Intimate Relationships and Marriage Exam 2 (Sanner- Mizzou)

social cognition

processes of perception and judgement with which we make sense of our social worlds; how we think about our relationships

instantaneously

We form judgments of others _______________.

first 39 milliseconds

we can determine it they're angry

first 1/10 of a second

made judgments of attractiveness, likability, and trustworthiness

5 second conversation

have decided if they're extraverted, conscientious, and intelligent

primacy effect

tendency for the first information we receive about others to carry special weight

confirmation bias

we tend to seek information that will prove us right, rather than looking for examples that will prove us wrong

positive illusions

seeing our partner in the best possible light

attributions

explanations for events and behaviors

internal vs external

personality, ability, effort vs outside influences

stable vs unstable

lasting behavior vs not frequently

positive patterns

happy couples tend to make relationship enhancing attributions

negative patterns

unhappy couples tend to make distress-maintaining attributions

actor/observer effect

when explaining the same behavior tend to give different explanations for ourselves that for our partners

self-serving bias

take credit for our successes, rather than take blame for our faults

reconstructive memory

combination of what happened then and what we know now; rewritten and revised as we gain new knowledge

relationship schemas

beliefs of what relationships should be like

romanticism

the view that love should be the basis for choosing a mate

destiny beliefs

if people are meant to be, they will

growth beliefs

happy relationships are the result of hard work

self-fulfilling prophecies

expectations that are initially false, but they evoke behavior that cause expectation to come true

self-concept

all of the beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves

self-enhancement

desire for positive, complimentary feedback

self-verification

desire for feedback that is consistent with our self-concept

narcissists

have highly inflated perception of talents, desirability, and self-worth

impression management

trying to influence the impressions that others form; regulating and controlling information in social interaction

supplication

presenting oneself as inept or infirm to avoid obligations to elicit help and support

intimidation

presenting oneself as ruthless, dangerous, or menacing to get others to comply

ingratiation

presenting oneself favorably to get in "good graces" and become more attractive and likable

self-promotion

recounting our accomplishments, strategically showcasing our skills

self- monitoring

ability to adjust one's behavior to accommodate to different social situations

communication process

sender's intentions >>>> sender's actions >>>> effect on listener

nonverbal communication

most communication is ____________

functions of nonverbal communication

provide information; regulate the interaction; define the nature of the relationship; interpersonal influence; impression management

facial expressions

expression of basic emotions are innate and universal

intensify

exaggerating the emotion

minimize

downplaying the emotion

neutralize

remove the expression of emotion

mask

replacing one emotion entirely with another

public zone

12' and up

social zone

4'-12'

personal zone

1 1/2' - 4'

intimate zone

0" to 18"

self-disclosure

revealing personal information to someone

social penetration theory

two aspects of meaningful disclosure: breadth and depth; as relationships develop, the wedge becomes deeper and broader

taboo topics

past relationships; sexual histories; and (most common) current or future state of relationship

triangle test

watching how lovers respond to other attractive people

endurance test

creating obstacles for lovers to overcome to show their devotion

separation test

finding reasons to be apart to see how enthusiastically lovers welcome return

kitchen-sinking

addressed several topics at one

off-beaming

wandering from topic to topic

mindreading

assuming to know partner's thought, feelings, and motivations

interruptions

disagreeing and changing the topic

yes-butting

pretend to agree only to introduce another complaint

cross-complaining

responding to a partner's complaint with a complaint of your own

criticism

attacking a partner's personality of character

contempt

insults, mockery, hostile humor

defensiveness

responding with cross-complaint or counterattack

stonewalling

withdrawing into silence

paraphrasing

repeating your partner's message in your own words to give them a chance to agree or disagree that is what they actually meant

perception-checking

asking your partner for clarification of their feelings

validation

communicating respect and recognition to a partner's point of view

social exchange

social life entails a mutual exchange of desirable rewards with others

approach motivation

we seek positive experiences (rewards)

avoidance motivation

we avoid negative outcomes (costs)

flourishing

approach goals fulfilled; avoidance goals fulfilled

precarious

approach goals fulfilled; avoidance goals unfulfilled

distressed

approach goals unfulfilled; avoidance goals unfulfilled

boring

approach goals unfulfilled; avoidance goals fulfilled

self-expansion model

expand interests, skills, and experiences

comparison level (CL)

what we believe we deserve; expectations for relationship outcomes; standards

comparison levels for alternatives (CLalt)

evaluation based on how well we could do outside of relationship

investments

the things you would lose if the relationship ended

evaluating satisfaction

CL compared to Outcome; anytime the outcome is higher, you should be relatively happy

evaluating stability

CLalt compared to outcomme; if your CLalt is higher than your outcome, the relationship is unstable

happy, stable

Outcome

CLalt

CL

happy, stable

Outcome

CL

CLalt

unhappy, stable

CL

Outcome

CLalt

happy, unstable

CLalt

Outcome

CL

unhappy, unstable

CLalt

CL

Outcome

unhappy, unstable

CL

CLalt

Outcome

nature of dependence

poor alternatives = high dependence on current partner; the worse the options the more dependent we become

principle of lesser interest

the person who is least dependent has the most power in the relationship; the person with a higher CLalt has less to lose by leaving

intimacy is costly

the more you trust someone, the more liberties you take in how you treat them; ruder/less forgiving to partner than anyone else

good: bad ration

5:1

influence of time

cannot predict whether a relationship will last based on the initial rewards; rewards become less satisfying, costs go up

changes in effort

comparison level over time rise; but our desire to be charming might diminish (lower outcomes)

exchange relationships

we want to maintain a balance of costs and rewards; keep a mental tally

communal relationships

mutual responsiveness to the other person's needs; don't keep a careful account of costs and rewards

equitable relationships

people are more satisfied in relationships in which there is proportional justice; each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to his/her contributions

overbenefited

receiving better outcomes than he/she deserves

underbenefited

receiving less than he/she should

personal commitment

you want to stay because you're happy

constraint commitment

you feel that you have to stay because it would be too costly to leave

moral commitment

you feel like you ought to stay because you don't want to break an obligation or formal vows