Blake direct

Would you like to tell the court a little bit about yourself, Blake?

Yeah, I am quite the renowned chef. everyone is in love with my food. I own “Birds of a Feather,” an award-winning restaurant. I have a bunch of dishes including my scrumptious ostrich burger for only 6.70 for a limited time — with meat supplied by WOFF. And I went to school with both Regan Kazoo and Jake.

Have you seen Reagan recently?

Yeah I guess I saw them a couple weeks before the incident. I saw them when I went to WOFF as usual to get my ostrich supply for a new dish at my restaurant.

And what was the they doing, if anything?

Well, everyone knows how popular WOFF is. Anyway, Kazoo was doing a hefty march back and forth yelling into a megaphone “Strauss raus! Strauss raus!,” which is German for “Ostrich out! Ostrich out!,” Then suddenly, they rushed through the gate into the farm and broke the second gate then ran toward a security camera outside the baby enclosure. And the babies were looking pretty edible… might’ve been a perfect appetizer…baby ostrich on a stick. 

What happened after?

Kazoo was raising their megaphone. Then Montana hired two big muscly jacked handsome bodyguards. They tackled Kazoo (I wish I was them) before they got to the security camera

What did you see next?

Well, like a weak wimp, regan started yelling, “My knee! My knee! Ahhyee ahhyee owww! You are hurting my knee!” The two security personnel dragged Kazoo out while they were wailing “I will never give up! This isn’t over!,” and then the two guards literally threw Kazoo out the main gate. Well anyway, I felt kindaaa bad so I kept watching them limp away, but once they were far enough they started walking perfectly fine like they grew new legs you know how salamanders regenerate their tails, actually that sounds pretty yummy (was like magic or something, so tuff…)

Moving on to the day of the incident, could you walk the court through what you were doing that day?

Well you know, I got up as usual, went on my morning run to see men working out in the park, (Tuesday May 20th) It was around 5:30 in the morning the mama ostrich running around. I know this because a dog almost took me out. I usually see the rampant dog at around 5:30 but it was 5:40 which is like….10 whole minutes later.

What did you witness when you found the ostrich?

 FROM WHAT I SAW The mama ostrich was preoccupied and if i was an ostrich I would totally think that she was probably looking for something, however i didnt see anything of interest to an ostrich nearby. I approached the mama ostrich, petted her head, and gave her some of my pocket French toast sticks. (those are also on the menu for Tuesday appetizer) Again, from what I saw,  I noticed the mama ostrich being gentle. This all happened near the park so….Never…Eat..Soggy….Waffles…Oh! Right. The North side of town.

Did you tell anyone what you found?

MJ phone number