Socializing and Friendships

autistic individuals can

• make friends

• engage in social interactions

• make meaningful connections with others

• be a part of the community/group

Myth: autistic people don’t have friends

• Autistic people can often make friends but rarely make close friends 

• This can lead to feelings of loneliness 

• Autistic individuals may struggle to maintain friendships 

• May struggle to understand the actions needed to socialize with others 

  • call them regularly etc.,

• Most friendships are based on shared activities or common interests

Myth: Autistic people are rude on purpose

• Autistic people tend to be direct and transparent 

• May communicate clearly and directly

• This may come across as a blunt or harsh communication style 

• Most Autistic individuals are trying to show they care about the person they are interacting with 

• Emotional exchanges may be limited and emotional closeness may be difficult to establish

Myth: Autistic people don’t have social needs

• Everyone has a desire to communicate and be social 

• However, individuals with Autism may be okay spending lots of time alone.

Myth: Autistic people only struggle w/ verbal socialization

• Social skills can be a struggle across contexts 

• Understanding internet relationships 

• Communicating in written versus verbal formats 

Myth: Autistic individual cannot participate in group activities

• Autistic people report feeling misunderstood and excluded from social groups. 

• This does not mean they can’t participate 

• When people make an effort to understand Autistic experiences, Autistic people can feel more included and less isolated.

Challenges

• Communication differences, sensory sensitivities, and unfamiliarity with neurotypical social norms can impact forming and maintaining friendships. 

• Establishing appropriate topics can be challenging. 

• Understanding nonverbal communication, abstract language, humor, etc. 

• Anxiety and depression may play a factor.

Sensory Overload

• Sensory issues can impact how individuals participate in social activities. 

• Sensory overload may be negatively perceived by peers. 

Masking in Social Interactions

• Some individuals may “hide” their Autistic traits in order to fit in socially. 

• This may help them participate in social interaction for short periods of time. 

• May lead to physical and mental exhaustion 

• Relationships may feel unauthentic or “one sided” 

• Some examples may include: 

  • Forcing eye contact, suppressing repetitive movements, underplaying interests, mimicking other’s behavior, forcing facial expressions, having a social script 

  • Can you think of other examples? 

Autistic Individuals may

• prefer fact focused interactions

• be perceived as '“brutally honest”

• have a preference discussing interests

• prefer slower paced conversation

• prefer direct conversation

• be comfortable playing alongside a friend

Remember: Miscommunication goes both ways

• Communication breakdowns can occur for multiple reasons

  • Can arise from misunderstandings from both or either communication partner 

  • Neurotypical communication partners may struggle to understand neurodiverse communication styles.

  • If a breakdown occurs, we must look at both sides of communication and what is happening. 

  • Acknowledge when you are wrong or do not understand 

  • Learning about autistic communication and social differences can help. 

Promoting Social Interaction

• Connect - make connections between individuals with similar interests or experiences. 

• Understand appropriateness -  how is the child interacting? What function do certain behaviors play? How can we shape into more “appropriate” interactions? 

• Focus on quality-  Finding one or two supportive friendships can be most meaningful. 

Promoting social interactions (set expectations)

• Set expectations - teach children strategies to help when situation are challenging. Set clear rules for social interactions. 

• Teach initiation- practice skills in multiple settings 

• Reinforce - what goes well socially, if appropriate reflect on what didn’t go well. 

• Focus on functional 

Functional Social Skills

• Functional social skills are those skills that students need to participate in everyday life. 

• We can support functional skills by looking at the contexts and situations the child is exposed to throughout the day and what they need. 

• May vary from context to context. 

• We can use other support such as visuals, Social Stories, etc. 

• Give the student social knowledge to interact with a range of people in a range of situations. 

• Focus on self awareness and self reflection.

Functional social skills examples by age

• What social skills would an Autistic preschooler need? 

  • Initiation, play skills, requesting, denying, communicating body needs/emotions, 

• What social skills would an Autistic school aged student need? 

  • Transitions, cafeteria, team work, knowing when to talk, joint attention, sharing/game play, 

• What social skills would an Autistic teen need? 

  • Following directions, read sarcasm, knowing how to switch tones, sensory regulation, navigating peer drama, dating, turning in assignments on time, oral presentations, extracurricular activities, navigating digital spaces, puberty, advocacy  

• What social skills would an Autistic adult need? 

  • Jobs, interviews, calling to make appointments, understanding responsibilities, cooking/cleaning, relationships, talking to professionals (healthcare), problem solving