Avoidant Personality Disorder

Students in class

• Say little to nothing

• Seem awkward and self-conscious on those rare occasions when they speak a few words

Someone at a party who shows up early and stays late...

• But spends most of the time anchored to the corner of the room

• Waits for someone to approach him/her to make conversation

– If you are the one who approaches, you’ll notice immediate discomfort upon even the most pleasant conversation

This person may have

one or two trusted friends

Few others pass their strict tests of

uncritical support and acceptance to gain access to their private circles

This person is not content with

this secret, isolated way of life

Pain from loneliness and seclusion

hurts them to the core of their existence

They’d rather be alone than

make themselves vulnerable to the “inevitable” social humiliation

Rather than experience the awkwardness of nakedly putting themselves on display, they take their silent, lonely pain and make themselves invisible

away from the “harsh, but deserved criticism from others”

This person may resist

any life change that may bring them into the public eye

– Includes occupational promotions and other life rewards

This person may wish deeply for

love, genuine intimacy, and greater life enjoyment or satisfaction

Their souls are seen as so disgraced that they must withdraw into

a private world of shame

Core Beliefs

– Long standing dysfunctional beliefs that interfere with social functioning

– As children, they may have had a significant person (parent, teacher, sibling, peer) who was highly critical and rejecting of them

Schemas

– “I’m inadequate”

– “I’m defective”

– “I’m unlikeable”

– “I’m different”

– “I don’t fit it”

Negative beliefs about other people

– “People don’t care about me”

– “People will reject me

Underlying Assumptions

– Not all children with critical or rejecting significant others become avoidant

• Avoidant personalities hold underlying assumptions

– “If this person treats me so badly, then I must be a bad person”

– “If I don’t have friends then I must be different or defective”

– “If my parents don’t like me, how could anyone?”

Fear of rejection

– Avoidants make the error of assuming that others will react to them in the same negative fashion as the critical significant others did

• Continually fear that others will find them lacking and reject them

• They fear that they will not be able to bear the dysphoria that they believe will arise from the rejection

– As a result, they avoid social situations and relationships

• This is done in order to avoid the pain they expect to feel when someone inevitably (in their judgment) rejects them

– This prediction of rejection causes dysphoria which itself is extremely painful

– The prospect of rejection is even more painful because the avoidant person views others’ negative reactions as justified

• Rejection is interpreted in a very personal manner

Rejection is perceived as being caused solely by

personal deficiencies

• “He rejected me because I’m inadequate”

• “If she thinks I’m unintelligent (unattractive, etc.), it must be true”

• These attributions are

– Generated by negative self-beliefs

– Reinforce dysfunctional beliefs

Self-Criticism

– Avoidant patients experience a string of self-critical automatic thoughts

• Happen in social situations as well as anticipated encounters

• Thoughts are rarely evaluated, but produce dysphoria

– “I’m unattractive”

– “I’m boring”

– “I’m stupid”

– “I’m a loser”

– “I’m pathetic”

– “I don’t fit in”