Lectures 11 Relationships and Attraction

WHY ARE RELATIONSHIPS IMPORTANT?

Need to belong: Like physical needs (food, air, water), humans have a fundamental need to connect to others.

Two parts:

1. Need frequent positive interactions with others

2. Need to form social bonds (relationships)

relationship importance

Mortality rates

• Higher for divorced, unmarried, and widows

Hospital admission for psychiatric problems

• Higher rates for divorced

Suicide rates

• Higher for single and divorced

Evolutionary perspectives:

• Relationships can increase chances of survival (safety, provision, etc.)

• Look for partners who will help pass along our genes, provide for offspring

▪ Social Capital (Bordieu, 1986):

• Relationships (romantic + friends, family, etc.) contribute to our networks and therefore social capital: access to resources via social connections

loneliness

The distressing experience of perceiving one’s social relationships to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than desired.

• Associated with poor health and well-being, mortality

• Not determined by the size of the social network

• Social surrogates: Non human connections that can stand in for human ones (e.g., fictional characters)

HOW IMPORTANT IS A ROMANTIC PARTNER TO WELL-BEING?

▪ Walsh et al. (2023) built profiles of couples and single people using measures of social and psychological well being

▪ Couple P1 and Single P1 reported similar life satisfaction, as did Couple P3 and Single P2-P4

▪ Importantly, those that reported higher life satisfaction also tended to report higher social well-being

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

Exchange relationships : Relationships in which the people involved want to make sure that some sort of equity is achieved and that rewards and costs to each of the partners is fairly distributed

• reciprocity

• workers/supervisors

• teachers and students

• bureaucrats

Communal relationship : Relationships in which neither partner is keeping score, feeling that over the long haul some semblance of equity will take place

• As relationships (romantic or friend) become closer and more intimate, they become more communal

cultural context of relationships

▪ Interdependent societies -More inclined to view relationships as communal

▪ Independent societies -More inclined to view relationships as exchanges

Social exchange theory

How people feel about a relationship depends on their assessments of its costs and rewards. Why are we with them????

E.g., Friend A for partying; Friend B for deep conversations.

assessment of relationships (standards)

We have standards!

• Our assessment of our relationships are based on our expectations

Comparison Level : Expectations about what we think we deserve/should get out of a relationship

• High comparison level = high expectations

Comparison level for alternatives: Expectations about what we think we can get out of alternative relationships

• low- low standards

• high- high standards

Investment Model

builds on social exchange theory, and says that commitment is related to satisfaction level, quality of alternatives, and prior investment (Rusbult, 2012)

• Commitment ≠ satisfaction

Equity Theory

People are motivated to pursue fairness, or equity, in their relationships

• A relationship is considered equitable when the benefits are proportionate to the effort both people put into it.

Social exchange theory → very western concept

Vulnerability Stress Adaptation Model

framework that explains how a variety of stressors and strengths combine to predict the quality of a relationship (Karney & Bradbury, 1995)

• Is often used to explain marriage stability vs. divorce, but also applies to relationships that experience societal stressors

WHAT ATTRACTS US TO OTHERS? Proximity

Physical closeness.

▪ Functional distance: cross. How often people’s paths

▪ Apartment study (Festinger et al., 1950):

• 65% said closest friend was in the same building.

• 41% said closest friend lived next door

• 22% said closest friend lived two doors away

• 10% said closest friend at other end of hall

▪ What about online dating?

• Proximity still matters.

Why does proximity lead to attraction

▪ More likely to come in contact

▪ Might be in proximity because of shared interests

Mere exposure effect: The tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after repeated exposure.

• Mita et al. (1977): Photographs vs. mirror images

WHAT ATTRACTS US TO OTHERS? Similarity

Similarity : Birds of a feather flock together.

▪ Newcomb (1961): Housing study

▪ Why is similarity important in attraction?

• Less conflict, more validation ▪ What about complementarity

Matching hypothesis (opposites attract)? : The tendency to choose as partners those who are a match in attractiveness.

• Huston (1973): Preference…or fear of rejection?

WHAT ATTRACTS US TO OTHERS? Reciprocal liking

Reciprocal liking who like us: We like people who like us

▪ Curtis & Miller (1986): Can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

▪ Flattery: Effective even when randomly generated, but undermined if the motive is suspect.

▪ Increases in praise over time > consistently flattering

• Aronson & Linder (1965): Eavesdropping study

WHAT ATTRACTS US TO OTHERS? Physical attractiveness

Physical attractiveness

▪ Higher salaries, more likely to win political races, given benefit of the doubt by teachers…

Beautiful-is-good effect: The belief that physically attractive people also have a wide range of other positive traits.

• Kalick (1977): Effects of plastic surgery

• Reality: Often another self-fulfilling prophecy

What do we find attractive (on average)?

Reproductive fitness: Can I pass on my genes with this person?

• May be an over-generalization

Protypes: in general, people favor those who represent the “average” or typical member of a group-morphed faces to create an “average” rated as more attractive

• Bilateral symmetry: Two sides of the face mirror each other.

Contrast effects: Attractiveness is relative.

• Kenrick (1989) –Centerfold study