Martha Dunstock Lines Heathers (teen edition)

Veronica: “AAgh! Hey, Martha”

“Hey”

Veronica: Martha Dunstock. My best friend since diapers. She’s got a huge heart. Round here, that’s not enough.”

“We on for movie night?”

Veronica: “You’re on Jiffy Pop detail.”

“I rented The Princess Bride”

Veronica: “Again? Don’t you have it memorized by now?”

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for a happy ending.”

"Kurt: “Why do I act like such a creep?”

“Why won’t he date me?”

Stoner Chick: “If I sat at their table, guys would notice me.”

“I’d like them to be nicer.”

Ensemble: “Heather, Heather, Heather..”

“Veronica?”

Veronica: “It’s more like the Heathers are people I work with and our job is being popular.”

“Hey, Veronica.”

Veronica: “Hey.”

“You really look beautiful these days.”

Veronica: “Yeah, well. It’s still the same me underneath.”

“Are you sure?”

Veronica: “Look, I’m sorry I flaked on movie night last week. I’ve had a lot going on.”

“I get that. You’re with the Heathers now. It’s exciting.”

Heathers: “And end up like her!”

“Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! See? I told you there was still something there. This proves he’s been thinking about me!”

Veronica: “Color me stoked…”

“I’m so happy!”

Veronica: “I can’t believe you actually came.”

“It’s exciting right? Excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider.”

Heathers: “Dang! Dang! Diggity-dang-a-dang!”

“Hi, Ram. I wasn’t gonna come, but since you took the trouble to write me that sweet note…”

Chandler: “Martha Dunstock! I think you should do the honors.”

“I don’t really know this game.”

Veronica: “You want it? Swim for it.”

“What’s going on?”

Chandler: “Only a true dead best friend will give it to you straight.”

“Veronica. I need your help.”

Veronica: “Sure, what?”

“Something doesn’t add up. I think Ram and Kurt were murdered.”

Veronica: “Why would you say that? They found a suicide note.”

“It could have been faked. I mean, you forge stuff all the time right?”

Veronica: “Who’d wanna kill Ram and Kurt?”

“I’m thinking your friend J.D. Remember the way he went after them in the lunch room?”

Kurt: “Yeah, man. That sucked.”

“There’s something off about that J.D.”

Kurt: “Punch it in!”

“…I want to look in J.D.’s locker. I thought maybe you could get me the combination.”

Veronica: “Martha… This is a pretty wild theory.”

“I don’t care what they were saying at the funeral. Ram was not gay.”

Ram: “Shut up, Kurt.”

“My heart knows the truth.”

Ram: “Shut up!”

“Why would Ram write that note if he didn’t still feel something?”

Ram: “Aagh!”

“Why would he invite me to his homecoming party?”

Chandler: “Time to choose, Veronica. You know what to say. Do you have the guts?”

“I’m gonna confront J.D.”

Veronica: “Stop! You floor me, Martha. You really do.”

“What do you mean?”

Veronica: “Ram didn’t write that love note. I did.”

“No.”

Veronica: “Martha, are you free tonight?”

“What?”

Veronica: “My date for the pep rally kind of blew… me off. So I was wondering if you weren’t doing anything tonight, maybe we could pop some Jiffy Pop, rent some videos? Something with a happy ending.”

“Are there any happy endings?”

Veronica: “If you’d let me be your friend.”

“My friend…”