Family studies

Humans and intimacy

we are a very social species. we suffer when we are deprived of close contact with others, and at the core of our social nature is our need for intimate relationships

7 components of intimacy

Knowledge: intimate partners have extensive personal, often confidential, information about each other.

Interdependence: intimate partners have strong, diverse, and enduring influence on each other. what you do impacts your partner

Caring: intimate partners feel more affection for one another than they do for most others

Trust: intimate partners expect treatment from one another that is fair and honourable

Responsiveness: intimate partners are attentive to each other’s needs and the support each other more effectively than they do most others

Mutuality: intimate partners think of themselves as a couple instead of two entirely separate individuals

Commitment: intimate partners expect their relationship to continue, and they work to realize that goal. Invest time, effort, and resources

not required for intimacy to exist but our most satisfying and meaningful relationships include all 7 of these characteristics

The need for intimacy

there is a human need to belong in close relationships and if not met, a variety of problems follow. Biological benefits include stronger immune systems, pain seems less potent, wounds heal faster, longer lives, etc. This need may have been evolutionarily adaptive such that people who were able to form stable relationships were able to reproduce and therefore be evolutionarily adaptive.

The influence of culture

cultural norms influence how we form intimate relationships. these have changed a lot in the last few generations. Such as: fwer people get married than ever before (49% are presently married in US), people are waiting longer to get married, people live together even when theya rent married, people often have children out of wedlock, about half of marigages end in divorce, most children have mothers who work outside of the home.

why havw our cultural norms changed

Increasing socioeconomic development: education and financial resources allow people to be more independent and less likely to marry (more women working)

Increasing individualism: pursuit of personal fulfilment and self-expression, more likely to put ourselves first

Technoference: constant connection to phones, frequent interruptions of interactions caused by devices

Lower sex ratio: #of men/# of women. When ratio is high=too few women which means traditional roles and sexually conservative views. When ratio is low= too few men which means less traditional and more permissive

Influence of experience

Infants interactions with caregivers shapes their attachment styles which are learned orientations towards relationships with others. identified three broad types of attachment styles: Secure→ often from responsive care and protection that was reliable, now forms trusting, comfortable relationships. Anxious-ambivalent→ when caregivers were unpredictable. and inconsistent, sometimes involved, sometimes not. Develop fretful, nervous, clingy, and needy relationships. Avoidant→ came from hostile caregivers, learned they cannot rely on others and struggle to form trusting and close relationships

In adults this can be divided into, secure, preoccupied (needy and jealous, worried about status of relationship), dismissing (self-sufficient and doesnt care about people liking them), and fearful (avoid intimacy because they fear rejection and mistrust, suspicious)

These are learned so they can be unlearned

influence of individual differences 1

Sex differences: men and women dont actually differ as much as people think. There is lots of overlap in traits, attitudes, behaviours, etc. Most “sex” differences are actually quite small and variation within each sex is much greater than any variation between the sexes.

influence of individual differences 2

Gender differences: gender refers to the social and psychological distinctions created by our cultures and upbringings. It is complex. Gender roles are the patterns of behaviour that are expected of “normal” men and women. but only half of us have attributes that fit these expectations. Stereotypes can harm relationships, traditional men and women do not like each other as much as less sterotyped people do.

influence of individual differences 3

Self-esteem: sociometer theory→ self-esteem is a gauge that measures the quality of our relationships with others. When others like us, we like ourselves. When people have low self-esteem they tend to underestimate their partner’s love for them, are less optimistic that their love will last, etc. It both results from and then subsequently influences our close relationships.

Influence of individual differences 4

Personality: The big five traits→ open-mindedness, extraversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, negative emotionality

Influence of individual differences 5

Sexual orientation: the nature and workings of fulfilling connections between partners are not affected much by sexual orientation

influence of human nature

Three assumptions of evolutionary psychology:

Sexual selection: has sculpted our species. Evolution was strongly influenced by who people chose as partners and who successfully reproduced, culture changes determine whether certain behaviours are adaptive and culture changes occur faster than human nature does.

Parental investment: men and women differ enormously in the minimum time and biological effort they have to provide to each child they produce. so it is adaptive for women to be more careful in the mate they choose.

Paternity uncertanty: men, but not women may face doubts about whether or not a child is theirs, so men are especially vigilant toward the threat of marital infidelity

the evolutionary perspective remains controversial. Critics say that cultural influences matter more than the evolutionary perspective suggests

The dark side

intimacy is sometimes costly too. Distress and displeasure sometimes result from our dealings with others. We take the risk because we are a social species and we need each other.