The Play That Goes Wrong - Trevor (Tess) Lines

Preshow Concludes

Good evening, ladies and gentle—

A: You said that was fine.

Just leave it, leave it.

Okay, welcome to The Murder at Haversham Manor. Can I kindly request that all your cell phones and other electronic devices are switched off and please note that photography of any kind is strictly prohibited. Also if anyone finds a Duran Duran CD box set anywhere in the auditorium, that is a personal item and I want that back. Please do drop it at my tech box end of the show. Enjoy the performance.

Alright, can we prepare the lights up on Act One, note for the cast Winston is still missing, we need to find him before the guard dog scene—

C: Tess! Tess!

—we need him back in his cage as soon as possible. What’s Annie doing onstage? Get her off so Christine can do her stupid speech—oop!

R: …That’s right!

Sound effect error on cue four.

M: As I said: driven mad with paranoia and jealousy.

Oh no!

C: …Anyway—

…No, it’s going quite badly to be honest, buddy.

C: Before we begin again—

Yeah, she’s still unconscious and we still can’t find the dog—

D: …that was most—

Sorry, buddy, go on.

R: I have no idea who killed Cecil, I was down in the kitchens when I heard the gunshots, fetching my sister some refreshments…

Line!

I don’t know what page we’re on, buddy!

M: Miss Colleymoore, I do not feel as you suggest. You are a murderer and a seductress and I shall not be seduced.

But Arthur, how can you resist me? I’m a beautiful woman.

M: Stop, Miss Colleymoore. You are using your powers over men as you always have.

You can’t pretend your feelings aren’t real.

M: Very well, perhaps it is true that I have admired you.

Then kiss…ohh! Then kiss me. Arthur. You know you want to.

Beat.

Nah. Nah. No one wants to see that.

R: Florence, you’ve changed.

Your wild accusations have driven me to this. I feel dizzy. I feel like I’m about to pass out!

C: And all the while you were plotting your fiancé’s demise!

Oh Inspector! All these accusations, I feel an episode coming on.

R: …or so I thought until earlier on this evening…

Line!

This sets a damn death trap!

R: Well, I don’t…know. What do you mean? You don’t mean you gave me…Charley? Charley, no! Line!

Just die already!

J: …Betrayed by my brother—

Wrong music cue.

Oh come on!