COMM 1500: Interpersonal Communication Unit 3 (Huggins)

Knapp’s Stages of Romantic Relational Development

Coming Together

1. Initiating

2. Experimenting

3. Intensifying

4. Integrating

5. Bonding

Coming Apart

1. Differentiating

2. Circumscribing

3. Stagnating

4. Avoiding

5. Terminating

Initiating

(Coming Together)

Stage where people meet and interact for the first time

• Am I attracted to this person?

• Should I initiate conversation?

• Uncomfortable/problems lead to exit

Experimenting

(Coming Together)

The stage of relationship development when individuals have conversations to learn more about each other.

• Search for commonality

• Question asking stage

• Small talk

• VERY judgmental

• Do I want to continue?

Intensifying

(Coming Together)

The stage of relationship development when individuals move from being acquaintances to being friends.

• Increase in self-disclosure 

• Use of “we” begins (unit)

• Verbal Shortcuts (pet names, nicknames, inside jokes, personal idioms)

• Direct Expressions of Commitment (“you’re really important to me”)

Integrating

(Coming Together-Relational Maintenance)

The stage of relationship development when a deep commitment has formed, and there is a strong sense that the relationship has its own identity.

• Identify as a pair 

• Adopt each other’s mannerisms and speech patterns 

• May exchange symbols of relationship

  • Difficulty managing dialectical tensions of connectedness vs. autonomy

Bonding

(Coming Together-Relational Maintenance)

The stage of relationship development when people publicly announce their commitment to each other.

• Public Commitment 

  • Ritual (Marriage)

  • Institutionalized (joint credit card, changing last name)

Differentiating

(Coming Apart-Relational Maintenance)

The stage of relationship dissolution when partners begin to see their differences as undesirable or annoying.

• Highlight Differences

• Seek Individual Identity

• Conflict & Argument Development

• Bond-Differentiate-Recommit 

Circumscribing

(Relational Maintenance-Coming Apart)

The stage of relationship dissolution characterized by decreased quality and quantity of communication between partners.

• Conversation focuses on safe topics 

• Appears “normal” to outsiders 

• Limitation is Key 

  • Quantity

  • Quality

Stagnating

(Coming Apart)

The stage of relationship dissolution when the relationship stops growing and the partners are barely communicating with each other.

• Individuals appear to be strangers 

• Limit interaction to “need-to-know” basis 

• No need to talk - partners know what the other will say

  • Mentally rehearse negative interactions with partner

Avoiding

(Coming Apart)

The stage of relationship dissolution when partners create physical and emotional distance between each other.

• Individuals avoid face-to-face interaction

• Create physical and emotional distance 

• May be direct or indirect 

Terminating

(Coming Apart)

The stage of relationship dissolution when the relationship is deemed to be officially over.

• Formal ending of the relationship 

• Sever all ties 

• Negotiation of the new terms of the relationship

Lenses for Defining Family

1. Biogenetic Lens

2. Sociological Lens

3. Role Lens

Biogenetic Lens

• Genetic ties 

• Share a genetic/reproductive link 

Sociological Lens

• Legal Obligations 

• Recognized by laws and regulations 

• Step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents

Role Lens

• Emotional attachments

• Relationships can be either voluntary or involuntary

  • Parent’s friend as “uncle”/”aunt”

Family

Network of people who share their lives over longer periods of time and bound by marriage, blood, or commitment; who consider themselves as family, and who share significant history and anticipated future functioning in a family relationship

Types of Family

• Origin

• Procreation

Family of Origin

Family one grows up in

• Typically parents and/or stepparents, siblings

Family of Procreation

Family one starts as an adult

• Typically consists of spouse and children

Forms of Families

• Nuclear 

• Blended

• Single-parent 

• Extended

Attachment Theory

Our interpersonal relationships and their dependability are created through our relationship with our caregivers as children

Attachment Anxiety

Degree of fear of rejection 

• High vs Low 

Attachment Avoidance

Degree of desire for close interpersonal ties 

• High vs Low

Secure Attachment

Low Anxiety and Low Avoidance 

• Not worried about rejection, let people get close to you 

Secure Attachment Relationship Outcomes

• Warm, Supportive 

• High Self-Esteem

• Confident Communicator 

• Conflict

  • Work toward resolution of difficulties 

  • Talk about it

Preoccupied Attachment

High Anxiety, Low Avoidance 

Preoccupied Attachment Relationship Outcomes

• Constant Worry 

• Demand Attention/Reassurance

• Difficult for partners over long-term

• Conflict:

  • Extreme Responses

Dismissive Attachment

Low Anxiety and High Avoidance 

Dismissive Attachment Relationship Outcomes

• Self-reliant 

• Relationships as unimportant 

• Casual rather than serious 

• Conflict:

  • Exit

Fearful Attachment

High Anxiety and High Avoidance

Fearful Attachment Relationship Outcomes

• Stay Away from relationships 

• Chronic distrust

• Prefer dependent partners 

• Conflict

  • Exit 

Friendship

• Plays a central role in our lives

• Influences emotional security and self-esteem

• Friendship is a voluntary interpersonal relationship characterized by intimacy and liking 

Characteristics of Friendships

• Permeated with ambiguities 

• Voluntary

• Platonic 

• Peers

  • Shared Interests 

• Governed by rules 

• Differ by sex 

• Have a lifespan 

• Volatile

6 Stages of Friendship

1. Role-limited interaction 

2. Friendly Relations 

3. Moves toward friendship (could we hang out… socially??)

4. Nascent Friendship 

5. Stabilized Friendship

6. Waning Friendship

Functions of Friendship

• Companionship

• Achievement of practical goals

Communal Friendship

Companionship, spending time together, having fun, let’s hang out, time revolves around leisure, emotional support, BOTH have to fulfill expectations 

Agentic Friendship

Goal is to help others succeed in professional/practical way, can enjoy presence, no emotional dependence 

Friendship Rules

• Show support

• Defend your friends

• Offer Resources 

  • (time, energy)

• Be enjoyable 

• Provide help without being asked 

• Share interests and viewpoints 

• Be the friend that you would like to have

Challenges of Friendship

• Betrayal 

• Geographic Separation 

• Attraction 

  • Romance 

  • FWB Relationships

Importance of Relationships

Social relationships are essential to our sense of belonging

• Essential for well-being

• Most Disclosive/Highly Communicative

• Require Maintenance

• Max of SEVEN

Social bonds need to be:

• Interactive

• Emotionally close

Nature of Personal Relationships

• Commitment

• Interdependence

• Investment

• Dialectical Tensions

3 Dialectical Tensions

• Autonomy vs Connection

• Openness vs Closedness

• Predictability vs Novelty

Components of Liking

• Affection

• Respect

Components of Loving

• Intimacy

• Caring

  • Attachment

Theories for Forming and Maintaining Social Relationships

• Attraction Theory

• Uncertainty Reduction Theory

• Social Exchange Theory

• Relational Maintenance Theory

Attraction Theory Components

• Proximity

• Appearance

• Similarity

• Reciprocal Liking

• Complementarity

Proximity

How closely together people live/work ang how often they interact

• More likely to form relationships with people we see often

• Mere Exposure Effect

Appearance

• Is someone attractive?

• What-is-beautiful-is-good effect

• Matching

Similarity

When we find people with similar interests, beliefs, backgrounds, etc. we find them more comfortable and familiar

Birds-of-a-feather effect

Reciprocal Liking

Tendency of people to like others who have expressed liking for them

Complementarity

Someone is attractive (platonically, romantically, whatever) because they provide a quality we lack

• Attracted to people because the differences between them and us is complementary, positive

Uncertainty Reduction Theory

We feel uncertain when we don’t know people well

• Theory that we want to form relations to reduce that uncertainty by using communication behaviors

• The more certain you are about someone, the more you like them

• We don’t like uncertainty.

• More we know, the better.

Social Exchange Theory (SET)

We seek relationships where the benefits outweigh the costs.

Social Exchange Theory Components (SET)

1. Rewards

2. Costs

3. Outcome (O)

4. Comparison Level (CL)

5. Comparison Level of Alternatives (CLALT)

6. Satisfaction

7. Stability

Rewards (SET)

Positives derived from relationship

Costs (SET)

• Loss of privacy

• Time, resources, energy

Outcome (O) (SET)

Rewards minus Costs

Comparison Level (CL) (SET)

A person’s realistic expectation of what the person wants and thinks they deserve from a relationship.

• Based on past experiences and cultural norms for that relationship

• Will affect how satisfied people are in a relationship

Comparison Level of Alternatives (CLALT) (SET)

A person’s assessment of how good or bad their current relationship is, compared with other options.

• Do you think you’d be better off with new friends, neighbors, partners

• Influences how long a relationship will last

Satisfaction (SET)

Outcome greater than Comparison Level

Stability (SET)

Outcome greater than Comparison Level of ALT

4 Types of Relationships Under Social Exchange Theory

• Positive

• Dependent

• Terminating

• Uncertain

Positive Relationship (SET)

• O greater than CL and CLALT

• O > CL

• O > CLALT

• Happy, Stable

Dependent Relationship (SET)

• CL greater than O greater than CLALT

• CL > O > CLALT

• Unhappy, Stable

Terminating Relationship (SET)

• CLALT greater than CL greater than O

• CLALT > CL > O

• Unhappy, Unstable

Uncertain Relationship (SET)

• CLALT greater than O greater than CL

• CLALT > O > CL

• Happy, Unstable

Relational Maintenance Behaviors (SOAPS)

• Social Networks

• Openness

• Assurances

• Positivity

• Sharing Tasks

Social Networks

All the relationships one has

• Typical to share social networks with closed ones

  • People in close relationships know the others’ families, friends, etc.

Openness

A person’s willingness to talk about their relationship with a friend/relational partner about their relationship

• Disclose thoughts and feelings

• Confide

Assurances

Verbal and nonverbal behaviors that people use to illustrate faithfulness and commitment to others

• “Of course I’ll help you, you’re my best friend”

Positivity

Acting friendly and cheerful, being courteous, and refraining from criticizing others

• Smile frequently, don’t complain, express affection and appreciation for others

• Make others comfortable around us, pleasant and fun to be around

Sharing Tasks

Performing one’s fair share of the work in a relationship

Family Communications Patterns Theory- Dimensions

• Conversation

• Conformity

Conversation

• How often families talk to each other

• Openness of conversation

Conformity

How much a child is expected to conform with parent’s values, beliefs, attitudes

4 Types of Family Communication Patterns

• Protective

• Consensual

• Laissez-Faire

• Pluralistic

Consensual Families

HIGH Conversation

HIGH Conformity

• High levels of disclosure

• Express caring and concern

• Common viewpoints

• Parents are authority figures

Consensual Family Conflict Patterns

• Threatened by conflict

• Threatened by unresolved conflict

• Engage

• Constructive Approach

Pluralistic Families

HIGH Conversation

LOW Conformity

• Open, unconstrained communication

• Enjoy debate

• Lack control over viewpoints

• Children contribute

Pluralistic Family Conflict Patterns

• Not threatened

• Low avoidance

• Engage

• Collaborate

• Highest rates of resolution

Protective Families

LOW Conversation

HIGH Conformity

• Communication enforces obedience

• Low disclosure

• Power differential

• Lack communication skills

Protective Family Conflict Patterns

• Unlikely to have open disagreements

• Threatens conformity

• Avoid

• Lack skills for productive management

Laissez-Faire Families

LOW Conversation

LOW Conformity

• Infrequent interaction

• Uninvolving communication

• Few emotional bonds

• Children independent thinkers

Laissez-Faire Family Conflict Patterns

• Rare occurrence

• Avoid

• Compete

How to Maintain Balance in Relationships (SOAPS)

• Social Networks

• Openness

• Assurances

• Positivity

• Sharing tasks

Conflict

The process that occurs when people perceive that they have incompatible goals or that someone is interfering in their ability to achieve their objectives

Components of Conflict

• Perception

• Process

• Dynamic

4 “I”s of Conflict

1. Interdependence

2. Incompatible Goals

3. Insufficient Resources

4. Interference

2 Fundamental Orientations to Conflict

1. Engage

2. Avoid

Nature of Conflict Styles

• Patterned responses or clusters if behavior

• General response

• Determined according to two dimensions

5 Conflict Styles

1. Competition

2. Compromise

3. Collaboration

4. Avoidance

5. Accommodation

Conflict Tactics

• Individual behaviors to carry out a general approach

• Specific pieces of communication

• Can be conscious or unconscious

Competition

Aggressive and uncooperative behavior, engage others

• High concern for self and low concern for other party

• Goal is to win

Competitive Tactics

• Personal Criticism

• Rejection

• Hostile Communication

  • Hostile imperatives

  • Hostile jokes

  • Hostile questions

• Presumptive Remarks

• Denial of Responsibility

• Contempt/Disgust

Advantages of Competition

• Emergency

• External Goal more important than the individual

• Shows commitment

Disadvantages of Competition

• Can be harmful to relationships

• Creates a win/lose mentality

• Can be “self-encapsulating”

Compromise

Both parties give up something to gain something

• Moderate concern for self and others

• Intermediate Style

• Dependent on shared power

• Can be interpreted in different ways

Compromising Tactics

• Analytic Remarks

• Negotiating Remarks

Interdependence

A state in which each person’s behaviors affect everyone else in the relationship

• Example: When one partner in a romantic relationship gets a job offer requiring them to relocate, that affects the other partner as well

Incompatible Goals

Goals are incompatible when it’s impossible to satisfy them both

• Parties in a conflict perceive their goals to be incompatible