Accomplice: Delilah lines

Delilah lines

Before bag off:

Hello? Hello? Help me! Can I get a little help yall ! I can see a thing right now!

Still tied up:

Oh my Gosh, I was paralyzed by the dark! Who are you people? You saved me! Untie me, please!

Audience unties “We were sent by Oscar”:

I was being tortured with show tunes back there! Y’all are just the wind beneath my wings, you saved me! Wow, y’all must be detectives you sure don’t look like they do on CSI, sir you in particular, is it casual Friday? Don’t tell me it’s Friday, I have no idea what day it even is, it’s like a sensory deprivation chamber back there. Which normally I’d have really wanted to experience, it can be so healing to sit alone with just your thoughts,

Switch to scared:

but not when your thoughts are wondering if you’ll Still be alive in an hour! I wonder what my students did without me, we all closed our eyes for the first four oms of class.

She turns to the person next to her and confides:

some people say you should do three and I’m no meteorologist but four’s better than three, so I do four.

Back to group:

But I never made it to four because while my eyes were closed somebody threw a sack over my head and shanghai’d my person! It feels so good to talk to people again. I mean who kidnaps someone from a yoga studio, must’ve been some kind of pervert. He was probably trying to sneak a peak into my pole dancing class, it’s a new installment in my practice. Check these out!

Bozo enters:

Oh there you are! Good boy Bozo! Thank you so much for staying put and being the central star in my universe! Say hi to these nice people that saved me! He’s my emotional support dog ! I love this little guy -Most especially Bozo thank you for helping me keep my chi fully intact in the face of early morning garbage trucks and perverted kidnappers! Amen to you buddy

Finds shoes:

Oh here are the shoes, aren’t these inspiring? You, sir, what’s your name? Jerry, you look inspired. You should sign up for my class, I see fear and flexibility in your eyes. We all need yoga to let our inner Buddha out and we all need pole dancing to let our inner Beyonce out. When you can do both, imagine Beyonce mixed with Buddha mixed with Jerry here, now that’s a smoothie I want to drink.

Starts yelling out of nowhere:

Ya’ll, not to be dramatic I WAS KIDNAPPED. Actually some might say I have a general flare for the dramatic in fact, I played the lead in my high school production of the Wizard of Oz. I was Verry popular in high school. Anyhoo, how did y’all find me? Who hired you?

Crowley:

Crowley? My word, I can’t believe it, ya see he’s a sweetie pie but well sometimes it’s like that wheel is moving but the hamster’s dead, and it got even worse aker we had a little car accident. I ran my motorhome over some chick on a bike, but hello, try looking both ways next time sister! Well, I hope Crowley isn’t the only one who noticed my absence. Oh, and you met Leo? Leo’s my boyfriend/girlfriend, what did you think of him/her? Well then you should see his/her bank account, I truly am hashtag so blessed. I’m gonna become the first Real Housewife of Kansas. So what did Crowley pay ya’ll? No! You’re doing this pro boner?

Reward:

I think you guys deserve some kind of reward. Hmm... What do I have that I could give you guys? What about my mobile home? The Cyclone WTF420, it’s a classic mash up of a home and vehicle. It’s got one of them Japanese bathrooms in it, washes up your whistle and everything, and leather seats, if y’all are vegan like I am you can put some newspaper down the animals don’t seem to mind a bit. Did Crowley tell y’all how chock full it is? And now it’s yours. Yes, this is the PERFECT reward, y’all look like nice honest... simple folk, people that could use a mobile home, anyway I gotta ditch it if I’m being honest, nowhere to park it in this city and I got more points on my license than there are stars in the sky. Who here is the most trustworthy out of yall?

If there’s a child choose them:

Okay, Jerry, come here and I’ll whisper where it is, excuse me for being a bit paranoid aker I got Namas-stolen. (She whispers) It’s in my shoe. So, do you guys think we should get out of here? I could use a drink but it seems dangerous to be sticking around this place that my kidnapper brought me to?

Gretchen:

Gretchen Huberskank? YOU kidnapped me?! Y’all she and I know each other from back home! I bet this is ‘cause I got the lead in our high school play (or when ages are different Commuinity Theatre ) and she was had to be a little pesky munchkin!. Take a deep breath Gretchen.

Gretchen: Seriously who does that!

You followed me all the way to New York City because of that? I’m sure your sister is just FINE! Can you guys believe she kidnapped me and tied me up just because of that!

Gretchen: Delilah we all know you’re a thief!

I bet you’re jealous of my pole dancing shoes.

Gretchen: Give them back!

Oh no you don’t! I found them Under the Cyclone Fair and Square! You are such an evil individual, Your Aura is just green and Nasty! You know what I oughta do?! I’m gonna melt you like a pad of butter – (GRETHEN Starts to run away and say NOOOOO! DELILAH looks back at the group) remember what I said Jerry, the Mobile home is all yours! Get Back here Gretchen!