Interviewer Lines

[Show Starts]

Good evening everybody! I am your host [insert actors name], and you're watching today's episode of Sink or Swim: relationships with tragic ends. Today, we have a special guest! The one and only Rose DeWitt Bukater, as she recounts her time spent on the Titanic.

OLD ROSE: I remember it like it was yesterday.

Do tell, Rose.

OLD ROSE: It was 1912. The Titanic's maiden voyage.The air was cold. [Young Rose shivers] The water felt like ice. [Pause]. But the whole time, I knew I would survive.

Really? How did you know?

OLD ROSE: Because I survived him.

What do you mean by that? And who is "him?" Surely you aren't talking about your ex fiance—the one and only Mr. Cal Hockley—right? He was quite the jackpot, if I must say: heir to the Pittsburgh steel fortune and all. Come to think of it, why didn't you marry him? If you had, you probably would've been set for life!

YOUNG ROSE: Can you imagine that? What it was like to put up with him? I would rather drown and freeze to death—

Well... you certainly came close.

OLD ROSE: I hate the word, but lustful is an accurate description of my emotions at the time. My fiancé was a total bore, but I didn't hate him. Hate is a strong word. After all, who wouldn't want his money? Yet, being engulfed in his wealth made me realize he was just loose change among dollar bills. Oh, those bills were so much more alluring than him. With them, I could buy myself freedom from our marriage, but with spare change, I couldn't buy me nothing except a ticket to the movies and a large popcorn.

Did Jack know this? That you didn't love him?

OLD ROSE: Look, he was cute! He was a handsome, attractive young man! But no. I didn't love him.

The fling was quick.

OLD ROSE: Much too short to fall in love.

[A beat] Would you like to continue the story?

OLD ROSE: I saw the life-boat.

It's a miracle you were pulled from that door. It's a shame Jack couldn't also fit.

OLD ROSE: [Glances at younger self] I told myself that. Over and over. But I didn't believe it.

Really? And why would that be?

JACK: Yep! And as young as ever! It's a miracle what doctors can do with botox nowadays! And from the looks of it, you might need a bit yourself!

I will NOT tolerate any disruptions during this interview! We run a tight ship here. Commercial breaks already take up half our time on air, so whatever you have to say, make it good.

JACK: I didn't survive Rose. This is me. I'm a ghost. Nothing more than a spirit. My body is at the bottom of the cold, deep Atlantic. Now, can you explain yourself?!

[Starts eating popcorn] Now, this! This is good television! Oh I can already hear the TV ratings soaring through the roof! Now spill the tea!

OLD ROSE: I was reasonably put off. I thought you thought of me better.

Rose, is this why you complained about your back earlier?

YOUNG ROSE: Cal could.

[To Jack] The truth of the matter is you would have never made it as far as you did without Rose's help.

JACK: More than Cal could. [A romantic beat passes]

Quit the sappiness! This isn't the Bachelor!

[Old Rose sprays Jack with mist bottle.]

Mind the couch please! My God! It's vintage.

YOUNG ROSE: Oh, by the way... [Rose reveals the Heart of the Ocean necklace that was in the pocket of Cal's coat—which she is currently wearing. Jack fastens it for her around her neck.] Thank you. I'll never let go, Jack. I promise. [Lights fade to black]

Awww, well wasn't that adorable? Well, ladies and gentlemen.That's all we have time for on tonight's special of sink or swim; relationships with tragic ends. Though I must say; today's episode thankfully had a happy ending! As always, you can catch the next episode of Sink or Swim tomorrow night here on channel 308 at the same time! Thank you, and see you next time!