Chapter 5: Listening and Responding Skills

Listening

Process of selecting, attending to,

creating meaning from, remembering,

and responding to verbal and nonverbal

messages

Selecting

Process of choosing one sound while

sorting through various sounds compet

ing for your attention

Attending

Focusing on a particular sound or message

Hearing

Selecting + Attending

Physiological process of decoding

sounds.

Understanding

Assigning meaning to messages

Remembering

Recalling information that has been communicated

Responding

Confirming your understanding of a message

Listening style

the preferred way of making sense of the spoken messages you hear.

1. Relational

2. Analytical

3. Critical

4. Task-oriented

Relational

Comfortable and skilled with feelings and emotions

"You're a good listener."

Using active/empathic listening skills

Analytical

Focus on facts and consider all sides before reaching a conclusion

Well-organized

Good at judging validity of messages

Critical

Good at evaluating what they hear; may second-guess a message

Good at catching errors in logic and reasoning

Tend to be skeptical about information they hear

Task-oriented

Focus on achieving specific outcome rather than relationship - Prefers messages to be brief and to the point

Time-sensitive

Prefer purposeful messages

Listening Barriers

1. Being self-absorbed

2. Unchecked emotions

3. Criticizing the speaker

4. Differing speech and thought rates

5. Information overload

6. External noise

7. Listener apprehension

Being self-absorbed

Become conscious of the self-focus, and shift attention

Only listening to what is relevant to you (narcissism)

Unchecked emotions

Use self-talk to manage emotions.

emotional noise

Criticizing the speaker

Focus on the message, not the messenger.

Listening only to respond and criticize

Differing speech and thought rates

Use the time difference between speech rate and thought rate to mentally summarize the message.

125 wpm speech rate but 600-800 wpm thought rate

Information overload

Realize when you or your partner is tired or distracted and not ready to listen.

External noise

Take charge of the listening environment by eliminating distractions.

Listener apprehension

Concentrate on the message as you mentally summarize what you hear

Fear of misunderstanding or misinterpreting

Active Listening

The process of being physically and mentally engaged in the listening process and letting the listener know that you are engaged.

Paraphrase the message briefly in your own words

Express understanding of the speaker’s feelings with a provisional statement

Ask questions to get the speaker talking again and thinking about the issues