Module 9 Flashcards

Belief

A person’s idea or theory about what the world is actually like.

Belief about romantic love: there’s only one true love out there for you – a soulmate.

Value

A person’s opinion or attitude about what’s important and how they want things to be.

People might want a partner who expresses affection publicly, or might not want one who does (PDA).

Ideal Standards Model (Fletcher and Simpson) – Relationship Ideals

Relationship satisfaction is determined by the discrepancy between ideals (values) for partner/relationship and perceptions of current partner/relationship.

Higher Discrepancy

To what extent are you able to have intellectual conversations with your current partner?

To what extent do you have similar hobbies?

If you rate your partner relatively low on intellectual conversation and having similar hobbies = a greater discrepancy between your ideal and your perceptions.

Therefore, this lowers the evaluation of your relationship.

Lower/Decrease Discrepancy

Fall in love with someone who doesn’t like to play volleyball and go running like you do.

Six months later, you’re asked to describe your ideal relationship, and shared activities now feature much lower on the importance scale.

Sometimes, people adjust their ideals based on the reality of their current partner.

Less evidence that people adjust their perceptions of their current partner based on their ideals.

Because our perceptions are more firmly rooted in reality than our ideals.

Ideal-Perception Comparisons – Frequency and Importance

As relationships become more stable, the frequency and importance of ideal-perception comparisons decline.

When conflicts erupt and relationships get a little rockier, these ideal-perception comparisons become more accessible again.

During periods of uncertainty or difficulty, partners take on a more evaluative stance and think about how their relationship measures up to their ideals.

When do we adjust ideals and when do we end a relationship because we refuse to compromise on our ideals?

It’s not entirely clear, as it’s a complex issue.

You’d be influenced by things like what the rest of your relationship is like, how invested you are in the relationship, and how you develop those ideals in the first place, etc.

Perceptual Confirmation – How do positive expectations benefit relationships?

The tendency to interpret ambiguous information and experiences consistent with existing beliefs and expectations.

Our expectations colour our interpretation of the world around us.

Couples who have higher relationship expectations report having higher quality relationships.

Positive expectations that your partner is warm and nurturing: They’re giving you some time and space to relax.

Lower expectations of your partner’s ability to be supportive: You interpret their silence as “why can’t he see that I’m stressed?” or “he’s trying to avoid talking to me; he can’t handle my emotions.”

Rejection Sensitivity

To anxiously expect, readily perceive, and overreact to rejection.

People tend to worry a lot about being rejected, and they expect to be in a variety of scenarios.

High in rejection sensitivity: Go through the process of perceptual confirmation, similar to those with low self-esteem. You back off and think they’re not interested in you. “That was so embarrassing, I can’t believe I even asked; I’m never doing that again.”

You perceive this ambiguous response in line with your expectations, which confirms them. If you give up on initiating, you’ll never get a chance to disconfirm your expectation and won’t get a chance to have your offer accepted.

Low in rejection sensitivity: Don’t take the reason your friend can’t hang out personally. A no to your offer wouldn’t discourage you from approaching them again in the future.

Couples’ Behaviour During and After Conflicts – Rejection Sensitivity

When established couples reported a conflict, the next day, the partners of rejection-sensitive women reported greater dissatisfaction in the relationship.

More likely to think about ending the relationship.

A year later, the relationships of highly rejection-sensitive women were likely to be over/broken up.

Low rejection-sensitive women: they felt a bit better about their relationships after the conflict.

Behavioural Confirmation (Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)

The process where our beliefs and expectations lead us to behave in ways that elicit responses from others that confirm those beliefs and expectations.

Negative Expectations = Negative Behaviour & Outcomes – Behavioural Confirmation

Process: Expect rejection, behave badly, partner gets angry and withdraws.

Diary format asking couples whether they had a fight and how they were feeling about their relationship that day.

The highly rejection-sensitive women were right that they were more likely to be rejected.

When couples’ conflicts were videotaped, they got mad and behaved in hostile, aggressive, and defensive ways.

Deny responsibility, put down their partner, and communicated disgust or disapproval in their non-verbal behaviour. Their partners reacted with more anger as well.

Positive Expectations = Positive Behaviour & Outcomes – Behavioural Confirmation

Process: Expect warmth and friendliness, behave positively, partner acts warm and friendly.

If you expect and hope for a passionate relationship, you’ll be likely to sneak away from work for a lunch date in the park.

When people expect the best from their relationship, they’re more motivated to preserve it.

They’re more willing to work at the relationship during difficult times, as they see it as inevitable and as a product of circumstance. Not an indication that something is fundamentally wrong with their relationship.

They’ll work constructively through conflicts or make sacrifices to find a compromise with their partner.