Josephine Lines

WILL

Thank you all so much for coming. Josephine and I are

unbelievably grateful to have so many friends here to help us

celebrate.

For people who donÕt know, this is actually where Will proposed

to me. One year ago, right here on the banks of this river. I

had just met Edward and Sandra, and I knew -- I knew that I

wanted to be part of this family.

EDWARD

Now, I’m sworn to secrecy, but I’m told my ambition may be

fulfilled sooner than I dared hope.

Okay. Okay. It’s time to catch the bouquet. Ladies, follow me.

WILL

A penis! It’s a boy!

Yes!

WILL

(re: her belly)

This is really happening.

You thought I was making it up?

WILL

No.

I’ll get dressed.

WILL

Meet you outside.

Will -- we’re going to have a son.

WILL

Right. The Witch.

The Witch?

EDWARD

She showed me how I go, and this is not it.

So how does it happen?

WILL

I wasn’t trying to pick a fight.

Oh! Here. You can feel him kick.

EDWARD

He’s strong! When is he coming?

Twenty-two weeks. So--

EDWARD

Five months. Well. You’ll tell him about me. Only the good

stuff.

Of course.

EDWARD

You mean while I’m here.

So, I want to know the full history. Now, I know you grew up in

Alabama, but was it here in Montgomery?

(end of ON THE ROAD)

Will! Look what I found.

WILL

What is that?

It’s the Key to the City! From when he was a teenager. He left

Ashton in search of adventure.

WILL

Oh, God. He got to you, didn’t he? He seduced you.

Do you know how your mother and father met?

WILL

They met in college. Wait -- which story did he tell you? There

are at least seven versions of how he met my mother.

This was romantic.

WILL

They’re all romantic. My father is romantic. Was the giant in

it?

Yes! Karl.

WILL

So, Karl the Giant. Supposedly my Dad’s best friend, but I never

met him. There’s no photo, no evidence he actually existed. I’m

worried my father is going to--

(not saying ‘die’)

--be gone and I’ll never know what was true.

But does it really matter what was true? Your father is telling

these stories for a reason. If you understand the stories,

you’ll understand the man.

How many stories are there?

WILL

I don’t know. I’ve never counted.

You should! You should make a list.

WILL

Okay. Let’s do it. Chronologically, it starts with the Witch. She teaches him, what, not to fear death? Then he meets the mermaid.

She teaches him about love. How love transforms a person.

WILL
I thought she taught him how to swim.

You never listen.

WILL

So my father leaves Ashton with Karl the Giant. They have a series of misadventures that roughly approximate the twelve labors of Hercules.

What about the tornado -

WILL

Fine the tornado. It’s not important.

It’s incredibly important! Your father was headed for the Big City. But then fate - fate pushes him towards love.

WILL

It’s not plausible

It’s romantic!

(CLOSER TO HER)

Making waters part. Aiming straight for his beloved’s heart.

Will. Who is Jenny Hill? I know that name.

WILL

She was my Dad’s high school girlfriend. ‘The prettiest,

blondest girl in Ashton.’

(re: folder)

What is that?

It’s a mortgage for a house in Ashton. Your father co-signed a

loan with ‘Jenny Hill.’

WILL

Why would my father have a mortgage to a house I’ve never heard

about? And what’s the deal with Jenny Hill?

Maybe she’s a friend.

WILL

Maybe she’s more than that. My father was a traveling salesman.

He could have easily had a second life. A second family!

Stop! That’s not real.

WILL

What is real with my father? What if all these crazy stories are

just a smokescreen so we don’t bother looking for the truth?

(re: folder)

My father bought a secret house in Ashton. I can’t pretend we

didn’t find this.

Okay, okay. I know you want to find answers, but think about the

time you have left. You’re here to make peace, Will, not start a

war.

WILL

What happened?

Your father stopped breathing. We called the ambulance-

SANDRA
No, one of us should stay with him.

I’ll go with you.

SANDRA

I can’t wait!

I want to see this fish.