FMST 314 Relationship Stressors

relational value

the degree to which others consider their relationship with us to be valuable, important, or close

perceived relational value

how perception of how much others value their relationship with us

• stressful when it’s less than we want/expect

relational devaluation

a drop in perceived relaitonal value

• can cause hurt feelings, similar to physical pain

ostracism

being ignored/excluded by others

• can be used to achieve a goal or control someone

• people with high self-esteem are less likely to tolerate it

jealousy

feelings of fear, anger, hurt in response to the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival

reactive jealousy

jealousy in response to an actual, real threat to the relationship

suspicious jealousy

jealousy when there is no real evidence of wrongdoing, based on unfounded suspicions

deception

intentional behaviour that creates a false impression to the recipient

deceiver’s distrust

when liars begin to believe the people they deceive are also lying

truth bias

tendency to believe our partners are telling the truth, even when they might be lying

betrayals

hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we did not expect misbehaviour

forgiveness

letting go of resentment toward someone who has done us harm

• more likely when the offender apologizes and the victim is empathetic

maximal inclusion

plans revolve round your availability

active inclusion

they want you there, but won’t reschedule

passive inclusion

you’re welcome, but not actively invited

ambivalence

your presence or absence doesn’t matter

passive exclusion

ignoring you without overt hostility

active exclusion

tolerate you only when necessary

maximal exclusion

overtly pushing you away

effects of ostracism

• damages self-esteem

• causes feeligns of sadness, hurt, anger

• can severely harm social bonds and mental health

social comparison theory

we evaluate ourself by comparing us to others

• can motivate for self-improvement or create feelings of inadequacy

social media and comparison

• using it as a comparison makes you feel inadequate → less happiness

• using it as passive browsing to keep up with friends → more happiness

people are more prone to jealousy when…

• they are dependent on the relationship and have few alternatives

• have a low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy

• preoccupied attachment style (low avoidance, high anxiety)

• high neuroticism

self-serving lies

to protect self, avoid guilt, gain approval

other-oriented lies

to protect someone else’s feelings

forgiveness

giving up the right to retaliate or hold resentment