Child Loss

Anomic Grief derived from

Derived from Durkheim's concept of anomie

Anomic Grief

The experience of grief, especially in young bereaved parents, where mourning customs are unclear due to an inappropriate death and the absence of prior bereavement experience.

Child Loss Unique Features:

Parents are totally unprepared for death.

Have been preparing to have and raise a child

Loss of hopes, dreams, expectations for the future

"When a child dies, you lose your future."

Child Loss Unique Features:

Death of a child seems inappropriate and unfair.

Defies the natural order of the life cycle

"Parents aren't supposed to bury their children."

Elderly parents of adult children

are often "forgotten grievers."

Child Loss Unique Features:

Young parents are often unexperienced with death and funerals.

If experience with death, likely the deaths of older family members.

If experience with funeral arranging, likely planning for older family members.

Most haven't even attended the funeral for a baby or child of another family.

Double loss:

grief of grandparents who have lost a grandchild and are grieving along with their son or daughter who has lost a child.

who participates in double loss

Role of grandparents in the funeral arrangements

Role of funeral Director in assisting families to create memories

(continue)

continue

Physical contact with the baby

Creation of more peaceful memories

Able to fulfill parental role a final time

Preparation for final physical separation

Preparation for Physical Contact

Baby scent; autopsy incisions covered

Prepare parents for how baby will look and feel differently

Deferred judgment

Deferred judgment:

advising that a question will be asked later when the answer is needed

Elements of Personalization

Rocking chair for parents; cradle or bassinet in lieu of casket

Suggest placing items in casket: photos; letters; toys

Use of balloons or stuffed animals in visitation room/chapel

Age-appropriate music

Special baby books

Family Participation

Special rituals: candle lighting; balloon/dove release

Transporting: to funeral home; to cemetery/crematory

Carrying casket: to hearse; to grave or crematory

Including siblings and/or friends of an older child