Philosophy Sex, Love, and Friendship

Symposium

meaning: dinner party

where Plato gave a drunken speech on eros

Eros

desire/love: referring to intense, sexual attachment

Philia

friendship type of love

Pausinias

Two Types of Eros:

Commonly (Earthly) Eros

Heavenly (Uranian) Eros

Commonly (Earthly) Eros

vulgar, common, and haphazard

directed to physical bodies and sexual act itself

falls upon unintelligent people who focus on temp. pleasure

Heavenly (Uranian) Eros

love rooted in superior nature and intelligence

lover acts as an intellectual mentor

only good for lasting virtue

Aristophanes:

Myth of Reunion

early humans started off as triple-sexed, double-bodied beings who were cute by the gods

to love is to want to reunite with one’s other self

Socrates

discussion of what the nature of desire is:

desire implies lack

argues that because eros loves beauty: eros does not have beauty

to love is to desire permanent possession of what’s good

Ladder of Love

one beautiful bofy

beauty of all bodies

beautiful soul and mind

beauty in customs and institutions

beauty in knowledge and science

true beauty itself

Conlon’s Thesis

friends and lovers cannto co-exist because they differ in levels of intimacy and therefore cannot be combined

relationship types are not additive

Platonic/Cumulative Ascent

each relationship type is a deeper-form of the other, where relationships get better and everything is kept from before.

views intimacy as accumulative

assumes nothing is lost when relationships change

misguided ideal: friends and lovers is the epitome of human intimacy

Nietzschean Difference

model supported by Conlon

like choosing a literary genre

relationships and intimacy are not accumulative. when relationships change there is inevitable loss. coworkers who become friends can no longer speak purely professional.

Halwani’s Thesis

Love is ethically structured by the virtues.

immunity claim

claims that love is immune from ethical criticism

love may be characterized as an irrational emotion and sexual impulse

needs within a relationship, whether ethical or not, have priority and cannot be judged

love can manifest itself in unethical ways even in the relationship

ethically structured claim

love is inherently structured by virtue. no virtue = no love

supported by Raja Halwani

Types of Virtues Necessary in Love

self-regarding virtues

other-regarding virtues

Love in Degrees

love may come in degrees

virtues structure love in a flexible, generous way

some virtues are occasionally missing or entirely absent

two necessary conditions for love

virtues must be present to some degree

energies are directed in an intentionally non-malicious way

non-malicious attention

person cannot love another, whie intentionally desiring to hurt themno

non-intentional malice

there are cases where an individual cannot control or prevent themselves from acting harmdark ful, but it is still not intentional

danger zone in love

“darker dimensions of love” establish dangers of love where passion, extremity, and unpredictability reside

harm and santification

love can be frequently harmful to those who undergo and receive it. these harms are often sanctified or justified in name of love

normativity

analysis of distorted love must be normative because it relies on established norms to distinguish between healthy and distorted love

3 faces of love

care love

union love

appreciation love

harmful care taking

care neglected for those who need it

dominance through care

care-taking used to display incompetence of the cared for

invasive/paternalistic caring

presuming to know what another person needs, better than them, and forcing them to adhere to ita

abstract caring

caring about something as an abstract intention but failing to apply genuine concrete care to those near them

distortion in care love

inappropriate execution of care

distortion in union love

failure to preserve appropriate boundaries between individuals in a relationship

dominance, possession, or appropriation

love attempts to merge with or take possession of beloved

narcissm

lover treats partner as someone to gratify them

submission/masochism

codependency

overidentification

distortions in appreciation love

objectification

failing to truly appreciate the full, complex human being

excessive idealization or overvaluation

exaggerated positive valuation of the love object

focusing on image or perfection instead of reality

normative approach

if love is defined strictly as an ideal distortions would be ruled out

descriptive approach

allows us to classify both healthy and distorted love

helps us understand how distorted love develops