Chapter 7 - Interpersonal Attraction, Close Relationships, and Love

Need for Affiliation

• A desire to establish social contact with others

• “What is the most important thing in life?”

  • Relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners

Interpersonal Attraction

• How much we like (are attracted to) another person

Causes (or determinants) of Interpersonal Attraction

• Situation-centred determinant

• Target-centred determinants

Situation-Centred Determinants

• Proximity

  • The physical closeness or nearness between two people

  • We are more likely to become friends with, and attracted to, someone who is geographically close to us

  • Most people marry someone who is geographically close to them

  • Why does proximity often lead to liking?

    • Mere exposure effect (aka repeated exposure effect)

    • Social rewards

    • Expectations of future interactions

Mere Exposure Effect (aka repeated exposure effect)

• The tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more (e.g., be rated more positively) after we have been repeatedly exposed to them

Social Rewards

• Things like companionship, approval, and help

• Can be obtained at relatively little cost/are easier to obtain from those who live near us

Expectations of Future Interactions

• We can reasonably expect to interact with the people who are near to us on a regular basis

Target-Centred Determinants

• Similarity

• Reciprocity of liking

• Physical attractiveness

Similarity

• We tend to like others who are similar to us in terms of their attitudes, interests, values, personality traits, and demographic characteristics (e.g., race, religion)

• “Birds of a feather flock together”

• Why does attitude similarity influence liking?

  • It is rewarding to have someone else agree with our attitudes

    • Boosts our self-confidence in the correctness of our own attitudes

    • Arouses positive feelings (i.e., makes us feel good when someone else agrees with us)

Reciprocity of Liking

• We are usually like people who like us

• Ingratiation… a deliberate attempt to gain favour with another person

Physical Attractiveness

• People’s looks

• Why is this bias for beauty so pervasive?

  • Aesthetic appeal

  • What is beautiful is good stereotype (aka halo effect)

• Physically attractive people are generally perceived as being happier, more intelligent, outgoing, sociable, friendlier, warmer, and successful than less attractive people

• “Good things come in beautiful packages”

Aesthetic Appeal

• We find their appearance pleasing (rewarding) to look at (“easy on the eyes”)

What is Beautiful is Good Stereotype (aka halo effect)

• The belief that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable characteristics as well

Social Profit

• Being friends with someone who is highly attractive may enhance other people’s perceptions of how attractive you are perceived as being

  • Some of the “glow” of the highly attractive person’s beauty will rub off onto you

Radiation Effect

• A person of average attractiveness tends to be rated as more attractive when they are paired with someone who is highly attractive

  • Occurs with same-sex pairs (both males and females)

  • Among opposite sex pairs, an average-looking man will benefit from being paired with a highly attractive woman

  • Evaluations of women do not seem to be affected by the looks of their male partner

Contrast Effect

• A person of average attractiveness tends to be rated as more attractive after others have just seen an unattractive person of the same sex but, is rated as less attractive when others have just seen someone who is highly attractive

Matching Phenomenon

• The tendency for most people to pair off with someone who is about as physically attractive as they are

  • Friendships and marriages

What is Beauty?

• Is it objective and measurable human characteristics

• Is it more subjective (i.e., “in the eye of the beholder”)

Two Categories of Women’s Faces That Male Undergraduates Find Particularly Attractive

• “Baby-face” (or child-like) facial features

  • Large eyes, full lips, small nose, and a small chin

• “Mature” facial features

  • Prominent cheekbones, high eyebrows, large pupils, and a big smile

What Features of a Man’s Face fo Female Undergraduates Find Particularly Attractive?

• “Mature” facial features

  • Small eyes, a broad forehead, thin lips, and a large jaw

Facial Symmetry

• The left and right sides of the face are similar in appearance

Evolutionary Perspective

• Men and women have evolved different preferences because these preferences maximize their chances of reproductive success (i.e., passing their genes on to the next generation)

• Men are more attracted to women whose facial features and bodily appearance suggest youth, health, and fertility

  • For example, smooth unblemished skin, shiny hair, facial symmetry, normal body weight

• Women are more attracted to men whose facial features and bodily characteristics suggest maturity and physical strength

Attractiveness Study

• Personal ads from a large mid-western American newspaper

• Scoring:

  • Who wrote the ad… a man or woman?

  • What was the writer offering… physical attractiveness or material resources?

  • What was the writer seeking… physical attractiveness or material resources?

• Main findings:

  • Offering:

    • Women were more likely than men to be offering physical appearance

    • Men were more likely to be offering material resources

  • Seeking:

    • Men were more likely than women to be seeking a young, physically attractive partner

    • Women were more likely than men to be seeking an older, financially secure partner

Subjective Nature of Beauty

• Shifting cultural standards of what is considered attractive

• Radiation and contrast effects

“Costs” of Being Beautiful

• “Are people being nice to me just because they think i’m good looking or do they genuinely like me for who I am?”

• Pressure to maintain one’s physical appearance

Different Types of Love

• Friendship, romantic, Infatuation, paternal, maternal, brotherly, sisterly, spiritual, divine, obsessive, possessive, conditional, unconditional, self…

What Does Being “In Love” Feel Like?

• Lots of different ways to describe it

• Passionate, emotional, physical, relaxed…

Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

• Intimacy

• Passion

• Commitment

• Makes 7 types of love:

  • Liking

  • Infatuation

  • Empty

  • Romantic

  • Compationate

  • Fatuous

  • Consumate

Intimacy

• Confiding in someone, closeness, giving and receiving of emotional support, trust

Passion

• Physical attraction, sexual arousal, desire

Commitment

• The decision that you and your partner are in love, you wanna be together, you wanna stay with your partner into the future, stay committed to them

Liking

• Friendship, intimacy without passion/commitment

Infatuation

• Experience of passion without intimacy/commitment, love at first site, puppy love

Empty

• Commitment without intimacy/passion, stagnant marriage, empty shell marriage, unhappy couple who stays together

Romantic

• Intimacy and passion without commitment, summer love affair, holiday fling

Compationate

• Intimacy and commitment without passion, commited marriage

Fatuous

• Passion and commitment without intimacy, whirlwind courtship

Consumate

• Passion, intimacy, commitment all present, the ideal type of love

Elaine Hatfield and Ellen Berscheid (1978)

• 2 main types of love:

  • Passionate

  • Companionate

• Passionate love scale

Passionate Love

• “A state of intense longing for union with another person”

• Exciting and emotional

• Characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection

Companionate Love

• “The affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined”

• Companionate lovers care very deeply for eachother

• A secure, trusting, and stable partnership

Attachment Styles

• Secure attachment

• Avoidant attachment

• Anxious/ambivalent attachment (aka preoccupied attachment)

Secure Attachment

• Parent is consistently responsive to the child’s needs (i.e., always there when needed)

Avoidant Attachment

• Parent is generally unresponsive or even rejecting in times of need or distress

• Uncomfortable with intimacy, distance themselves emotionally

Anxious/Ambivolent Attachment (aka Preoccupied Attachment)

• Parent does not respond consistently to the child’s needs (i.e., is available sometimes but not other times)

Mary Ainsworth… White, American, Middle Class children

• Secure… 65%

• Avoidant… 23%

• Anxious/ambivalent… 12%

Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver

• Percentage of adults with different attachment styles:

  • Secure… 56%

  • Avoidant… 25%

  • Anxious/ambivalent… 19%

Two Types of Avoidant Attachment Styles (Kim Bartholomew)

• Fearful-avoidant style

• Dismissing-avoidant style

Fearful-Avoidant Style

• Would like to have close relationships, but avoid them because they have difficulty trusting others

  • Low self-esteem (i.e., negative view of themselves)

  • Low interpersonal trust (i.e., negative view of others)

Dismissing-Avoidant Style

• Claim that they don’t need close relationships with others and would rather be by themselves anyway

  • Low interpersonal trust (i.e., negative view of others)

  • High self-esteem (i.e., positive view of themselves)