Chapter 10: Attraction & Intimacy (liking and loving others)

What 3 factors influence our choice of close friends and partners?

1. Proximity

2. Physical attractiveness

3. Perceived similarity

Proximity effect

Proximity = the physical distance between 2 persons

Proximity effect → the closer someone is = the more likely we are to start a relationship with them

Functional distance

The closeness between places in terms of interaction opportunities

Friendship formation in apartments experiment

65% said = closest friend was in the building

41 % said = closest friend lived next door

22% said = closest friend lived 2 doors down

What causes the proximity effect?

Proximity effect → the closer someone is = the more likely we are to start a relationship with them

1. We have a higher probability of meeting and interacting with people who are closer in distance

2. Anticipating interacting with someone boosts liking for them → motivated reasoning effect

3. Familiarity → we tend to like familiar things

4. Mere-exposure effect

T or F: Majority’s of people’s favourite letters are ones that are used in their name

TRUE → familiarity creates liking

Mere-exposure effect

Tendency for new stimuli to be liked more & rated more positively after being repeatedly exposed to a person

Ex. you prefer letters than are included in your name

Physically attractive people are more likely to . . .

Marry (or re-marry)

Achieve good grades

Attain prestigious occupations

Get lighter crime sentences

Halo effect

The belief that physically attractive people have a wide range of positive characteristics

'“What is beautiful is good”

AKA → physical-attractiveness stereotype

Ex. people seen as more kind sensitive, warm, responsive, and likeable after plastic surgery

Is the halo effect actually true?

No → they are not any more intelligent, dominant, happy, or mentally healthy

But also yes → they are more comfortable and component in social settings (more socially skilled)

What influences attractiveness?

1. Facial symmetry → the degree to which 1 side of the face is similar to the other

2. Facial averageness

Matching hypothesis

The tendency to choose partners who we believe are a “good match” in attractiveness and other traits

What factor determines what kinds of relationships we have?

Attachement style

What are some formative studies on attachment style?

1. Harlow → attachment in monkeys (nurturing cloth mother)

2. Bowlby → our 1st important relationship = mom/primary caregiver

3. Ainsworth → strange situation determines attachment style (4 different type)

What are the different types of attachment styles as describe in the strange situation paradigm?

1. *Secure attachment = reliable caregiver → good, dependable bond

2. Avoidant attachment = unavailable caregivers → baby is independent and apathetic

3. Anxious/ambivalent attachment = unpredictable and undependable caregiver

What are the 2 dimensions to measure attachment on?

1. Anxiety → the extent to which a person worries about being abandoned or rejected by others

2. Avoidance → the extent to which a person feeling discomfort with closeness and emotional intimacy in relationships

Secure attachement

*Central to human life!

Optimistic beliefs about relationships

Trusting others

Feeling that they can handle threats

Doesn’t fret about getting too dependent or being abandoned

Finds it easy to get close to others

Relationship tends to be satisfying and enduring

Anxious attachment

INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE

Overdependence on parter for comfort and support

High anxiety individuals may bring about the rejection they fear

Less trusting (compared to secure)

Possessive and jealous

May break up repeatedly with same person

Emotional and angry during conflicts

Avoidant attachment

INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE

Striving to maintenance distance, control, and self-reliance in relationships

Avoiding negative emotional stares

Low intimacy in relationships

Tends to be less invested and more likely to leave relationships

More likely to engage in 1 night stands

What 2 factors determine whether people stay together or break up?

1. Social exchange theory

2. The investment model

Social exchange theory

People make decisions about their relationships by weight pros and cons

Staying together depends on:

1. Satisfaction → how happy are you in the relationship?

2. Presence of attractive alternatives → can you do better?

These 2 factors can be crossed so that relationships fit into 1 of 4 quadrants

Investment model

*Based on social exchange theory

Satisfaction is determined by:

1. Rewards

2. Costs

Commitment is determined by:

1. Satisfaction

2. Alternatives

3. Investments

Secure attachment style

LOW avoidance & LOW anxiety

Optimistic beliefs about relationships

Finds it easy to get close with others

Does not Frey about getting too dependent or being abandoned

Relationships are satisfying and enduring

Feels that they can handle threats

Attachment styles with high anxiety

Overdependence on partner for comfort and support

Less trusting

Possessive and jealous

May break up repeatedly with the same person

Emotion and angry when discussing conflicts

Attachment styles with high avoidance

Striving to maintain distance, control, and self-reliance in relationships

Avoiding negative emotional states

Low intimacy in relationships

Tends to be less invested → more likely to leave

More likely to engage in one-night stands

What is the best predictor of whether any 2 people are friends?

Proximity to one another

Causes repeated exposure & interactions → allows us to discover similarities and to feel each other’s liking

Reward theory of attraction

We like people whose behaviour we find rewarding OR whom we have associated with rewards events

We like those we associated with good feelings

Love

Intimacy → liking

Passion → infatuation

Commitment → empty love

Two-factor theory of emotion

Arousal from any source (even painful experiences) can intensify passionate feelings

Arousal x its label = emotion

Companionate love

The affection we feel for those whom are lives are deeply intertwined

Initial romance high moves into a more steady, affectionate relationship

When is companionate love most likely to occur?

When both partners feel the partnership is equitable

They both precieve themselves as receiving from the relationship

What is a reward of companionate love?

Opportunities for intimate self-disclosure

Disclosure reciprocity → being open with one another

What are factors that predict relationship separation?

Age

Education

Values

Similarity

(Individualistic cultures) valuing feelings > commitment

Need to belong

Motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide positive, ongoing interactions

Complementarity

In a relationship between 2 people = each completes what is missing in the other

Ingratiation

The use of strategies (ex. flattery) to try and gain favours from others

If ulterior motive is present = praise/compliment loses appeal

Passionate love

A state of intense longing for a relationship with another

Passionate lovers = absorbed in one another

Partners feel ecstatic at attaining the other’s love → they don’t want to loose it

Equity

When the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it

NOTE= Equitable does not always mean equal

T or F: perceived inequity can cause marital distress

TRUE

Self-disclosure

Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others

Disclosure reciprocity

We reveal more to those who have been open with us

You reveal → I reveal

What are some factors that predict people staying married?

Married after 20

Both grew up in stable, two-parent homes

Dated for a long while before marriage

Are well and similarly educated

Enjoy a stable income from a good job

Live in a small town or on a farm

Did not cohabit or conceive a pregnancy before marriage

Are religiously committed

Are of similar age, faith, and education

What are some destructive responses to relationship distress

1. Neglect → ignoring partner

2. Exit → ending the relationship

What are some constructive responses to relationship distress

1. Loyalty → awaiting improvement

2. Voice → seeking to improve relationship