intimate relationships miller 14

sacrifices

virtually required to maintain a healthy long-term relationship

highly committed especially likely

effect reverses when the sacrifice poses an existential threat to the relationship

existential threat study

reported on their commitment to the relationship and on their partner’s most important goals

threat manipulation

low: partner pursues will create some conflict unlikely to end relationship

high: pursuit of the goals could plausibly end the relationship

how do people feel about the sacrifices they've made for their relationship

people who are more communally orientated toward partner tend to feel happier more appreciated and more satisfied (sacrifice feeling more authentic)

people feel better about it if it is for approach reasons than avoidance reasons

derogation

they evaluate attractive alternatives as less desirable 

inattention

they shift their attention away from attractive alternatives

dating service study

1989, commitment to their current partner then value a potential new partner who was either moderately or highly appealing

highly appealing partner should trigger derogation

motivated inattention study 

hetero newlyweds perform computer task that measured how quickly they disengage attention from photos of people

slower disengagement from photos of attractive other sex predicted infidelity in the first 3 years of marriage

100ms faster predicted a 50% reduction in infidelity likelihood

idealization

correlation between A’s ratings of B and A’s ratings of their ideal partner

is better for general qualities, easy to interpret a broad range of behavior as consistent with it

accuracy

correlation between A’s ratings of B and B’s ratings of themselves

better for specific qualities because it protects us from disappointment when counterevidence emerges

more for wives than husbands 

memories

think as accurate representations of reality like recording

truth = biased partly to confirm our hopes or expectations

recalled satisfaction study

trust

current level in our partner distorts our memories of his/her transgressions against us

our this does not distort memories of our own transgressions against our partner

Transgression experiences study

over two week, report on each behavior their partner did that upset them and vice versa

end of two weeks they recall as accurately as they could how many transgression had occurred how the victim felt about those transgressions