HDFS 129 Final Exam- Molly Countermine

Judith Wallerstein's (author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce) longitudinal study of children of divorce:

-Study began in 1971
-divorce was thought to be a brief crisis and that the divorce rate would drop
-60 familes and 131 children studied
-Homogenous group: well educated, middle/upper class, no prior emotional problems ("Divorce under the best circumstances")
-Interviews, questionnaires were used to measure adjustment
-Expected study to end after a year but continued for at least another 15 years

What were outcomes for parents after 5 years from Judith Wallerstein's study (% happy/unhappy)?

-50% of men felt more content
-75% of women felt more content
-50% of men felt just as unhappy
-25% of women felt just as unhappy

What were outcomes for children after 5 years in Judith Wallerstein's study (% with problems, feelings about parents' divorce)?

-33% were doing well
-27% had some problems
-40% had significant problems
-10% felt relief when parents divorced
*majority felt their parents had given priority to adult needs over child's needs
*majority still wanted their parents to get back together

Preschoolers reaction to divorce:

fear of abandonment, confusion about visitation/time, difficulty comforting self (feelings of confusion)

5-8 years old reaction to divorce:

preoccupation with feelings of rejection/guilt/loss, fear of being replaced by a new girl/boy friend, males begin to have intense longing for father (feelings are internalized)

9-12 years old reaction to divorce:

intense anger, psychosomatic symptoms (rashes, stomach pains), acting as caregivers to adults to the exclusion of their own needs ("parentified children") (feelings are externalized)

13-18 years old reaction to divorce:

worry about their own relationships ("is this gonna happen to me?"), because they can understand the complexity they have difficulty sorting through all the issues surrounding the divorce, parents often though they would be "old enough to understand," either separate or become "enmeshed" with one or both parents

Emerging Adult "sleeper effect"

No matter what age divorce happened, this happens to everyone anxiety about their own successful involvement in romantic relationships, females preoccupied with betrayal/ behavior took many forms, males avoided relationships/ or were very reserved emotionally

How should parents help children cope with divorce?

-Understanding divorce: give information, tell kids at the same time and as soon as a decision is made to separate
-Stability: stay in activities, parents remain committed to kid's lives
-Dealing with loss; permission to love both parents
-Dealing with anger
-Dealing with guilt
-Accepting permanence of divorce
-Taking a chance on love

What factors contribute to poor adjustment for children after divorce?

-Continuing conflict between parents
-decline in parental supervision/monitoring
-moving to another home
-decline in parental support
-loss of contact with non-custodial parent
-economic decline

Poor adjustment to divorce in adults is associated with?

-Lack of social network
-Economic hardship
-Not wanting marriage to end
-Identity intensely tied to being married
-History of psychological problems
-Viewing divorce as a personal failure
-Presence of children's behavior problems
-Continuing conflict with ex-spouse

True or False: As parents put their lives back together after divorce, their kids' lives also improve (and why)?

False: research found this is not true!!
Circumstances that enrich an adult's life do not necessarily trickle down to kids (ex: new job, new love, new friends) less time/less focus/ less availability for kids. When family structure collapses, all support for child is loss, most children find out about the divorce the day of seperation, many felt angry and powerless, divided loyalties

Should parents stay together "for the sake of the children"?

-Young adults who perceive their parents marriage as high conflict fared better if their parents divorced and conflict ended
-Young adults who perceive their parents marriage as low in conflict fared worse
-For all kids, if divorce is followed by inept parenting and or continued conflict divorce is detrimental
-At the same time, high conflict in a marriage is detrimental

John Gottman's basics of his research on married couples and divorce:

-"Love Lab" at the university of Washington
-Longitudinal study of couples
-Can predict divorce with 90% accuracy
-If high conflict and low compatibility doesn't predict divorce, then what does? = communication

John Gottman's "Four horsemen of divorce" (Four styles of interacting predict divorce)

1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

John Gottman's definition of Criticism: (who does this more?)

Criticism: attacking someone's character, placing blame on person, its global critiques not specific (ex: "you're ALWAYS so negative!")
*Women do this more

John Gottman's definition of Defensiveness: (who does this more?)

Defensiveness: denying responsibility, making excuses (ex: "I NEVER said that i would call you!" instead of, "I'm upset you didn't call me.")
*Used equally by both genders

John Gottman's definition of Contempt: (who does this more?)

Contempt: the intention to belittle your partner, the message is that he or she is stupid, can include name calling, hostile humor, sarcasm, mockery, body language, husband's contempt toward wife over time predicts wife's physical health
*Used equally by both genders
*BIGGEST predictor of divorce

John Gottman's definition of Stonewalling: (who does this more?)

Physically and or emotionally withdrawing from conflict, males have a different physiological response to rational conflict than females: muscles tense, heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow, palms sweat
*85% of the time males do this

Difference between complaining and criticism

complaining is one of the healthiest thing we can do in marriages if done correctly. Unvoiced complaints lead to repression, resentment and trouble

How to "fight fair" (4 things):

1. Soften your startup.
2. Learn to make repair attempts
3. Learn to self-soothe
4. Compromise

Communication differences between straight and homosexual couples:

homosexual couples communicate better because gender is not a barrier

What are Gottman's suggestions for successful communication and conflict resolution?

-Work on one problem at a time.
-Take responsibility and be willing to look at your own behavior.
-If you see your partner becoming upset, try to soothe him or her.
-Complain and voice your concerns, don't criticize. Be specific and face problems head on.
-Use empathy - understanding, not advice.
-Validate your partner's feelings.
-Show genuine interest (bids for attention). This is listening not to respond, but to
understand.
-Communicate your understanding.

Difference between proactive and reactive co-sleeping

-Proactive: prompted by the parents, they wants their kid to sleep with them
-Reactive: prompted by the kid, the parents are forced to let their kid sleep with them
because they don't sleep any other way

How common is cosleeping worldwide?

⅔ of the world co-sleeps

What are some associations of child outcomes with proactive co-sleeping?

-shorter night-wakings
-prevent SIDS or unsafe situations
-do better in school
-better attachment
-higher self-esteem

Difference between scheduled and continuous feedings:

-Scheduled- every 2 hours, parents decide
-Continuous- feed when baby is hungry, every 30-45 mins (Babies fed cont. Cry less, are healthier, and sleep more)

What are some associations of child outcomes with breastfeeding?

-great for immune systems
-smarter babies
-newborns are hard-wired to nurse
"breast is best"

How long does the US breast feed/ the rest of the world?

US= 3 months on average
World= 3 years on average
(recommended by world health org to breast feed for at least 2 years)

Child "containers":

car seats/carriers

How much do Americans, on average, touch/hold their infants?

-Touch: 4-6 hrs (25%) -> By 9 months its decreased to 16%
-Hold: 2.5 hours

Does picking up a baby when it cries "spoil" it?

NO

Generativity (define and give examples):

-care for other, reaching out in a way that exceeds one's self
examples: raising children, community/charity work, teaching/mentoring youth
"Generativity requires a belief in the species"

Stagnation (define):

self-centered, lack of concern for welfare of society

Levinson's developmental tasks of adulthood:

o Young-old: Finding positive meaning in being older; for men it is health and for women it is body issues.
o Destruction-creation: Becoming more aware of how we have acted in a harmful way toward others and trying to correct it.
o Masculinity-femininity: Becoming more androgynous (women become a little more assertive and men become a little bit more sensitive).
o Engagement-separation: Resolving issues of work and family.

Big 5 personality factors (acronym: OCEAN)

-Openness: imaginative or practical, variety or routine, independent or conforming
-Conscientiousness: organized or disorganized, careful or careless, disciplined or impulsive
-Extraversion: sociable or retiring, fun-loving or somber, affectionate or reserved
-Agreeableness: soft-headed or ruthless, trusting or suspicious, helpful or uncooperative
-Neuroticism: calm or anxious, secure or insecure, self-satisfied or self-pitying

Is adult personality stable over time?

-Agreeableness and conscientiousness increase.
-Neuroticism declines.
-Extraversion and openness either do not change or decrease slightly.
-Personality is responsive to life experiences (change), but that change exists within
boundaries.
-These changes may just reflect a "setting down" or maturity.

Erikson's stage of Integrity vs. Despair:

-Integrity: look back on life and know it has purpose, felt like you had a good run, content with your life
-Despair-: look back on life and think it was meaningless, unsatisfied with life, usually had poor relationships
Age 65 to 75 years

Erikson's stageHope & Faith vs. Despair:

This is when people try to transcend life's circumstances. In a sense, one becomes less attached to life and its worries.
"When in doubt, speak your truth." "It is what it is."
Age 75+

Older adult's living arrangements:

Women Men
Living w/ spouse 41% 73%
Living alone 40% 17%
other 19% 10%
Only 5% are living in a nursing home

Living-Dying interval (Why might someone refuse medical care close to their death?):

-Rather live the short time they have left at home with family, not hooked up to wires in the hospital
-Don't want to live unless they can ___ (ex: walk dog)
-Fear being kept alive with medical technology with a diminished life

How to be with someone who is dying? (know the 10 suggestions)

1. Be a same eye level
2. Eliminate distractions
3. Be aware of the energy level of the person with regard to visiting
4. Follow the person's lead with accepting their death
5. Encourage expression of feeling
6. Don't be afraid to ask people about their prognosis
7. Ask the person if there is anyone they would like you to contact
8. Encourage the dying person to reminisce
9. Talk when they want to talk
10. Don't be afraid to say goodbye

Treadmill:

cycle of trying to make yourself happy and keeping moving forward
ex: buying stuff to make yourself happy

Intrinsic value:

psychologically happy, good relationships with friends and family, focus on compassion and cooperation, try to make world a better place

extrinsic value:

focus on self-image, money/ power/ fame, Less likely to be happy

Id/Ego/Superego (recognize in a scenario like the candy example)

-ID: I want ___ (i want candy)
-Superego: I know _____ (i know i am not allowed to have it)
-Ego: I did ____ ( I distracted myself with something or I asked anyway)

Attachment:

The strong emotional bond that children form with their primary caregiver, intense emotional relationship that emerges over time

Secure:
Avoidant:
Ambivalent:
Disorganized:
(Define and give outcome)

-Secure: warm, responsive, consistent, contingent, lots of physical contact
-Outcome of securely attached: less dependent on teachers in pre-k, more cooperative, peaceful, peacemakers, responsive to friend's requests
-Avoidant: consistently insensitive, less physical contact
-Ambivalent: inconsistent parenting; sometimes warm, sometimes not; mom is unsure or awkward; intrusive
-Disorganized: abuse, neglect, also too much screen time
-Outcome of insecurely attached (#2,3,4 are all insecure): more dependent on teachers, more aggressive with peers, more withdrawn

Four types of attachment:

1. Secure
2. Avoidant
3. Ambivalent
4. Disorganized

Temperament:

(Thomas & Chess) an innate style of responding to the environment

Types of temperament (define):

-Easy: approach new events, people, toys positively. React to novelty in a non-distressed way. Regular in sleeping and eating patterns. Generally cheerful and happy.
-Slow-to-Warm: withdraw from new events, people, toys. Easy with novelty. Lower activity levels. Fussy sometimes
-Difficult: react negatively to new things. Very active. Irregular eating and sleeping patterns

can temperament change?

Temperament can change due to maturing, a lot depends on parenting.

Marcia's identity development stages (define and name type of parenting style associated with it):

-Achievement: (Authoritative) commitment after crisis, resolved identity issues, have goals/beliefs/values
-Moratorium: (Authoritative) experiencing crisis, no commitment made, actively seeking answers
-Foreclosure: (Authoritarian) no crisis, commitment made, latched on to identity without exploration
-Diffusion: (Permissive) no commitment, no crisis, haven't thought about identity yet, "I don't know what/who i am and i don't care." possible substance abuse

Empathy (define and give an example):

recognizing and accepting another's emotions (ex: toddler sees another toddler crying, the one not crying will try to bring his parent to the one crying so they can be comforted or Baby in nursery cries, other babies cry with him because the feel for eachother.)

Cohabitation:

70-90% of couples will live together before marriage (researchers use to think that cohabitation meant greater likelihood of divorce; now we know there are differences in the reason why people cohabitate.)

3 Types of Cohabiters:

-Working class couples: combined income of 40k per year. Move in together more rapidly, more likely to divorce, finances was a main reason to move in together. "Sliding" not "deciding"
-Middle class: combined income of 68k. Decision to move in together was deliberate and thought out. See cohabitation as a step towards marriage.
-Serial cohabiters: view cohabitation as a "test" or relationship, less likely to commit to long-term relationship, more likely to divorce. (move in -> break up -> move in with new partner right away -> and so on...)

For what reasons do people move in together? Which reasons are predictive of long-term relationship success or failure?

-Utilitarian: financial reasons more likely to divorce
-Intimate Involvement: strong commitment; no plan to marry; "wait and see" more likely to divorce
-Prelude to marriage: have date set for marriage, no reason to wait less likely
-Alternative to marriage: both people don't want to get married but are committed less likely