Attraction and close relationships

The Importance of Relationships

Relationships and Psychological Wellbeing • People are happier when with others, esp. if there is a close connection; on average sadder when alone, although part of this could be due to sad people finding it harder to form relationships. • Relationships and Physical Wellbeing • Better health outcomes after heart attack / heart disease for people in happy relationships compared to singles (Williams et al., 1992; Coyne et al., 2001); lower mortality rates for people with strong social ties (Berkman & Syme, 1979). • Explanation: • social support (a partner’s responsiveness to another’s needs). Feedback from others can encourage us to live healthier lives, but can also provide an important buffer against stress

Social exclusion

Experience of social exclusion corresponds to increased activity in the Dorsal Anterior Cingulate Cortex, which is involved in experiencing physical pain (Eisenberger, Lieberman, & Williams, 2003; Eisenberger, 2012)

When we feel emotional pain, it is physically painful

Px with lesiosn there can feel pain but no negative emotion. the negative emotion we feel helps us correct the behaviour so we can feel accepted

Evolution and Interpersonal Attraction

The evolutionary psychological approach (sociobiology): • explains human behaviour in terms of its “reproductive value” • General agreement about who is considered attractive: • even babies prefer to look more at faces judged by adults as attractive (Langlois, Ritter, Roggman, & Vaughn, 1991) • Examples: • Preference for facial and bodily symmetry Roggman, & Musselman, 1994); • averageness rather than distinctiveness (Perrett et al., 1999); • body proportions in women – the Hourglass figure (ratio of 0.70) judged as more attractive as it could signal health and fertility.

Evolution and Interpersonal Attraction waist to hip ratio

smaller ratio more attractive, the used figurines to determine this bu the ffect tends to be small and there are other factors invloved

A study by White et al. only found this effect for female babies os this against the hypothesis that males find this attractive

Interpersonal attraction: other effects

proximity, familiarity, similarity

the matching hypothesis: people will form successful relationships with others who are of equal status/desirability • (Garcia & Kherkonsky, 1997), Reciprocity and Mirroring

The power of the situation

Schachter and Singer’s two-factor theory of emotion: • physiological arousal -> appraisal based on relevant contextual cues • Misattribution of arousal • (Dutton and Aron, 1974) suspension bridge study

Another study px injected with drenaline intrepreted differently the arousal when flirting with atatrctive person vs being yelled

Love

1970s-80s: Early research on love terminology The investigators in this volume share so little contributors have (simply) developed their own scheme differs from the next, and there are • Many definitions of love are possible and acceptable, e.g.: • Passionate love: powerful and changeable emotional state, tied to sexual arousal  love as a feeling ( • Companionate love: calm and stable feelings, tied to affection and friendship  love as a relationship scheme differs from the next, and there are formulation to another. Just as partners with talking past each other. l suspect that some difficult to relate to other's perspectives. (Rubin, 80s: Early research on love  varying perspectives and little of a common vocabulary ... many of theown taxonomies of love. Each categorisingno ready translation rules fromonechapter'sMany definitions of love are possible and acceptable, e.g.: Passionate love: powerful and changeable emotional state, tied to love as a feeling (Hatfield & Wallster, 1978) Companionate love: calm and stable feelings, tied to affection and love as a relationship (Watts & Stenner, 2005)

Attachment Theory

While attraction, similarities, etc. may explain the initial spark, they do not say much about… • how relationships form • how the same underlying dynamics, common to all people, can be shaped by social experience to produce different relationships • the role of different emotions associated with loving/ and not so loving relationships • (intimacy, jealousy, caring and needs) • Attachment theory offers these but also... • deals with separation: it claims to say something about loss and loneliness • may serve as a means to link different theories: social, cultural, and evolutionary

Support for Attachment Theory

Kirkpatrick & Davies (1994): examined 354 couples in stable relationships  found no avoidant or anxious-anxious or avoidant-avoidant couples  avoidant individuals tend to partner with anxious ones and feel comfortable doing so • Madey & Rogers (2009): more secure attachment  more intimate and committed relationships

Triangular Theory of Love

Sternberg (1986): an umbrella theory – combines affect, physiology and cognition. 3 components interact to produce different kinds of love: i ntimacy = closeness and connectedness Passion = physical attraction, sex, romance Commitment = decision to enter and maintain relationship concerned with the structural properties of ve ecognises that love is complex and riable berg, R.J. (1986). A

Styles, stories, and social constructions of love

The way individuals and cultures define experience it, e.g. love as passion / game altruism / obsession • Sternberg: theory of love as a story create one of those stories that are culturally acceptable taxonomy of 24 stories (but possibly infinite), e.g.: • Love as science (a rational approach to love) • Love as art (emphasising physical attraction) • Love as war (a constant series of battles) • Hedonistic love (pursuit of pleasure and happiness, by attraction) • Love as effort (to build mutual trust and support each other) Sternberg, R.J. (1998). Love is a Story. Sternberg, R.J. (1996). Love Stories. Personal Relationships, 3(1), 59-79. Styles, stories, and social constructions of define love shapes how they it, e.g. love as passion / game-playing /friendship / theory of love as a story: your culture pressures you to create one of those stories that are culturally acceptable a taxonomy of 24 stories (but possibly infinite), e.g.: Love as science (a rational approach to love) Love as art (emphasising physical attraction) Love as war (a constant series of battles) Hedonistic love (pursuit of pleasure and happiness, by-p

Narrative psychology

People make sense of life and relationships through narratives Narrative = phenomenological representations of personal pasts, presents, and anticipated futures, as represented within story-based frameworks (Dan McAdams) Important in social, personality, and developmental psych Two modes of thought (Bruner, 1986): • Paradigmatic: concerned with objective components of the physical world • Narrative: allows us to draw inferences about the various relevant personal intentions, motives, and concerns

Relationships share some of the features of narratives (e.g., they have “phases”, a thematic arc, ebbs and flows)

Analysis

Emotional valence of events • Portrayal of social actors • Who is attributed emotions, thoughts and agency, and who is not • Narrative trajectories • Narratives of redemption • Narratives of contamination • Quality of shared narratives (positive, intense, frequently rehearsed)  relationship satisfaction

A social constructivist approach to emotions

According to social constructionism: Language: Is not an expression of inner (preverbal thought) Structures thought Is a precondition for thought Is a form of social action (how we label something is an act)

the construction of love

people attribute emotions to themselves based on cultural paradigms + their attitudes towards the paradigms. Paradigms of emotion (like the romantic ideal) provide model and a rationale for behaviour: what behaviours should be performed, and what causes are justifiable.romantic ideal:

idealisation of the other • sudden onset of feelings • absorption in thoughts about the other • willingness to make sacrifices

construction of loev

presupposes an understanding of the self as separate from society. This did not exist in early mediaeval society or in traditional Chinese and Japanese culture. • (Morris, 1972: The Discovery of the Individual: 1050• The contents of idealisation are also not independent The Social Construction of love verill (1985) from culture: • In the chivalric romance the lady often came to stand in for the Virgin Mary; loyalty and devotion to her reinforced the same towards God, the church, and other institutions. • Today people still fall in love with people who are "appropriate", e.g. in terms of age, class, ethnic background to social rules and standards. Idealisation of the loved one: presupposes an understanding of the self as separate from society. This did not exist in early mediaeval society or in traditional Chinese and Japanese culture. (Morris, 1972: The Discovery of the Individual: 1050-1200).The contents of idealisation are also not independent from culture: In the chivalric romance the lady often came to stand in for the Virgin Mary; loyalty and devotion to her reinforced the same towards God, the church, and other institutions. Today people still fall in love with people who are "appropriate", e.g. in terms of age, class, ethnic background -> love is not blind

presupposes an understanding of the self as separate from society. This did not exist in early mediaeval society or in traditional Chinese and Japanese culture. • (Morris, 1972: The Discovery of the Individual: 1050• The contents of idealisation are also not independent The Social Construction of love verill (1985) from culture: • In the chivalric romance the lady often came to stand in for the Virgin Mary; loyalty and devotion to her reinforced the same towards God, the church, and other institutions. • Today people still fall in love with people who are "appropriate", e.g. in terms of age, class, ethnic background to social rules and standards. Idealisation of the loved one: presupposes an understanding of the self as separate from society. This did not exist in early mediaeval society or in traditional Chinese and Japanese culture. (Morris, 1972: The Discovery of the Individual: 1050-1200).The contents of idealisation are also not independent from culture: In the chivalric romance the lady often came to stand in for the Virgin Mary; loyalty and devotion to her reinforced the same towards God, the church, and other institutions. Today people still fall in love with people who are "appropriate", e.g. in terms of age, class, ethnic background -> love is not blind