Restorative Justice: The Energy of Forgiveness- Ch. 1-10

Chapter 3, A Burglary Leads to a Lasagna Meal

- The Smiths' home was burglarized by Steve while they were gone for the weekend

- The neighbors called once the police arrived

- Steve felt the Smiths were ripping him off by claiming more restitution than the items he took were worth

- Steve told his buddies, and they burglarized the Smiths for a second time

- Mr. Smith kept calling Steve a "Punk."

- Emotions started to shift when Mr. Smith asked about his daughter, and if Steve knew or saw her

- Mr. Smith asked Steve to tell her they loved her

- An agreement was made- Steve would repay the monetary loss over a 1.5-year period

- Steve suggested the follow-up meeting be at his house so he could show the Smiths he was a good guy and just made a mistake

- Steve said he would cook them lasagna

Chapter 4, A Tragic Can Crash Gives way to Reconciliation

- Richard, an off-duty police officer, hit two people leaving the fair with his daughter

- Richard injured Anne and killed her husband Jim

- Richard then left the scene

- Richard later confessed and was convicted of negligent homicide- 3 years' incarceration

- After 18 months, Anne was referred to an RJ program

- Anne didn't want any prep time or an intro into the meeting, she just wanted to talk to the "punk" who killed her husband

- Richard put a gun to his head that night and thought about killing himself

- After Anne and Richard talked alone, you could see a shift in energy when Anne stopped referring to Richard as a Punk and gave him a hug

Chapter 5, A Mother Goes to Prison to Get Some Answers

- Bridget, mother, was at a friend's house while her son was at a music festival for the Fourth of July

- She got a call from her son's friend saying she needed to go to the hospital because her son was injured

- Bridget never fully understood what happened to her son, only that he got punched and was in a coma

- Roger, the guy who punched DJ, said that most of his anger that night came from his childhood and was never geared towards DJ or his friends

- DJ was sticking up for a smaller friend when he got punched and hit headfirst on the concrete

- Bridget wanted to speak with Roger because she noticed he had no one in the courtroom with him

- Roger explained that he was taken from his mother at 11 and has been in foster care since

- She wanted to know if the lack of parenting from Rogers' parents killed her son

- She prepared many mother's Day cards and family photos for when she spoke with Roger

- Bridget left the meeting feeling bad for Roger and wanted to parent Roger into being a better person

Chapter 6, A Woman Connects with her Father's Murderer

- Jack, the offender, carried a long history of anger and pent-up pain, which ultimately led to the murder of Pam's father

- Pam said she experienced a "moment of grace" that allowed her to be in control of her feelings- and forgive Jack

- Jack was a family friend who would help in the kitchen during the holiday season, but in a wave of rage, stabbed Pam's dad 40 times

- To prepare, Pam wrote down every question she wanted to ask Jack, and he did the same- the questions were shared before every meeting in person

- Jack was a lot more responsive and reacted more genuinely than he did in the trial

- Pam felt more compassion for him as he talked about his troubled childhood, saying, "he is a victim of his own life."

- This relieved Pam because it was no longer about her dad but about his troubled past

- Jack said he would never hurt her or her family again, which relieved Pam

- All of this allowed her to see him as human again and not a monster

- She visualized her feelings in a box in her closet that could be taken down and felt if she was having a "bad night"

- Pam and her husband both hoped for a positive future for Jack (sign of forgiveness)

Chapter 7, A Broken Family Comes Together

- James, a law student exposed to RJ, hopes he can help his family solve their issues

- Everyone confides in James about their issues

- One sister is in a toxic marriage but is scared to divorce because of their mom's reaction- once she does, her mom stops talking to her

- Another sister has postpartum depression with no support system

- A brother and sister-in-law are experiencing infertility and much anxiety

- James created an RJ circle for everyone to have a safe place to talk

- forgiveness came in a "shift in energy" - particularly in the mom when she realized how much pain her daughter was going through with the divorce

- The family agreed to change things moving forward by setting up different committees focused on health and well-being

- one thing that made the circle truly successful was the prep time and making sure everyone felt safe

Chapter 8, A Daughter Journey from Incest to Healing

- Susan is a survivor of sexual abuse perpetrated by her father- abused from age 12-18

- When she left for college, her father acknowledged the abuse and apologized for taking advantage of her

- She had a troubled relationship with her mother, who never acknowledged or denied the abuse

- When Susan's daughter was six, she got a call from a detective investigating a possible sexual assault of a neighborhood girl

- Susan confronted her parents and said you have to confess or I will tell the detectives everything

- Susan allowed her daughter to be questioned, and when she walked out of the conference room with a stuffed animal, she knew her daughter was a victim as well

- She then told the detectives her story

- Her main objective in seeing her dad was to say goodbye and fill in the gaps during the abusive years she could not remember

- Her dad acknowledged the abuse of his daughter but blamed his granddaughter and the neighborhood girl

- Susan brought a box of pictures to help remember the good times

- Her father expressed regret for harming her, but also anger for her suing him and her mother

- At the end of the meeting, Susan said, "Dad, I am probably never going to see you again, so I want you to know I love you," and gave him a hug

Chapter 9, A Circle of Sixty Overcomes Racism

- Oscar, the facilitator, established ethnic- and cultural-specific circles to connect children with others who shared life experiences

- This was to address the educational gap between white students and ethnic minority students

- once groups were established other students were invited to join

- One way the racism was made evident was in the yearbook, other student organizations were recognized but the circles were left out

- 60 youth came together for the circle, with 30 sitting in the middle with the principal and Oscar, and 30 sitting in the outer circle

- The principal listened to every student and stopped the printing of the yearbook to and in the circles

- The principal also acknowledged that conflict and suspensions were down 40% because of the circles

Chapter 10, A Classroom Out of Control Opens Up

- Robert Rico was responsible for implementing a pilot RJ program, circles, in an area school district

- One teacher who attended the training has an especially challenging classroom

- Robert met with the vice principal and assistant teacher to ask for their participation in the circle

- The principal came to the classroom with a talking piece and prepared questions

- The first question: How are you doing in school?

The trouble student answered- "not good. I am having a hard time, and that is the last thing my dad told me." - "before he died"

- The little boy, the other students, and their teacher began to cry

- In that moment, you could feel the relationship change between the problem student and his teacher

- Soon, the conversation shifted to how they could help each other in the classroom- to improve their learning

- This was because another student said, "I want to do better, but I cannot learn when everyone is acting up in class."