Appropriate audience behavior melina lines

BRENDA. No one told me this was going to be so scary.

MELINA. I know. People said it was dramatic and sad, but they didn’t say anything about it being scary.

BRENDA. It’s very scary.

MELINA. Ooooh, when that ghost came out earlier.

BRENDA. Oooh, that was soooo scary! 

(They munch on their popcorn. ASHLEY tries her best to ignore them.)

BRENDA. M! What is that guy doing in that room?!

MELINA. That’s Polonius. He looks very angry

BRENDA. What’s with that knife? What’s he doing with that knife!

MELINA. Ooooo . . . I can’ t look! I can’t look!

BRENDA. Hamlet! Hamlet! He’s behind the curtain!

MELINA. I can’t look! I can’t look! Tell me what’s happening!

BRENDA. Hamlet’s in troublllllle. Polonius is in the closet! Watch out, Hamlet! 

ASHLEY. Would you . . . shut up! 

MELINA. Excuse me!?

ASHLEY. This is not a scary movie where you can just shout at the screen! They can hear you! Onstage!

MELINA. Well, then all the more reason we should tell him! Hamlet’s in trouble!

BRENDA. If we don’t tell him, who will?! 

ASHLEY. No one! It’s not . . . he’s not actually in danger. (Onstage, we hear as CLAUDIUS jumps out and HAMLET kills him.)

BRENDA. Oh, no! Hamlet! 

MELINA. AAAHHH!!! Oh, he killed Polonius!

BRENDA. Oh, God! Oh, I did not see that coming.

MELINA. I can’t believe Kara didn’t tell us that Hamlet was so scary! It’s scary!

BRENDA. Real scary!

MELINA. There’s ghosts.

BRENDA. Ghosts are scary.

MELINA. There’s Claudius.

BRENDA. Claudius was reeeallll scary. I did not like his eyebrows!

MELINA. That crazy girl with her flowers is scary.

BRENDA. She had too many flowers! Why did she have so many flowers?!

MELINA. I don’t know. It was scary though.

BRENDA. So. Scary. 

(They munch on popcorn. ASHLEY just sulks in her seat.) (HAMLET finishes his soliloquy and the lights go out!) 

BRENDA. Oh! What happened?! 

MELINA. I think it’s just a scene transition.

BRENDA. Every time the lights go out, I think we all just died! And that is so scary!

MELINA. So scary!

BRENDA. Watch out, Hamlet! The lights went out and maybe you think you’re dead now! But you’re not! It’s just a transition!

MELINA. If he doesn’t realize it’s a transition he’s gonna be like . . . so scared.

BRENDA. So. Scared.

(ASHLEY gets up and walks offstage.)