Relationships Exam 2

chapter 6, 8, 9 and homosexuality powerpoint

interdependency

exists when we need others and they need us in order to obtain valuable interpersonal rewards

EX: two people relying on each other for affection, support, and acceptance

social exchange

each person in a relationship provides the other benefits and rewards that the other wants

EX: when you give me some of what I want then I will give you some of what you want

components of social exchange

• outcomes

• comparison levels (CLs)

• comparison levels for alternatives (CLalts)

reward

refers to anything within an interaction that is desirable and welcome and that brings enjoyment or fulfillment to the recipient

costs

punishing, undesirable experiences; can involve financial expenditures or psychological burdens

outcome

the net profit or loss a person encounters

• outcomes = rewards - costs

• more rewarding than punishing = positive outcomes

• whether your outcomes are positive or negative is not as important as how they compare to our expectations and perceptions

comparison level (CL)

the value of our outcomes that we’ve come to expect and believe that we deserve in our dealings with others

• based on past experiences and are the standard by which our satisfaction is measured in relationships

• outcomes - CL = satisfaction or dissatisfaction

high comparison level

expect and feel they deserve very good outcomes; leads to good relationships where people prioritize their partner’s respecting them

low comparison level

expect and feel they deserve less outcomes; leads to poor relationships and people are more accepting of negative/abusive behavior

comparison level for alternatives (CLalts)

determines whether we could be doing even better somewhere else; describes the outcomes you’d receive by leaving your current relationships and moving to the best alternative partnership or situation you have available; also determines our dependence on our relationships; the lowest level of outcomes we will tolerate from our present partners

• the greater the gap between our current outcomes and our poorer alternatives, the more dependent on our present relationship we are

• outcomes - CLalt = dependence or independence

investments

the things one could lose if the relationship were to end, also important influences on whether someone will stay or go

EX: tangible things like furniture or a house or psychological benefits such as love and respect from in-laws and friends or it could be children

happy, stable relationship

outcomes are greater than their comparison levels and their comparison level for alternatives; they’re getting more from their partners than they expect and believe they’re doing better than they could anywhere else

unhappy, stable relationship

outcomes are below their comparison levels but are greater than their comparison level for alternatives; they are dissatisfied and they’re getting less than they expect and feel they deserve but they’re still doing better than they think they can elsewhere

happy, unstable relationship

outcomes are below their comparison level for alternatives but higher than their comparison levels; they’re satisfied with their present partners but believe that they have even more attractive outcomes waiting for them elsewhere; not likely to stay (this is like if you loved your current job and then got an offer for an even better job)

unhappy, unstable relationship

outcomes are below their comparison level and their comparison level for alternatives; they are dissatisfied with their relationship and they have better alternatives waiting for them elsewhere; they won’t be staying for much longer

Principle of Lesser Interest

the partner that depends less on a relationship has more power in that relationship; the person with less to lose by ending a desired partnership gets to call the shots

5-to-1 ratio

the ratio of positive to negative exchanges; the couple that exercised this were said to have a low risk of divorce and are more satisfied with their relationships

• something bad has a stronger effect than something good

approach motivation

we try to satisfy an appetite for desirable experiences; we pursue pleasure and out motivation for doing something is to feel good, and we draw near to desired experiences, we feel positive emotions such as enthusiasm and excitement

EX: for sex, we would try to feel close to our partners and enjoy the physical experience

avoidance motivation

our desire to avoid costs; we seek to elude or escape punishment and pain so we strive to avoid undesired experiences and to reduce negative feelings such as anxiety and fear

EX: for sex, we would avoid rejection or to end a peevish partner’s pouting

approach goals are fulfilled

plenty of novel, enticing rewards are present, so the relationship is passionate and invigorating

avoidance goals are fulfilled

aggravation and annoyance are averted, so the relationship is safe and secure

approach goals are thwarted

a monotonous lack of stimulation makes the relationship dull and stagnant

avoidance goals are thwarted

insecurity and discord are present, so relationship is dangerous and threatening

flourishing

with many delights and few costs; avoidance and approach goals are fulfilled

boring

being safe but dull; avoidance goals are fulfilled but approach goals are thwarted

distressed

with few rewards and many costs; approach and avoidance goals are thwarted

precarious

with many delights and many dangers; avoidance goals are thwarted but approach goals are fulfilled

boredom

characterized by tedium, disinterest, and lack of energy, and it occurs when nothing enticing, intriguing, or new is occurring in an intimate relationship; no sparks, no excitement, no arousal, and no fun

importance of noting the roles of motivations in our relationships

• in good relationships, we are able to fulfill both motivations at the same time

• the chronic strength of these motives differs from person to person

• the independent operation of approach and avoidance motivations means that being happy may involve different strategies than those that are involved in not being unhappy

self expansion model

we are attracted to partnerships that expand the range of our interests, skills, and experiences; according to this, the key to staying happy in a relationship is to combat boredom

relational turbulence

we should expect a period of adjustment and turmoil as new partners become accustomed to their increasing interdependence

• turbulence can occur after a major transition has occurred and is temporary

• the amount of turmoil and turbulence in a new relationship increases as the partners spend more time together and begin to interfere with each other’s routines

lack of effort

effort in being consistently charming decreases as the relationship continues

interdependency is a magnifying glass

interdependency magnifies conflict and friction

access of weaponry

intimacy means knowing each others secrets and weaknesses which can lead to later ammunition

unrealistic expectations

close relationships can be very difference from the blissful, intimate idylls we want them to be

unwelcome surprises

surprises later on in the relationship

• learning the truth about things we thought we knew

• learned undesired things that you didn’t know at all

interdependency theory

in the quest for good outcomes, individuals will often be forgiving to those on whom they depend because it is reasonable and valuable to do so

exchange relationships

people do favors for others expecting to be repaid by receiving comparable benefits in return; evening the scales; very superficial

communal relationships

the partners feel a special concern for other’s well-being, and they provide favors and support to one another without expecting repayment

communal strength

the motivation to be responsive to a particular partner’s needs, as the feelings of communal strength increases, people enjoy making small sacrifices for their partners

equity

people are most satisfied in relationships in which there is proportional justice, each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to his or her contributions to it

• your outcomes = your partner’s outcomes

• your contributions = your partner’s contributions

overbenefited

when one partner receives better outcomes than he or she deserves'; may lead to the partner overbenefiting to feel guilty

underbenefited

when one partner receives less than he or she should; may lead to the partner underbenefiting to feel undervalued

satisfier

people who pursue partners who meet their expectations but who, when they’re satisfied, stop looking any further once they found someone

maximizers

those who want to optimize their outcomes and enjoy maximum satisfaction, so they keep evaluating their options

commitment

a desire for the relationship to continue and the willingness to work to maintain it; associated with sharing, supportiveness, honesty, faithfulness, and trust

• a feature is being able to forecast how satisfying the partnership will be in the future

investment model

emerges from all of the elements of social exchange that are associated with people’s comparison levels and comparison level of alternatives, satisfaction level, quality of alternatives, and investment size

• satisfaction level and investment size are positively related to commitment

• quality of alternatives is negatively related to commitment

commitment readiness

people’s sense of whether or not they are ready to be in a romantic relationship

low commitment readiness

feeling unprepared and incapable of planning a future with anyone; when people feel this, they work less hard in relationships and remain uncommitted

high commitment readiness

if single, actively pursue new partnerships and then self-disclose more openly, commit more fully, and are less likely to break up

personal commitment

occurs when people feel they want to continue a relationship because they are attracted to their partners and the relationship is satisfying

constraint commitment

occurs when people feel they have to continue a relationship because it would be too costly for them to leave

moral commitment

occurs when people feel they ought to continue the relationship because it would be improper to end it and break their vows; derives from a sense of moral obligation to one’s partner or one’s relationship

accomodation

people refrain from responding to provocation from their partners with similar ire of their own; they tolerate destructive behavior from their partners without fighting back

willingness to sacrifice

do things they wouldn’t do if they were on their own and they do not do things they would have liked to do, in order to benefit their partners and their partnerships

derogation of tempting alternatives

reduces the allure of those who might otherwise entice us away from our present partners, and that helps protect our partnerships; leads us to judge other potential to be less attractive than they would seem if we were single and unattached

three building blocks of love

intimacy, passion, and commitment; all three are needed to create true love

intimacy

the feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing that often characterize loving relationships; motive/drive

passion

characterized by physical arousal and desire, excitement, and need; sexual longing; motive/drive

commitment

feelings of permanence, stability; cognitive

sides of the triangle of love

nonlove, liking, infatuation and empty love

nonlove

if intimacy, passion, and commitment are all absent, love does not exist, instead you have a casual, superficial, uncommitted relationship between two people who are probably just acquaintances, not friends

liking

intimacy is high but passion and commitment are very low, this occurs in friendships with real closeness and warmth that do not arouse passion or the expectations of a relationship

infatuation

passion is high but intimacy and commitment are absent; infatuation occurs when people experience when they are aroused by others they barely know

romantic love

high intimacy and passion occur together and commitment is absent

companionate love

intimacy and commitment are high; closeness, communication, and sharing are coupled with substantial investment in the relationship as the partners work to maintain a deep, long-term friendship; epitomized as a long, happy marriage

fatuous love

passion and commitment in the absence of intimacy; occurs when partners marry quickly on the basis of overwhelming passion but don’t know each other very well

consummate love

intimacy, passion, and commitment are all present to a substantial degree, people experience “complete” love; hard to maintain but the main goal

three biological systems that control components of love experiences

lust, attraction and attachment

lust

the sex drive; regulated by the sex hormones and drives successful reproduction by providing us the motivation to mate with others

attraction

promotes the pursuit of a particular preferred romantic partner; drives pair bonding for fueling romantic love; regulated by dopamine

attachment

used to describe the feelings of comfort, security, and connection to a long-term mate that keeps a couple together long enough to protect and sustain their very young children; drives companionate love and is regulated by oxytocin

the two factors of passionate attraction

• physiological arousal such as a fast heart beat and is coupled with

  • the belief that another person is the cause of your arousal

romantic love

according to the two-factor model, it is produced or at least intensified when feelings of arousal are associated with the presence of another attractive person; typically a blind type of love

companionate love

combination of intimacy and commitment; comfortable, affectionate, trusting love for a likable partner based on a deep sense of friendship; long lasting marriage are typically of this type of love

• involves the release of oxytocin which promotes relaxation and reduces stress; often referred to as the “love and cuddle hormone”

compassionate love

altruistic care and concern for the well-being of one’s partner; combines the trust and understanding of intimacy with compassion and caring that involves empathy, selflessness, and sacrifice on behalf of the beloved

• tend to share the pain or joy that their loved ones experience and they would rather suffer themselves than to allow someone close to them be hurt

eros

erotic lover finds good looks compelling and seeks and intense, passionate relationship; heavily influenced by physical appearance and believe in love at first sight; based on the destiny belief

ludus

considers love to be an uncommitted game and likes to play the field and often try to have several different partners at once

storge

prefers friendships that gradually grow into lasting commitments

mania

demanding, possessive, and excitable and full of vivid fantasy and obsession

agape

altruistic and dutiful, selfless and treats love as a duty

pragma

practiva, careful, and logical in seeking a mate, dispassionately seek partners who will logically be a good match for them; these type of lovers have a set list of attributes that their partners have to meet and won’t stray from it

unrequited love

romantic, passionate attraction to someone who did not return that interest

hookups

sexual interactions with nonromantic partners that usually last one night and does not involve any expectations of a lasting relationship

sexual double standard

men who have had multiple sexual partners may be admired as a “stud” whereas a women who have had multiple sexual partners is viewed as a “slut”

common motives for sex

positive states such as attraction, pleasure, affection, love, romance, and emotional closeness,

factors influencing the frequency people have sex

• nature/duration of their relationships

• person’s age

  • sexual orientation

extradyadic sex

having sex outside of the couple without permission of one’s partner

sociosexual orientations

the trait-like collections of beliefs and behaviors that describe our feelings about sex

restricted sociosexual orientation

people generally willing to have sex only in the context of a committed and affectionate relationship

unrestricted sociosexual orientation

people who did not seek much closeness or commitment before pursuing sex

good genes hypothesis

women can profit from a dual mating strategy in which they pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while surreptitiously seeking good genes for their children from other men

sperm competition

occurs when the sperm of two or more men occupy a woman’s vagina at the same time

consensual non monogamy

an arrangement in which partners agree that is is acceptable to have more than one sexual or romantic relationship at the same time; three types: open relationship, swingers, and polyamory

open relationship

the partners feel free to have sex with others, but they agree to avoid any romantic or emotional attachments to those other people

swingers

pursue extradyadic sex as a couple

polyamory

the couples have full-fledged love affairs that may be both sexual and romantic relationships with more than one person

sex drives

men have higher sex drives than women do; they experience more frequent and more intense sexual desires and are routinely more motivated to engage in sexual activity than women are

reasons why there is so much unsafe sex

• underestimates of risk

• faulty decision making

• pluralistic ignorance (believing something bad won’t happen to you)

• inequalities in power

• abstinence education

• low self-control

• decreased intimacy and pleasure