Exam 4 Psych 175

why are people getting married later

Time for education/career

Lack of financial stability

Less societal pressure to marry

directly after marriage couples experience an increase in

• Happiness

• Relationship satisfaction

• Sexual satisfaction

• “honeymoon period”

after the honeymoon period when does it return to base line

Returns to pre-marriage baseline within 1 year

couples have the highest sexual frequency in the first year, when does sexual decline overtime?

Steep decline at 6 - 8 years of relationship

sexual habituation

when sex decreases over time

why do couples stop having sex

Boredom

• Lack of novelty, excitement, romance

Lack of time

• Increase responsibilities that come with age

Waning attraction

Sexual habituation

displayed by most animals

• sex decreases over time w/ same partner

• arousal returns with new partners

  • Drives genetic diversity

Animal models (sexual habituation)

Most animals prefer new sexual partners if available

• Animals orgasm more quickly with new partners

• Evidence of heightened arousal

humans show same response as animals (sexual habituation)

• Men are less aroused by the same porn actress over time

• Ejaculation time increases with same partner over time

  • Time dramatically shortens with new partners

• People show little arousal to erotic pictures of their partners in relationships spanning 6+ years

Cycle of “serial monogamy”

• Form pair bond, have lots of sex

• Produce offspring

• Lose interest in partner when offspring no longer needs constant supervision

  • Around age 4 in humans

  • Form new couplings and repeat

Serial monogamy is

far more common than “strict” (life-long) monogamy in animal kingdom

How do some couples keep having great sex (Sexual De-habituation)

• Frequently communicate about sex

• Put in consistent effort

  • Sharing fantasies

  • Keep “dating”

• Sexually adventurous, often trying out new things

  • Maintaining novelty

U.S. parents show steepest drops in happiness, compared to all other Western nations

• No guaranteed parental leave

• No subsidies for childcare

  • Costs parents more in U.S. than any other nation

• No “universal child benefit”

Parents in Norway, Sweden,Finland are

happier than non-parent couples

Gen-Zers are having ____ than past generations

Less Sex

52% of people live with their parents up to age 29

high school stats

1990: 54%

2020: 38%

casual sex

Most often connected with frequent binge drinking

Hookups have been decreasing since 2010

Less drinking among women

• Less than 10% of college students binge drink

More video game use among men

More adults living with parents

Friends with benefits (non-committed sex)

60% of college students have had FWB

• more positive outcomes than sex w/strangers

  • More satisfying sex

  • More trust and mutual caring

  • Less likely to involve intoxication, peer-pressure, coercion

Builds sexual confidence

Builds better sexual communication for later relationships

Fewer couples are getting married

More are “cohabiting” instead

reasons to cohabitate

To save money

To raise children

60% of americans cohabitate before age 44

• eventually get married

Couples who cohabitate are

more likely to get divorced than those that don’t

Cohabiting for reasons other than love linked

with

later divorce

Once cohabitating, it becomes much more difficult to break up

• Sunk-cost fallacy

• Cohabitation often “slips into” marriage

  • Related with “settling”

Triangular Theory of Love

Robert Sternberg’s

Triangular Theory of Love

Passion

Intimacy

commitment

Passion (Motivational component)

Sexual interest and activity

• Desire to be around partner as much as possible

Intimacy (Emotional component)

Frequent and honest self-disclosure

• Giving and receiving emotional support

Commitment (Cognitive component)

• Holding expectation of a long-term relationship

• Committing effort, care and compromise to make relationships work

Romantic Love

middle relationship : both intimacy/ passion

early relationship

lots of passion

Companionate Love

long term relationship

lots of intimacy, commitment, and some passion

Companionate love was the strongest predictor of living past age 80

Harvard Study of Adult Development

“The well-being benefits of marriage are much greater for those who also regard their spouse as their best friend.”

Relationships are most successful when

partners _____ in these 3 factors

match

Increasing novelty

• “allow partner to act out some fantasies”

• “Watch porn together and try the positions”

• “New partners, hall pass”

Maintaining romance - (increase passion)

• “go on dates, let the man give you flowers, money, and got out more. have more sex. communication is key”

• “don’t have kids”

How can a couple build intimacy?

Slowly build self-disclosure

• Building toward more vulnerable sharing

Show empathy

• Especially when sharing positive emotions

Withhold judgement

• Judgement prevents future self-disclosure

Secure attachment style

able to derive comfort from parents

Insecure attachment style

anxiously clings to parents for comfort

Avoidant attachment style

doesn’t derive comfort from parents

Secure attachment

• See oneself and others as generally good

• Leads to trust and intimacy in relationships

• Constitutes 50% of adults

Preoccupied (20% of adults)

• Emotionally/physically clingy

• Sees oneself negatively

  • Constantly craves approval and reassurance

• Fears abandonment

  • Sees oneself as unworthy of love

• Jealous and distrustful

  • Believes partner will leave them for another

Emotionally distant

• E.g., low self-disclosure

Sees others as bad and untrustworthy

Avoids developing emotional attachment

• They see it as a weakness

• Generally low in empathy

Dual dismissing couples

Often have satisfying relationships

• Both partners desire low emotional involvement

Avoidant couples use relationships as a “social tool”

• Pooling resources

• Meeting societal expectations

Disorganized attachment (10% of adults)

Fluctuating between clingy and distant

• “I love you,” “I hate you,” repeat

Sees both themselves and others are bad/untrustworthy

Criticizes partner to cause self-doubt and lower self-esteem

Controlling and manipulative

• All in an effort to keep their partner from leaving

Individual characteristics predicted very little (>5%) (relationship satisfaction)

• Physical attractiveness

• Personality

• Similarity (in beliefs,hobbies, etc.)

why dating apps lead to poor outcomes

Top 4 predictors of relationship satisfaction

#4) Sexual satisfaction

#3) Communication skills

#2) Displays of appreciation

#1) Desiring commitment

limerence

An experience of longing,obsessive thoughts, and emotional

dependence common to love

Euphoria + anxiety

Centered in motivation areas of the brain related with desire and craving

Ventral tegmental area

• Produces dopamine

Hypothalamus

• Drive to mate

Nucleus accumbens

• Pleasure, excitement

V.T.A.

N.A.

Hypothalamus

Love shows signs of addiction

Cravings

• Constant desire

• Obsessive thoughts

Tolerance

• Want more and more

Withdrawal

• Difficulty spending time apart

• Separation increases craving

High dopamine suppresses serotonin (stages of intimate love)

Normally produces feelings of calm, satisfaction

Related with...

• Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior (OCD)

• Anxiety and depression

• Mood swings

Related to darker side of of love = “limerence”

Attachment evolved to make people to stay together long enough to raise children

Driven by...

• Oxytocin

Further increases when having babies

• Produced during delivery and breast feeding

• Dads also show sharp increases after having kids

paraphilic disorders

Negatively impact one’s life

• E.g., love life, social life,work life, life enjoyment

Or cause harm to others

kinks develop around

ages 10 – 14

Prime time for “sexual conditioning”

Learning theory

Early sexual experiences can become associated with present objects

• Many children stimulate their genitals on objects (socks, silk cloth, leather)

Can create lasting association between sex and that object

creating a fetish

non foot fetish guys → exposed to porn w/ knee high boots

→ 60% of participants became aroused by other types of shoes

• Kinks quickly “generalize” to associated objects, sensations, smells, etc.

BDSM

• Some children are punished when caught masturbating

• Associating sex with punishment/humiliation

Frotteurism

• Grabbing or rubbing up against other people (groping), often in crowded places

• Most common form of sexual assault

  • 25% of U.S. women report being groped in public by a stranger

• Rates are twice as high outside of U.S.

  • Especially prevalent in East Asia (e.g., China, Japan, Korea)

BDSM

Practiced by 8% of Americans

• Practiced by 20% within LGBT community

60 – 70% of Americans report BDSM fantasies

Common elements of BDSM

Ordering, verbal abuse, humiliation

Roleplay

Spanking, slapping, whipping

Bondage (tying up with restraints)

Benefits of BDSM?

• Heightens sexual arousal and orgasm

• Releases feel-good neurotransmitters

  • Noradrenaline, opioids

  • Similar to “runner’s high”

• De-stressing

  • BDSMers display lowered cortisol and boosted immune functioning

  • 40% of BDSMers use BDSM as a coping mechanism for stress

BDSM couples have more satisfying and longer

lasting relationships than average

• Necessitates communication

• Couple is open about sharing fantasies and desires

• Couple puts effort into maintaining an exciting, mutually satisfying sex life

BDSM can have mind-altering effects!

Submissives experience “transient hypofrontality”

• Diminished frontal lobe activity

• Feeling of peacefulness

• Pain reduction and “body high”

• Feels like “floating”

Dominants experience “flow”

• Extremely focused attention

• Complete immersion in the present moment

BDSMers tend to be...

• More openness to new experience than average

• Higher in extraversion

• Lower in neuroticism

1 in 4 men

report reported having a sex with animals

zoophilia/bestiality

Most common among men/boys in rural communities

Linked with high rates of penile cancer