Week 11 Conflict Management

Interpersonal Conflict

An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in the achievement of their goals.

The Struggle Spectrum

conflicts exist on this

Mild Differences - Disagreement - Dispute - Campaign - Litigation - Fight

Conflict management

is a set of skills that includes knowledge about what conflict is, what makes it happen, and what we can do about it.

Source - Prior Conditions

become aware that there are differences between you and another person

Beginning - Frustration Awareness

aware that differences in relationship are increasingly problematic

Middle - Active Conflict

when you bring your frustration to the attention of others.

End - Resolution

when you begin to try to manage the conflict

Aftermath - Follow-up

Checking in with the other person to confirm the conflict has not retreated into the frustration awareness stage.

Destructive Conflict

View from a win-lose perspective

Dismantles rather than strengthens a relationship.

Attacks, insults, defends…

Constructive Conflict

Builds new insights and establishes new patterns in a relationship.

Airing differences can lead to a more satisfying relationship

Cooperates, respects, commits…

Conflict Misconceptions

1. Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship.

2. Conflict can always be avoided.

3. Conflict always occurs because of  misunderstandings.

4. Conflict can always be resolved.

Conflict Management Styles

◦ Avoidance

◦ Accommodation

◦ Competition

◦ Compromise

◦ Collaboration

Avoidance

◦Managing conflict by backing off and trying to sidestep it. (“lose-lose”)

EX:  Someone is arguing with you, and you just walk away.

•Low concern for others

•Low concern for self

Accommodation

◦Managing conflict by giving in to the demands of others. (“lose-win” )

“Okay.  Let’s do it your way.”

•High concern for others

•Low concern for self

Compromise

◦Managing conflict by attempting to find the middle ground, with each person giving  up a bit of what he or she hoped to gain. (“lose/win - lose/win” )

EX:  You want to sell your car for $20,000, but your buyer only wants to pay $18,000.  You agree to $19,000.

•Middle concern for others

Middle concern for self

Competition

◦A style that stresses winning the conflict at the expense of the other person involved. (“win-lose”)

◦No one takes responsibility for the conflict.

Ex:  two co-workers seeking a promotion to the same job

•Low concern for others

•High concern for self

Collaboration

Managing conflict by using other-oriented strategies in order to achieve a positive solution for all involved.

You and your roommate disagree on household chores, and you sit down to work it out.  You end up creating a chart that is agreeable to both of you.

•High concern for others

High concern for self

Communicating with Prickly People

◦Try to change face-to-face confrontation into side-by-side problem solving by using Ury’s tips for managing conflict with difficult people

Go to the Balcony

a metaphor for taking a time out

Step to the Side

◦rather than continuing to debate and refute every argument by just asking questions and listening. Change the dynamic of the relationship from a confrontation to a conversation

Change the Frame

by seeing more than an either/or way of managing the conflict

Build a Golden Bridge

a metaphor for identifying ways to help the other person say yes by saving face

Make It Hard to Say No

by using information to educate rather than pummel the other person – bring them to their senses, not their knees

Stop

•take into account the other person’s thoughts, feelings, values, culture, and perspective

Look

monitor other’s emotions by observing their nonverbal messages.

Listen

both for the details and for the main points; also listen for tone of voice

Imagine

how you would feel if you were in your partner’s place

Question

gently ask appropriate questions for more information

Paraphrase

confirm understanding of your partner’s point of view