close rel wk 4-7 class

what is cognitive psychology

perception, judgment, attention, memory, learning, & problem solving

social psychology

the self, the situation, & the social environment

bottom up processing

perceptions guided by stimuli, input comes from outside, you think whats happening is that your perceptions are guided by observations - objective info is helping you from decisions to understand the environment based on sensory information rather than prior knowledge or expectations.

top down processing

perceptions guided by perceiver, input comes from inside the perceiver, existing mental representations shape how we view the world, interferes with bottom-up processing, percptions are affected by things that are already inside of us (beliefs, programs)

subjective construal

the interpretation of experiences shaped by personal beliefs and context.

• Whats in the world (stimuli)

• Whats in our mind (construal)

study: gave people a script of a first dtae, half were asked to point out flirting and other half point out deception. they were then given a photo and those who were aked to look for flirting saw a face, those who looked for deception saw the world “liar”

overattribution of responsibility

your own contributions are more “available” to memory.

differential retrieval: how much did i contribute

informational disparities: not there/cant remember

Naïve realism

the belief that we see the world objectively (not influenced by personal feelings) and that others who disagree are uninformed or irrational.

overconfidence (study)

couples were only about 40% accurate in knowing their partner’s sexual history, even though longer relationships increased confidence, not accuracy. Overconfidence matters because it leads to false assumptions and miscommunication.

Implicit theories

What do you believe

• People often have beliefs and theories about the way that the world "works"

• These theories are often implicit (exist subconscious)

  • They rarely discussed or examined, but strongly held

  • Sometimes below conscious awareness

Romanticism 

love finds a way, one and only, idealization, love at first sight 

romantic people have better relationships - report loving their partner more & more satisfied

idealization

a person may focus an overwhelming amount of trust and admiration on another person

rose-coloured glasses

romantic theorists - harmful

disagreements are destructive, mindreading: is essential, sex should be perfect every time, men & women are different 

associated with relationship dissatisfaction, less effective problem solving implicit theories of relationships

destiny/soul-mate theorists 

• Relationships are either meant to be or not

  • Belief in accuracy of ones impression of the "match" between partners - between themselves and others

  • Belief that one can forecast the future of a relationship

• "potential relationship partners are either compatible or not"

• "relationships that don’t start off well inevitably fail"

• "early troubles in a relationship signify a poor match between partners"

Growth/work-it-out theorists

• Relationships can be maintained, and problems can be overcome

  • Belief that problems and disagreements are unstable and can be managed

• "the ideal relationship develops gradually over time"

• "challenges and obstacles in a relationship can make love even stronger"

• "with enough effort, almost any relationship can work"

destiny vs growth theories

People with destiny (soulmate) beliefs were less satisfied when their partner didn’t match their ideal and ended relationships quickly when unhappy. Those with growth (work-it-out) beliefs stayed satisfied even with imperfect partners, seeing relationships as things to develop over time

coping with conflict

People with destiny beliefs tend to avoid or deny conflict, seeing it as a threat to the idea of a soulmate, while those with growth beliefs view conflict as a chance to improve the relationship and interpret problems more optimistically.

self-fulfilling prophecies

a prediction that causes itself to become true.

perceiver froms expectancy about he target → perceiver acts (subtly communicates expectancy) → target interprets perceivers behavior → target responds (usually in a reciprocal fashion) → perceiver interprets target behavior (overlooks their own role in producing it)

self-fulfilling prophecy study

when men believed female applicants were attracted to them, the women unknowingly behaved more flirtatiously during the interview.

Rejection sensitivity 

People high in rejection sensitivity respond aggressively to perceived rejection—insulting judges or sabotaging others—and may unintentionally provoke more rejection.

biased thinking in relationships

• People are motivated to see themselves, their partners, and their relationship in a positive light

• This leads us to

  • See our relationships as better than average

  • Maintain unrealistically optimistic predictions about our relationships

  • See our partners as ideal

  • Assume more similarity between self & partner than is warranted

  • Assume we have more control over our relationships than we really do

do illusions lead to happiness?

• Individuals who idealized their partner were happier now and one year later

• Partners who were idealized were happier now and one year later

• Positive illusions are beneficial

Social exchange theory

The theory that relationships are formed and maintained based on the exchange of rewards and costs suggests that individuals evaluate their relationships based on perceived benefits and drawbacks.Soc

Social exchange expectancies and comparison levels

• Satisfaction is determined by discrepancies

• "what do I have, compared to what I can get?"

social exhcnage theory - major propositions

• Partners keep track of costs and rewards, immediate and over time (may not be conscious)

• Attracted to partners who provide most rewards

• Norm of reciprocity = to receive we must also give

instrumental - type of cost & reward

•  (tangible or task-oriented)

  • Picking up from airport, financial assistance

Emotional - type of cost & reward

Feeling loved, knowing someone is there for you, hurt feelings, uncertainty

How do people evaluate outcomes in relationships?

Through accounting (tracking rewards vs. costs) and determining profit (comparing outcomes to expectations and alternatives).

What is “accounting” in relationship evaluation

Keeping track of rewards & costs, though its rarely done systematically; value is subjective

How does negative info affect relationship evaluation

bad is stronger than good; for every bad thing, 5 good things are needed to offset them (5:1 ratio)

What did the equity study with 118 couples find?

People who were equally benefitted felt good; underbenefitted people were unhappy; overbenefitted people were less happy than equally benefitted but happier than underbenefitted.

underbenefitted meaning

Your partner receives more rewards than you do.

What is “determining profit” in relationships?

Using interdependence theory, profit is measured not just in total rewards, but relative to expectations (CL) and alternatives (CLALT).

What is a Comparison Level (CL)?

The standard for what a person expects in a relationship based on past experiences.

What is a Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLALT)

Evaluating a relationship’s rewards relative to perceived alternatives outside the relationship.

• Dependence(commitment) = outcome (results-cost)-CLalt

• Includes other partners or being single

• Standard against which we decide to stay or leave

High comparison level

• Expect relationships to be rewarding

• Low rewards are unacceptable, disappointing

Low comparison level

• Expect relationships to be troublesome

• Low rewards are acceptable, tolerable

Relationship satsifaction formula

RS=outcome(sum of rewards-costs) - CL

dependence in CLalt

• determines whether were motivated to stay or leave

  • Low Clalt: more committed to current partner

  • High clalt: less committed to current partner

What determines CLalt

• Self views

  • Low self esteem: doubt that others will find them desirabl, lower CL.alt

    • They have srious doubts about own self worth which leads them to question if others would find them desirable

  • High self esteem, more confident in others views of them, higher CL.alt

    • More confident others will like them so they see more potential partners

How do Comparison Level (CL) and Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLALT) affect relationship happiness and stability?

Outcomes above both → happy & stable; below both → unhappy & unstable; above CL but below CLALT → happy but unstable; below CL but above CLALT → unhappy but stable.

commitment 

intenral pledge 

tendnecy to maintain a relationship and feel psychologically attached to it 

invest model of commitment

• Satisfaction: rewards, costs, CLs

• Alternatives: CL.alt's

• Investments: what you would lose if the relationship where to end

  • Could be financial, social, or material

What behaviors and beliefs are related to staying committed in a relationship?

Commitment is linked to derogation of alternatives, willingness to sacrifice, accommodative behavior, cognitive interdependence, positive illusions about the partner, and fidelity.

What is derogation of alternatives?

Highly committed people downplay the attractiveness of potential alternative partners, especially those who might threaten their current relationship.

Why do committed people derogate alternatives?

Due to high comparison levels, social norms, and cognitive dissonance; they protect their relationship by seeing threats as less attractive.

How was derogation of alternatives studied?

278 students rated their satisfaction and commitment, then saw an “early applicant” with varying attractiveness. Highly committed participants rated all alternatives as unattractive.

How does commitment relate to fidelity?

Higher commitment predicts less infidelity; studies show emotional and physical cheating are more common among less committed individuals.

What did the infidelity studies find?

Study 1: 72% reported emotional, 48% physical infidelity. Study 2 (spring break): 70% emotional, 41% physical infidelity.

Joanne endorses the statement, "I want to be completely
emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are
reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being
without close relationships but sometimes worry that others don't
value me as much as I value them." Which attachment style does
Joanne's self-description reflect?

Anxious

One important feature of Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid’s (1977) study
on self-fulfilling prophecies of physical attractiveness – sometimes
referred to colloquially as the “telephone study” - was that:

The male participants thought they knew what the female target looked like but could not see her during the conversation

What is love

Love is complex, hard to define, and a source of human preoccupation for thousands of years; it has been viewed historically as madness, a game, a noble quest, or even unnecessary for marriage.

How is love related to marriage in Western culture?

Most people in Western societies say they wouldn’t marry someone they weren’t in love with; love is culturally considered essential to marriage.Love is often viewed as a key component that legitimizes the union between partners and serves as the foundation for a successful marriage.

How do researchers study love?

Primarily through self-reported experiences of love, using scales and questionnaires to assess types and intensity.

What are the three components of Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love?

• Intimacy: emotional closeness, warmth, sharing

• Passion: sexual attraction, desire, arousal (unstable)

• Commitment: short- and long-term conscious decisions

What is consummate love?

Love with all three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment. Nonlove is the absence of all three.

What are the two main types of love identified by Berscheid & Hatfield?

• Romantic/passionate love: “Being in love,” intense, obsessive, sexual, fleeting

• Companionate love: “Loving,” slow onset, intimate, committed, enduring, friendship-based

Characteristics of romantic/passionate love?

Swift onset, short duration, idealization of partner, cognitive preoccupation, intense fluctuating emotions, sexual desire, cross-cultural universal.

How is romantic love measured?

Using the Passionate Love Scale, e.g., obsessive thoughts, yearning for affection, desire to share inner life, physical excitement.

How does sexual desire affect perceptions of romantic love?

People perceive couples with mutual sexual desire as more in love, regardless of actual sexual activity.

Characteristics of companionate love?

Slow onset, interdependence, intimacy, commitment, friendship-like, durable, high trust, calmness, contentment, positive mood.

How is companionate love measured?

Rubin’s Love Scale, e.g., confiding in partner, willingness to do anything for them.

How does love change over time?

Romantic love typically peaks early (18–30 months), then declines into companionate love, which grows and lasts long-term.

Can romantic love persist long-term?

Yes, some couples maintain high passion decades later; neural reward centers activate when viewing a partner, similar to early romantic love.

Why is romantic love considered a “natural addiction”?

It activates the brain’s reward system: craving, exhilaration, tolerance. Breakups cause withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, insomnia, appetite changes, obsession, risky behaviors).

Key takeaway about love and long-term relationships?

Passionate love fades for most, but companionate love—friendship, intimacy, and commitment—predicts long-term satisfaction and relationship stability.

What is attachment theory?

A theory explaining how early relationships (especially with caregivers) shape emotional bonds, behaviour, and attachment patterns throughout life 

Who developed attachment theory?

John Bowlby’s - considered the father of attachment theory

What was Bowlbys main focus?

Understanding how early attachment experiences affect later emotional development, relationships, and behavior

According to Bowlby, what is the purpose of attachment?

to ensure survival; infants seek proximity to caregivers for protection & comfort

what did bowlby believe about infant needs?

Infants are biologically programmed to seek attachment; its an evolutionary mechanism for safety & survival

what are bowlbys 4 phases of attachment development?

• Pre-attachment (0–6 weeks) — baby signals but no specific attachment.

• Attachment-in-the-making (6 weeks–6/8 months) — preference for familiar people.

• Clear-cut attachment (6/8 months–18 months) — separation anxiety emerges.

  • Formation of reciprocal relationships (18+ months) — understanding the caregiver’s goals and schedules.

What is the internal working model?

A mental representation of self & others formed through early attachment experiences, influences future relationships

What did Bowlby call the bond between infant & caregiver?

A “secure base” from which the child explores the world

what happens when attachment is disrupted?

Can lead to emotional & social difficulties 

what experiment did Harlow conduct

Monkey studies on attachment; using wire & cloth mothers

What did harlows monkey experiment show

Monkeys preferred the soft, comforting “mother” over the wire mother with food — comfort > food in forming attachment.

contact comfort

What did Harlow conclude about deprivation

Social isolation caused long-term emotional and behavioral issues.

Who created the “strange situation” experiment

Mary Ainsworth

what was ainsworth testing in the strange situation

infant attachment patterns & responses to caregiver separation & reunion

How many attaxhment styles did Ainsworth identify?

Three (later expanded to four):

1. Secure

2. Avoidant (Insecure-Avoidant)

3. Anxious (Insecure-Ambivalent)

   1. Disorganized (added later by Main & Solomon)

What defines secure attachment

child explores freely, shows distress when caregiver leaves, and is comforted upon return

What caregiver behavior leads to secure attachment

consistent, sensiitve, and responsive caregiving

What defines avoidant attachment 

child avoids caregiver, shows little distress when they leave, and avoids contact upon return

What caregover behavior leads to avoidant attachment

rejecting, unresponsive, or emotionally distant caregiving

what defines anxious attachment

child shows intense distress, resists comfort and is ambivalent when caregiver returns

what caregiver behavior leads to anxious attachment

Inconsistent caregiving - sometimes attentive, sometimes neglectful what

What defines disorganized attachment

Child shows contradictory or confused behavior, may freeze, hide, or approach and avoid the caregiver w

What causes disorganized attachment

Often linked to abuse, neglect, or fear of the caregiver W

What % of infants show secure attachment in Ainsworth study?

About 60% secure, 20% avoidant, 20% anxious

What did Hazan & Shavers study find?

Adult romantic love mirrors infant attachment - the same attachment styles appear in romantic relationships

What is “earned security”

Adults who had insecure attachments in childhood but formed secure relationships later in lifeW

What 2 dimensions are used to measure adult attachment

• Anxiety: the extent to which a person worries about being abandoned or rejected by others

• Avoidance: the extent to which a person feels comfortable with closeness & emotional intimacy in relationships

What is the secure base script?

The expectation that support will be available when needed — learned from secure caregiving.

What are Bowlbys 3 separation phases?

The three phases of separation outlined by Bowlby are protest, despair, and detachment. These phases describe the emotional responses of children when separated from their primary caregivers.

What is the “strange situation” set up

8 short episodes involving mother, child, and stranger — measures exploration, distress, and reunion behavior.

What biological system supports attachment

the oxytocin system - promotes bonding & trust

What is the caregiving hypothesis?

A caregiver’s own attachment style predicts how they parent — secure parents raise secure children.

What is the continuity hypothesis?

Early attachment patterns predict later relationship behaviors.

What is the safe haven function of attachment?

Turning to an attachment figure for comfort in times of distress.

What is the secure base function of attachment?

Feeling safe enough to explore the environment knowing support is available.