FMST 314: Maintaining, Enhancing, Repairing Relationships

relationship maintenance

involves keeping a relationship:

• in existence

• in a specific state

• in repair

cognitive strategies to enhance relationships

• cognitive interdependence

• positive illusions

• inattention to alternatives

• derogation of alternatives

derogation of alternatives

judging other potential relationship partners as less desirable

inattention to alternatives

ignoring other potential partners

positive illusions

seeing your partner in an idealized way

cognitive interdependence

using a “we” perspective instead of two separate individuals

behavioural strategies to enhance relationships

• willingness to sacrifice

• accommodation

• prayer/religious engagement

• self-control

• play

• rituals

• forgiveness

self-control

managing impulses/emotions

Michelangelo phenomenon

supporting a partner’s ideal self

rituals

sharing recurring behaivours together

contentment-focused strategies to enhance relationships

• making interactions enjoyable

• being open/discussing wants/needs

• assurance, expressing commitment

• sharing tasks

• engaging with each other’s social networks

• participate in joint activities

routines to enhance relationships

everyday habits that maintain the bond (eg: saying goodnight)

strategic strategies to enhance relationships

deliberate actions, eg: anniversary gifts, planned vacations

research on relationship maintenance

• definitions vary by study

• most research is done on heterosexual relationships

• some focus on early marriage years, where divorce risk is higher

preventions

unofficial “prenups” with agreed-upon steps, eg: marital counselling

• helps to agree before things get heated, difficult to agree in the moment

therapy

• approaches diffier in focus

  • eg: behaviours, vulnerability, past events, present difficulties

• type of therapy is best when it appeals to the couple the most

• therapist qualities (eg: cultural competence) influence satisfaction

difficulties of maintaining relationships

• requires ongoing effort and self-awareness

• life stressors can strain resources (eg: time, place, energy)

• shifts in expectations over time

• potential mismatch in maintenance style between partners

mechanisms

strategic cognitive and behavioural actions partners take to sustain the relationship

perceived superiority

believing your own relationship is better than most other couples’ relationships

savouring

deliberately noticing and appreciating positive moments in the relationship

integrative behavioural couple therapy

encourages acceptance of unchangeable differences

cognitive-behavioural couple therapy

adds focus to identify and change maladaptive relaitonship thoughts

emotionally focused couple therapy

works to create more secure emotional bonds

insight-oriented couple therapy

helps partners understand past relationships shape current problems