Colonel Mustard Clue High School Version

Wad: good evening

Good evening. Im not sure if Im in the right-

Wad: Yes indeed u r expected colonel

How do you-

Wad - It is colonel mustard isnt it?

No, thats not my name. My name is colonel-

Wad- I believe its been recommended that tonight you use a pseudonym

Oh, no thank you. I took an antihistamine before I came.

Wad- May i take your coat

oh. all right. I suppose I… (pop i yelp)

Yvette- Champagne

(flustere) Oh, uh, dont mind if I…

yvette- this way monsiuer

Ah. Thank you. (doorbell) Are you expecting someone else?

yvette- Follow me colonel

With pleasure, my dear.

white- Oh. hello

Hello. Pleased to meet you.

White- welcome to the party

MUSTARD. (Tickled pink:) This is turning out to be quite the crowd.

wad- Youre all here. Colonel Mustard.

Present.

Wad- Please be seated

is that me? Stay standing This place -at the head of the table- is that for you?

Wad-i am merely a humble butler

What exactly do you do?

Scarlet-Do you like Kipling, Colonel?

Sure, I'll eat anything. so if this seat is not for you, butler, then whos it for? is there a 7th guest?

Prof-In my professional opinion, it seems you suffer from what we call "pressure of speech."

is that an official diagnosis?

its an acronym

I have a sister who was a gymnast.

You are a real colonel, aren't you?

I am, sir.

Aren't you gonna mention the coincidence that you also live in Washington, D.C., Colonel?

how did you know that

I'm not a communist! I'm a Republican

Wadsworth, we've had about enough of this! Where's our host, and why have we been brought here?

the acoustic coupling between the door and the glass allows sound waves to travel from one side to another

(hold glass to my ear while standin seperate)

well meet you in the study

(tap on glass like a mic) We didnt hear a thing!

Can I interest any of you in fruit or dessert?

All: No!

i dont smoke

"For Wadsworth. Open After Dinner." It's for you.

Right then. Are you comfortable?

I make a good living

Painful financial liability

indeed

As it turns out, you all have one thing in common.

That tyrant McCarthy! We're all being blacklisted, aren't we?

is mr boddy himslf

its mr boddy? what a scoundrel!

.. I too am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.

so am i

Is that how you knew Colonel Mustard works in Washington? Is he one of your clients?

certainl not!

I was asking Miss Scarlet

Well, you tell him it's not true!

a double negative!

Double "negative"? You mean you have- Photographs?

im afraid you gave yourself away

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

you dont need any help from me, sir.

that's right

Those "negatives" would most certainly compromise your position.

this is an outrage!

Say what you want. I didn't kill him.

Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

"Mr. Green, who is a homosexual."

not me

I beg your pardon?

You asked, "Who is a homosexual," and I said, not me.

what could be more american than that

apple pie

where is this mr boddy

And what does he want from us?

theres no way out

You can't hold us hostage!

how dyou do

Bribing all these good people? I don't get it! What's in it for you?!

There is one more piece of information you may like to have.

what

this is the kind of scandal im trying to avoid

i refuse to have my record tarnished

unless…

Unless what?

i think some of you would spend a lifetime in jail, and others a lifetime of shame

you crook!

something i just cant bear to do myself

what!?

A candlestick? What's this for?

a wrench

I wouldn't have to double your payments if I didn't have to pay Mr. Wadsworth for his silence.

wadsworth?!

Look, there's a bullet lodged here.

Eagle eye, Miss Scarlet.

Well, don't look at me! I didn't do it!

What're you looking at me for?!

yvette are you alright; No!

yvette?! are you alive?!

Where? Here! We're all looking at him. Or her…

What took you so long?

who cares about ze tapes? what about ze body

What body?

only ze cook

ZE COOK!

With a dagger in her back!

Someone must've killed her!

I hate murders!

I think you'd better explain yourself, Wadsworth.

me?

well, who else would want to kill the cook

Dinner wasn't that bad.

How can you make jokes at a time like this?

It's my defense mechanism

Some defense! If I were the killer I'd kill you next.

(all gasp)

I said "if." There's only one admitted killer here, and it's not me. It's Mrs. White!

I've admitted nothing

You paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had?

Mine or other women's?

yours

five

five?

Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex- soft, strong and disposable.

well, if it wasn't you, who was it? who had the dagger

Yes. But I put it down.

where

In the Study. Any one of us could have picked it up.

well, I didnt

I thought I had!

So was he dead or wasn't he?!

well all go to the chair

wadsworth, am i right in thinking that there is nobody else in this house

Um. No.

Then there is someone else in this house?

Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes."

"No," meaning "yes?"

yes.

look, I want a straight answer.

dont look at me.

(look at green) there seems to be some confusion about whether or not we are the only people in this house.

there isn't

there isnt any confusion or there isnt anybody else?

either, both

Just give me a clear answer! Is there anyone else in the house?

no!

Know with a silent K or…

Ten points, Professor Plum.

What kind of game are you playing, Wadsworth?

Have you all forgotten about the evidence against us?

the evidence

empty?!

then wheres all the evidence?

And destroy it!

Evidence against us aside, first things first. We're in a room with two dead bodies.

An ze cops are on zeir way!

Let's move the corpses to the couch to couch so they look less dead.

Careful. Don't get guts on the ground.

Solid battlefield, Professor Plum. Never leave a man behind.

Now is not the time for art appreciation! Butler…

ohhh.

ohhh.

A hidden safe behind a portrait. How original!

voila!

What are you going to do with the key to the safe, Wadsworth?

The killer seems to be doing a fine job of opening and closing doors all by himself. I don't see how us opening the door for one tiny second could possibly make any sort of a difference.

But what if we open the door, throw away the key, and the killer catches it. Then the killer would have the key were trying to confiscate!

Takes one to know one

Leave him to me. Interrogation is my specialty. (open the door) How do you do?

I'm sorry… I didnt mean to disturb the whole household, but my car broke down out here, and I was wondering if I could use your phone.

Are you a killer?

What? No!

All right then. This way please.

Well? Where is it?

What? The Body?

What? There's no body. There's nobody.

Riiiight. There's nobody in the Study.

Everything all right?

yep. two corpses. Everythings fine.

We've got one potential suspect contained in the Lounge-but that leaves the whole rest of this place up for grabs. Who knows what's behind all these doors.

I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion. We split up and search the house.

Split up?!

Yes! We'll split up into pairs. That way none of us will be alone.

mon dieu!

But then we would have discovered who the murder is!

But the other half of the pair would be dead!

This is war, Peacock! Casualties are inevitable. you cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs-every cook will tell you that.

Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?

What choice do we have?

I suppose you're right.

All right, troops. Divide and conquer. I'll split us into pairs. (childish) One potato, two potato, three pota…

psst

(yelp) Oh there u r

youll never believe what i found in the hallway. professor plums tobaco pipe

huh. what do you think that means?

who knows! But it seems suspici if you ask me

I just did.