Families Final

preemptive repairs

made within the first 3 minutes of conflict—are the most effective. These don't rely on logic or immediate solutions but focus on improving the emotional climate and fostering connection

which attachment style requires soft strategies?

Avoidant

which attachment style requires safe strategies?

Anxious

soft strategies

Providing support without pointing it out

Matter of fact tone when discussing conflict

Acknowledge the importance of independence for growth

Acknowledge the ‘ask’

safe strategies

Show commitment to relationship when partner’s attachment system is activated

Affectionate touch

Promote self expansion

interdependence theory

a framework for understanding social interaction and relationships, focusing on how each person's outcomes depend on the actions of others

correspondence of interest

the outcomes of individuals choices are aligned, leading to mutually beneficial interactions.

information certainty

the degree to which individuals in a relationship understand their partner's preferences and expectations, enhancing trust.

what is non defensive listening NOT?

listening with the intent to respond or judge

what is non defensive listening?

the ability to hear, understand, and empathize with the partner without preparing to argue or critique their message.

Zeigarnik effect

a phenomenon where individuals remember interrupted or unfinished tasks better than completed ones, often leading to a sense of tension until the task is finished.

how to prevent the Zeigarnik effect

Address miscoordinations, misunderstandings, or a hurtful comment early

Zeigarnik effect: after the conflict…

Re-establish felt security: safe haven and secure base

Re-establish physical intimacy– no, not sex!

Being mindful of what attracted us to the other in the first place

Re-establishing that foundation

What do we observe in the insecures during a conflict? - Anxious

Report more conflict and an escalation of the conflict when disagreements occur

does not accurately recall what happened

What do we observe in the insecures during a conflict? - Avoidant

During conflict, less likely to look at partners’ faces

cannot remember heated conversations

What do we observe anxious folks do after a conflict?

Evaluate their relationship quality based on most recent conflict

Have more negative attributions about partner

Easily frustrated when support isn’t available immediately

What do we see avoidant folks do after a conflict?

Less likely to blame themselves for the conflict

Some studies show they can go back to intimate interactions, but the satisfaction with intimacy was low

prototype model of attachment

Working models of early attachment relationships are stable, latent, prototypes that influence how people experience their relationships

Studies show evidence for this model

revisionist model of attachment

Working models from childhood are revised and updated

Previous attachment relationships have no influence on current relationships

Previous attachment relationships are a poor predictor of future relationships

interdependence theory

theory that examines how individuals in relationships depend on each other for outcomes like satisfaction and commitment. It posits that the outcomes depend on the rewards and costs experienced in the relationship.

uniqueness

qualities each partner brings to the relationships that influences how the relationship functions - predictable behaviors that the other values

integration

qualities of our partner that we embed into our own personality

trajectory

when couples say ‘we’ and ‘us’ more than ‘I’ and ‘me’

diagnosticity

instances where one gets to evaluate their partner

alternatives

activated when satisfaction is low, thinking: are my other options better?

stress in the relationship when…

When resources are low

When the other creates stress due to their behaviors

culture affects relationships by…

Approval from friends and family – greater satisfaction

Influence of current societal trends on the relationship

emotional security theory

children’s reactions to conflict depend on how they interpret what they observe– am I safe, what will happen next?

effects of divorce on babies

poor emotion regulation skills, withdrawal behaviors, parents become a source of fear. stress response is frequently activated, changing the size and structure of the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex

effects of divorce on children

poor social competence, academic achievement, emotion regulation skills, present more aggressive behaviors

effects of divorce on adolescents

emotional problems, trauma, and difficulties in relationships. They may struggle with self-esteem and exhibit unhealthy IWMs.

depressive conflict resolution style

one or both parents engage in avoidance, emotional distress, or withdrawal. They start the argument and then shut down

outcomes of depressive conflict resolution style

infants display more negative reactions, children show anger, sadness, and worry— has a negative affect on emotional development, stress regulation, and conflict resolution

angry conflict resolution style

one or both parents engage in physical or verbal aggression, defensiveness, and hostile interactions

outcomes of angry conflict resolution style

infants observe the heated discussion, and display more negative reactions, and aggression with peers

constructive conflict resolution style

both parents show respect, mindful listening, compromising, and engage in affectionate touch during or right after the argument

outcomes of constructive conflict resolution style

infant or child’s stress response is not activated, emotional security is in tact, and they learn appropriate social skills

triangulation

a family dynamic where one parent involves a child in their conflicts with the other parent, leading to the child taking sides.

role reversal in divorce

a situation where children take on parental responsibilities or where parents start acting like their children, disrupting healthy family dynamics.

is triangulation ever okay?

no, not even when the child becomes an adult themself

what causes role reversal

caregiver lacks support from their partner, they need comfort, or have unresolved trauma. alternatively can be a way to avoid abuse

when do risks increase for divorce in the next generation

if they develop a negative perception of marriage and relationships, imitate their parent’s poor CR style, and develop scripts/IWMS while observing parent’s relationship

what do those in committed relationships not do?

soliciting attention from others they find attractive

mate poaching (homewrecking)

what do those in committed relationships do?

actively protect the relationship, inattentive towards others who are attractive

sociosexuality

refers to the degree of interest in casual sexual encounters outside of a committed relationship.

restricted individuals

have low motivations to pursue uncommitted sex

unrestricted individuals

prefer casual sex without closeness and intimacy

what happens to unrestricted individuals once they get into a relationship?

Report low commitment

Less motivation for relationship maintenance

Sexual interest in partner decreases over time

Higher risk for infidelity

negative aspects of infidelity

psychological health is poorer, STD rates are higher (risk for HIV)

positive aspects of infidelity

positive sexual experiences, self discovery, increased self esteem, joys of courtship

what is a dysfunctional form of protest behavior?

abuse - it is used to maintain proximity to another

when is avoidance healthy?

in the short term

grief

is a complex emotional response to loss. It involves a process of healing over time.

complicated grief

is a prolonged and intense form of loss that hinders one’s ability to heal, often accompanied by persistent longing for the deceased.

grief and attachment

person seen as safe haven/secure base is gone. It takes time for the brain to realize ‘they aren’t coming back’ there is a ‘void that this person used to fill’

continuing bonds

is a concept that emphasizes the ongoing relationship with the deceased through memories, rituals, and personal connections.

when are continuing bonds unhealthy?

when they impair one’s ability to function normally throughout the day, and are associated with confusion and unresolved loss

when are continuing bonds healthy?

when connection facilitates adapting to new life and relationships

why does it hurt after a break up if you are still in love?

reward systems and physiological symptoms of love will still occur. DA, NAc, insular and anterior cingulate activated

what are some things someone can do to move past a difficult break up?

start removing things that once belonged to their partner, increase frequency of engagement with supportive others, self expansion, healthy physical activities