psyc 304: chapter 11: interpersonal attraction

why do we have a need to belong?

• we are obsessed wth relationships (social media, tv - the bachelor)

• the need to belong refers to our motivation to develop and cultivate relationship with others

• factors that affect our need to belong

  • level of stress, fear, or pain

  • introversion/extroversion

loneliness

refers to a negative emotional state resulting from the perceived inadequacy of one’s social network

• the young and the old are more susceptible to depression

• is it the quality or the quantity of relationships that matter most?

ostracism

occurs when an individual or group is ignored or excluded by another invidual group

two responses to ostracism

reflexive (anxiety) and responsive (coping strategy)

five coping strategies of ostracism

fight, flight (leave), tend (attempt to repair existing relationship), befriend (establish new relationships in replacement), and freeze (shut down/isolate)

why do i like this person, but not that person?

proximity, mere exposure, reciprocity, similarity (two stage model of attraction; matching hypothesis), and physical attractiveness (facial symmetry, the golden ratio (.70), and the V - broad shoulders)

evolutionary perspective on attraction

• eggs are expensive and sperm are cheap

• humans prefer mate selection strategies that increase the odds of successfully producing and raising healthy offspring

• women prefer older and high status mates

• men prefer younger and more attractive mates

mate poaching

refers to the pursuit of a person who is already in a romantic relationship

• myth of monogamy

• initial studies that investigated whether men or women were more likely to engage in mate poaching produced mixed results

• Parker & Burkley (2009) found single women were more prone to engage in mate poaching than were men

intimate relationships often involve three basic components:

• feelings of attachment, affection, and love

• fulfillment of psychological needs

• interdependence between partners, each of whom has a meaningful influence on the other

how do first encounters evolve into intimate relationships

by stages or by leaps or bounds? probs both

how do intimate relationships change?

most researchers reject idea that intimate relationships progress through a fixed sequence of stages

• for reward theories of love, quantity counts

• there are qualitative differences between liking and loving, as well as different forms of love

the intimate marketplace: social exchange theory

• people are motivated to maximize benefits and minimize costs in their relationships with others

• relationships that provide more rewards and fewer costs will be more satisfying and endure longer

• the development of an intimate relationship is associated with the overall level of rewards

relationship expectations

comparison level (C): average expected outcome in relationships

comparison level for alternatives (CLalt): expectations of what would receive in an alternative situation

• investments in relationship increase commitment

relational building blocks: what leads to satisfaction?

rewards - costs - comparison level (CL)

relational building blocks: what leads to commitment?

satisfaction - CLalt + investments

the intimate marketplace: equity theory

most content with a relationship when the ratio between the benefits and contributions is similar for both partners

• your benefits / your contributions = partner’s benefits / partner’s contributions

• balance is what counts

exchange relationships:

participants expect and desire strict reciprocity in their interactions

communal relationships:

participants expect and desire mutual responsiveness to each other’s needs

sternberg’s triangular theory of love

intimacy (liking) > companionate love (intimacy + commitment) > fatuous love (passion + commitment) > passion (infatuation) > romantic love (intimacy + passion) = consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment)

rubin (1973)

• liking: the type of feeling one has for a platonic friend

• loving: the kind of feeling one has for a romantic partner

hatfield et al. (1988)

passionate love: romantic love characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection

companionate love: a secure, trusting, stable partnership

passionate love requires:

• heightened state of physiological arousal and

• the belief that this arousal was triggered by the beloved person

excitation transfer:

people sometimes misattribute physiological arousal to passionate love

companionate love: the self-disclosure in it

• form of affection found between close friends as well as lovers

• less intense than passionate love

  • some respects it is deeper and more enduring

• characterized by high levels of self-disclosure

• the more emotionally involved, the more self-disclosure

theory of social penetration

the development of a relationship happens in levels: superficial level (beginning), intimate (developing), and very intimate level (close)