textbook chapter 12

similarity

• Similarity in attitudes and values is important but personality is less important

• Similarity on attachment styles is associated with marital satisfaction

Physical attractiveness

• People will always choose more physical attractive person

• Attractiveness in high school is associated with greater social integration and favourable treatment by teachers and classmates - what is beautiful is good stereotype - so they get more opportunities which predicts education, work and mental health outcomes as person becomes an adult

Online dating

• Common and socially acceptable 

• Provides way for LGBTQ peolpe to meet

Advantages

• Forced to focus on persons interests and values

Disadvantages

• No access to body language or facial expression so imagination can make you have a powerful attraction to the other

• Lack of info about person

• Too many choices has introduced a rejection mindset where people are less satisfied when they meet through online dating 

How do dating sites match people

• Survey to assess person and then match them on that

Reinforcement theory

• We like people who give us reinforcement and dont who give us punishments -  people who are frequently nice and rarely mean

• So people hang out with similar people because the interaction is rewarding

Intimacy

• Openness, honesty, mutual self disclosure, caring, warmth, protecting, helping, being devoted to each other

• Intimate relationships: result from many intimate interactions and are characteized by love, affection, trust, sharing and reciprocity

  • Can also happen outside of the intimate relationship, does not need to be sexual

Initiating relationships

• Intimate relationships begin with communication from one person 

  • Expressing ones attraction

  • Flirting - doesnt always imply relationship

  • Indirect or non verbal behaviours

  • Flirting can be used to gauge ones own mate value

  • Eye contact, smiling, self touching, light touching of other person

  • Coy glance with downward gaze and half smile for women

• Differences in flirting to attract a male and flirting to deter competition

• Traditionally men make first move bt now women to 

Relationship commitment: key predictor of the duration of a relationship

• Relationship satisfaction: the level of positive as compared to negative emotions experienced in the relationship

• Quality of alternatives: the perception of all that one would gain by not being in the relationship and evaluating other potential partners

• Investment: both the tangible and intangible resources that are attached to relationship

• Intimacy, supporting warmth, trust, communication

• Support from others is important in duration of relationship and marginilized groups are less likely to get this

Ending relationships

• People who entered a new relationship after a breakup showed higher general psychological functioning compared to those who remained single 

• Speed was linked to more contact with ex partner and there was evidence that speed was associated with vengeful feelings

• A lot of people try to reach back out to their exes

• Alot of people experience personal growth and learn from their experiences

• Resilience traits of optimism and grit were linked to lower depressive symptoms after breakup

Evidence for sternbergs theory of love

• Developed a questionnaire - sternberg triangular love scale to measure the three components which is reliable 

• Works cross culturally

Attachment theory of love: 

• Persons perception of the quality of the relationship with each parent predicts adult attachment

• Qualit of friendships in childhood and adolescence does this too

• Attachment styles exist along two dimensions: anxiety and avoidance – based on our perception of ourselves and on our expectations of how others will respond to us

• We either see our selves positively (worthy of love) or negatively (unwrothy) and we see others te same way too

• Secure individuals have a sense of their own livability 

• Preoccupied individuals have a sense of their own unlovability but positive view of other people – try to gain acceptance 

• Fearful individuals have a negative expectation of themselves and other people so avoid everyone

• Dismissing individuals: think they are worthy of love but have negative views of other people

• Earned secure attachment: some people with insecure attachment relationships with family have secure attachment relationships with romantic partner

• Conflict in relationships cna be caused by mismatch of attachment styles

• When either partner has avoidant  and insecure style, they have lower sexual satisfaction

  • Perceptions that ones partner is supportive can counter negative effects of insecure attachment 

• People with avoidant attachment will cheat more

Jealousy:

• Threat to self esteem

• Threat to relationship

• Preoccupied or anxious style most likely to be angry

• Fearful or avoidant style direct anger toward third person

• Prrocupied style are most likely to be angry and vengeful 

Emotional jealousy:

• When you know someone is emotionally attached to another person

Sexual jealousy:

• When you know the person wants to or has engaged in sexual intimacy with another

Stages in jealousy response:

• Cognitive: initial appraisal of situation and find threat

Emotional reaction: two phases

• Rapid stress response: jealous flash (physiological)

• Reppraisal and decide how to cope with it, could switch to seeing it as a challenge

Love as a script: 

• Impact the way we think about and behave in our relationships 

• 4 aspects of romantic scripts

  • Connection: magical communication between partners

  • Passion: intense need to maintain close proximity

  • Destiny: belief that relationship is predestined and instant

  • Instant: love was strong and immediate

• Those who endorse these scripts makes you see your partner through rose coloured classes and helps your relationship overall

Passionate and compainionate love:

• Passionate love: a state of intense longing for union with another person and of intense physiological arousal with 3 components

• Can feel overhwleming and all consuming cuz its so intense like an emotional roller coaster

• Can over estimate how long this will last

• Focus on strengths and minimize the negative aspects of relationship

1. Cognitive: preoccupation with the loved one and idealization of the person or of the relationship

2. Emotional: physiological arousal, sexual attraction, desire for union

3. Behavioural: taking care of the other and maintaining physical closeness