Communication in Relationships

Social Psychology

What is communication?

It can be define as the process of exchanging information and feelings between two people

Who tends to mirror each other’s communication?

Spouses. When one shouts, swears, or insults, the other tends to do the same

Although most communication is focused on verbal contact (as high as 80%), what is interpersonal communication?

Nonverbal

What is nonverbal communication?

Gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone, volume, and rapidity of speech

What is conflict?

It is the interaction that results when the behavior of one person interferes with the behavior of another

Can you avoid conflict in intimate relationships?

No, the more time you spend together, the greater the likelihood of conflict

True or False: Conflict can be healthy and productive for a couple’s relationship

True

Is conflict better than not having conflict? Why?

Yes, because ignoring an issue may result in the partners becoming resentful and dissatisfied

Should you discuss your disagreements with your partner?

Yes, because discussing an issue brings closure. Partners who don’t discuss their troubles are in danger, and if they engage in conflict resolution

Why might conflict happen?

Behavior, value differences, leadership ambiguity, and dangerous attributions

Why might value differences result in conflict?

It is most affected not by the amount of value differences but the degree of differences within each value

How can leadership ambiguity result in conflict?

Determining who is the leader in decision making can be a reason why it might result in conflict. 

Name the first principle and techniques in a relationship

Make communication a priority

How can we make communication a priority?

Make it an absolute principle to talk about your differences. Make time to interact with one another. 

What type of communication can predict to negative consequences?

Excessive internet/virtual communication, especially when there is little time for interaction

What is the second priciple?

Avoid negative/ harmful statements to your partner

When one person makes a mistake, what should the other partner do?

They should bite their tongue. This has positive outcomes

What is an example of how negative/harmful statements have resulted in negative outcomes?

Couples in marriage counseling often report “it was a bad week” based on one negative comment made by a partner

What is the third principle?

Say positive things about your partners. Ranging from compliments to expressions of gratitude/appreciation

What is the fourth principle?

Establish and maintain eye contact.

Why is maintaining and establishing eye contact important?

It indicates interest in what you are saying

What is the fifth principle?

Ask open-ended questions

Why is asking open-ended questions important?

Yes/no questions does not allow a partner to express a wide range of thoughts. It my cause stone walling because people might not be able to explain themselves

What is the 6th principle?

Use reflective listening

How should we use reflective listening?

You must paraphrase/restate what was said while being sensitive to the partner (non-judgemental). It increases the speaker’s confidence that he/she is being understood, and it increases accuracy for the speaker’s position in the listener’s mind 

What is the 7th principle?

Use “I” statements

How do we use “I” statements?

Statements with a focus on the communicator’s feelings, as opposed to a focus on blaming the other. Don’t blame the other when it was your feelings. 

What is the 8th principle?

Use “soft” emotions. Anger/outrage are hard emotions. Sadness or hurt are soft emotions

Why should we use soft emotions?

We are more open to communicating with soft emotions rather than hard emotions

What is the 9th principle?

Tell your partner what you want. (Not what you don’t want)

What is the 10th principle?

Stay focused on the issue. Do not branch.

What is branching?

Drawing connections between the issue at hand and other events. (basically keeping lists)

What it the 11th principle?

Make specific resolutions to disagreements. Every argument has a solution. Focus on how to solve each one individually.

What are the 3 conflict resolution strategies?

Confrontational style, nonconfrontational style, and solution-oriented style

Define the 3 conflict resolution strategies

Confrontational style: Attack, Non-confrontational style: Ignore, Solution Oriented Style: Find a solution 

Couples with what style report the highest level of marital satisfaction?

Solution oriented style

True or False: We should avoid the conflict conversation, hoping it will all go away

False. Do not avoid it

What should you not bring up in a relationship?

Past hurts or misdeeds

True or False: You should not minimize someone’s feelings, belittling their opinions

True

Should you leave the scene of the argument?

No. This type of behavior is one of the strongest predictors of divorce

Should you argue before bed?

No, it is best to discuss it in the morning. You have ego depletion at night, you are tired. 

True or False: You should make accusations based on your own interpretation of the person’s behavior

False, never make accusations based on your own interpretation

What did Marano find on successful marriage?

The best predictor is that both partners have the ability to engage in constructive arguing during times of conflict

What are the 5 steps to conflict resolution?

1. Address recurring issues 2. identify new desired behaviors 3. identify perceptions to change 4. summarize your partner’s perspective 5. Generate alternative win-win solutions

Explain how to address disturbing issues

Do not tell your partner you “do not want to fight” as an excuse to discuss what is bothering you

How should we identify new desired behaviors

Discuss what you want not what you don’t want

How can you identify perceptions to change?

Sometimes the behavior is not the problem at all; it is how someone perceives the behavior. Think if anyone else would be upset over it, and if not, then it’s a you problem

How should you summarize your partner’s perspective?

You should ask for your partners perspective and then summarize it to make sure you fully understand it. Some people don’t even ask and just assume they know

How should we generate alternative win-win solutions?

Both partners should benefit from a solution

What are some question to ask when evaluating a resolution?

Are both partners satisfied? Is the solution realistic? Is it specific? Does the solution prevent the problem from recurring?