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what is social cognition

All mental processes (perception, interpretation, belief, memory) used to understand ourselves and others

Why is social cognition important in relationships?

Judgments of partners’ behaviors shape feelings and influence actions. Multiple interpretations are possible (forgiving vs blaming), and misjudgments can damage relationships even if we feel confident we’re right.

How fast are first impressions formed?

As fast as 33 milliseconds for attractiveness, trustworthiness, and status

What is the primacy effect?

First information received carries more weight than later info, guiding how we interpret subsequent details.

snap judgments?

Automatic impressions made before conscious thought, based on cues like attractiveness, age, gender, race, style, or stereotypes.

How does facial width-to-height ratio (fWHR) influence perception?

• High fWHR (wide face) → more prejudiced, higher sex drive, casual sex appeal.

• Low fWHR (narrow face) → judged more trustworthy, preferred for long-term mates.

What are stereotypes?

Automatic, unconscious ideas about groups that guide expectations (eg; male/female. young/old) and shape impressions, even if often incorrect

Define confirmation bias

The tendency to seek information that confirms existing beleifs and avoid contradictory evidence

ex of confirmation bias from snyder & Swann

Participants asked biased questions to determine if strangers were extraverted or introverted; their questions shaped the strangers’ responses, confirming expectations.

What is overconfidence in judgments?

Believing we know more than we really do

ex if overconfidence in relationships

People became more confident over time that they knew partners’ histories, but accuracy did not improve.

Key study: Brown & Bernieri 

First impressions can last months, influencing later judgments 

Key study: Carney et al

People can judge extraversion, conscientiousness, and intelligence in just 5 seconds.

Key study: Darley & Gross - “Hannah study”

Social class preconceptions changed interpretation of identical test performance.

What are positive illusions in relationships?

seeing partners in the best light, emphasizing virtues, downplaying flaws

Benefits of idealization

increases satisfaction, encourages commitment, improves partner self-esteem

Limits of idealization

unrealistic illusions can cause disappointment if flaws are ignored

What is the actor/observer effect in attribution?

we explain our own behavior primarily in terms of situational factors, but explain others’ behavior in terms of their personality or disposition.

Define self-serving bias

Taking credit for successes and blaming failures on external factors

Relationship impact of attributions

How partners explain each other’s behavior significantly affects relationship satisfaction:

• Happy couples → relationship-enhancing attributions.

• Distressed couples → distress-maintaining attributions.

How does attachment style affect partner perception?

• Secure → trust partners, recall positives, generous attributions.

• Insecure → pessimistic, maintain negative interpretations.

Define self-fulfilling prophecy

False predictions become true because expectations influence behavior, eliciting responses that confirm expectations

ex: Men expecting attractive women behaved warmly → women responded positively → expectation confirmed.

What is self concept?

All beliefs & feelings about oneself

Self enhancement vs self verification

• Self-enhancement → The desire to be seen positively — to feel good about yourself and receive compliments or validation.

• Self-verification → The desire to be seen accurately, in a way that matches your self-view, even if that view is negative.

What is the “marriage shift”?

Dating relationships favor self-enhancement; marriage favors self-verification.

How does narcissim affect relationships?

Inflated self-perception, seek superiority over intimacy, low commitment, long-term relationships often fail.

What is transference?

Old feelings from past relationships influence reactions to new partners unconsciously.

Define impression management and its strategies

Controlling what others perceive of us. Strategies:

1. Ingratiation → seek approval or liking

   1. flattery, agreeableness, doing favours. common in early dating or professional networking

2. Self-promotion → highlight skills.

   1. sharing accomplishments, taking credit. common in job interviews or leadership roles.

3. Intimidation → display power.

   1. showing dominance, confidence or threats. common in competitive or hierarchal settings

4. Supplication → appear weak to gain help.

   1. receive care, assistance, or leniency. common when seeking support & forgiveness

High VS Low self-monitors in relationships

self monitoring: how much a person adjusts their behavior to fit social situations.

• High → adapt to social context, more friends, good initial intimacy, shorter commitment.

• Low → consistent behavior, fewer friends, stronger long-term commitment.

Accuracy in perceiving partners depends on 

Partner legibility, perceiver ability (emotional intelligence), motivation, threat avoidance, and partner influence.

Pratical tips for relationship satisfaction

• Stay humble in judgments.

• Celebrate virtues, acknowledge faults.

• Take responsibility for setbacks.

• Don’t rely on love alone.

• Keep making positive impressions.

• Actively understand your partner.

What is interdependence theory?

Partners rely on each other for valuable rewards such as affection, support, and acceptance

A theory that explains relationships in terms of mutual dependence and influence. Key points:

• Partners’ outcomes are linked; your satisfaction depends on both your own and your partner’s behaviour.

• Commitment is shaped by:

  1. Satisfaction – How happy you are with rewards vs. costs.

  2. Alternatives – Availability of other partners or life options.

  3. Investments – Time, effort, shared experiences, resources.

• Focuses on long-term dynamics rather than just immediate rewards.

• Highlights that mutual dependence predicts behaviours like accommodation, sacrifice, and derogation of alternatives.

What is the social exchange concept in relationships?

A mutual exchange of rewards is the foundation of satisfying relationships. When one person consistently gives more than they receive, resentment or imbalance can develop.

Define rewards in relationships

Desirable, gratifying experiences (small favors to intimacy).

Define costs in relationships

Punishing, undesirable experiences.

• Direct costs: financial, injuries.

• Psychological costs: uncertainty, frustration, regret, loss of opportunity.

What is the formula for outcome? - social exchange theory

Outcome = rewards - costs

rewards: rewarding interaction 

negato=ive: punishing interaction

Define comparison level (CL)

Standard of what you expect/deserve in a relationship, based on past experiences.

High vs. Low cL effects?

High CL → higher standards, harder to satisfy.

• Outcome > CL → satisfied

• Outcome < CL → dissatisfied

Define comparison level for alternatives (CLalt)

Lowest level of outcome tolerated based on perceived alternatives (other partners, being single)

How does CLalt etermine dependence

Outcome > CLalt → dependent, stay
Outcome < CLalt → independent, likely to leave

Why dont people leave unhappy relationships immediately?

They leave only if alternatives (CLalt) are better than current outcomes.

Dependence (commitment) - CLalt

formula for dependence

outcome(results-costs) - CLalt

High vs low dependence effects?

Outcome > CLalt → dependent, committed
Outcome < CLalt → independent, less committed

Types of investments in a relationship?

Tangible: possessions, home, money
Intangible: social networks, reputation, love

How do high investments affect commitment?

Increase commitment, reduce likelihood of leaving even if dissatisfied

What are typical costs of leaving?

Children, financial entanglement, social disapproval, fear of change, hurting partner

What factors influence CLalt perception?

Self-esteem, access to information/opportunities, attention to alternatives

Study Miller

College students monitoring alternatives more likely to change partners

relationship types (outcome vs CL vs CLalt)

Key equations

outcomes = rewards - cost

Satisfaction = outcome - CL

Dependence = outcomes - CLalt

What happens when expectations rise?

CL rises to match outcomes → satisfaction decreases over time (hedonic adaptation)

How does dependence affect power?

Partner with lower dependence (higher CLalt) has more power

Modern couples expectations comapred to grandparents?

Modern couples have higher standards for satisfaction because society emphasizes not just love, but also self-esteem, self-expression, and personal growth.

What drives rising CLalt 

reflects how appealing alternatives seem; modern factors like women’s independence, mobility, online dating, and lower divorce stigma raise CLalt, making people more likely to leave even satisfactory relationships.

Relationship economics. negative experience stats?

44% annoyed daily by their partner. 1-2 disagreements/months

Negativity bias 

Criticism hurts more than compliments. expect the worst in others, particularly in close relationships in which people have known each other for a long time

Gottmans 5:1 ratio

5 positive behaviors per 1 negative → predicts long-term relationship survival

• High-risk couples: 56% divorced within 4 years

• Low-risk couples: 24% divorced

Approach vs avoidance motivation

• Approach: Seeking rewards, pleasure, intimacy

• Avoidance: Avoiding costs, pain, rejection

Approach and avoidance operate independently → pleasure + pain can coexist

Relationship satisfaction configurations

Individual differences in motivation ~ High avoidance motive effects?

• A person is motivated to avoid negative outcomes, like conflict, rejection, or disapproval, rather than pursue positive rewards.

• Effects in relationships:

  • Sensitive to negatives: They notice criticism, slights, or potential problems more easily than positives.

  • Sacrifices feel burdensome: Doing things for their partner or the relationship may feel like a heavy obligation rather than a willing, rewarding choice.

Individual differences in motivation ~ High approach motive effects

Sensitive to positives, sacrifices feel rewarding, linked to less loneliness and higher satisfaction

Why are early-stage relationships exciting?

Rapid self-expansion: new skills, experiences, shared adventures

Long term maintenance in relationships

Seek new shared growth to avoid stagnation

Definition of commitment

Desire to continue a relationship and willingness to maintain it

Components of commitment

Expectation, long-term view, psychological attachment

investment model

Commitment = satisfaction + investments – quality of alternatives

Types of commitment

Personal:

Motivation: You want to stay in the relationship.

• Driven by satisfaction, love, and emotional attachment.

• Example: “I enjoy being with my partner and want to build a future together.”

Constraint: Motivation: You feel forced to stay.

• Driven by costs of leaving: children, finances, social pressure, or fear of loneliness.

• Example: “I don’t really enjoy my marriage, but leaving would be too complicated or painful.”

• Often associated with unhappy dependence, where the relationship continues even if it’s not fulfilling.

moral: Motivation: You feel a sense of duty or obligation.

• Driven by values, promises, ethical beliefs, or social/religious norms.

• Example: “I promised to stick with my partner through thick and thin, and it would be wrong to break that vow.”

Behaviors of commitment

Accommodate, sacrifice, derogate alternatives → protect relationship

Formula for equity

(Your outcomes / Your contributions) = (Partner’s outcomes / Partner’s contributions)

Consequences of inequity?

Underbenefited → angry/resentful
Overbenefited → guilty

Modern household division findings?

Men sharing chores → happier marriage + better sex lives

Sacrificers vs maximizers

Satisficers: “good enough” → more satisfied
Maximizers: seek “best” → more regret, pay more attention to alternatives

Greed/self-interest can drive generosity and maintenance of rewards in relationships

how does attachment style influence commitment?

• Avoidant → value independence, track alternatives → less committed

• Anxious → fear abandonment → often less satisfied

• Secure → comfortable with mutual dependence → healthy, stable commitment

consequences of strong commitment?

committed partners

accomodate → avoid retaliation

sacrifice → prioritize relationship over immeidatte self-interest

derogate alternatives → reduce attractiveness of others → these behaviours protect the relationship, even at personal cost

What is singlism?

Prejudice/discrimination against singles (e.g., worse Social Security, insurance rates).

• Many singles choose freedom, autonomy, strong friendships/family ties.

What is cohabitation

the state of living together and having a sexual relationship without being married.

How does cohabitation affect relationship outcomes?

• Casual cohabitation without marriage plans → higher breakup rates, lower satisfaction, more jealousy/infidelity

• Engaged cohabiters → better than casual, still less happy than directly married couples

• Insight: Cohabitation before marriage → more unstable marriages

Cultural/societal factors shaping relationships?

• Economics → later marriages, more singles in industrialized societies

• Gender roles → women earning more; decline of the traditional breadwinner model

• Individualism → self-expression & personal fulfillment prioritized

• Technology → birth control, social media, online dating, phubbing

• Sex ratio → more men = conservative roles, less divorce; more women = permissive, higher female independence

adult attachment styles

• Secure: comfortable with closeness/dependence

• Preoccupied: seeks closeness, worries undervalued

• Fearful: wants closeness, fears rejection

• Dismissing: prefers independence, avoids emotional closeness

• ~60% secure; rest vary on avoidance of intimacy and anxiety about abandonment

How does childhood experiences shape attachment

• Harsh/unpredictable → “fast” mating strategy → early sex, multiple partners, early children

• Stable/secure → “slow” strategy → later sex, fewer partners, longer-lasting relationships

• Sensitive parenting → secure attachment; neglect → insecurity

• Attachment styles can shift with adult experiences

personality traits (big 5) affecting relationship

1. Open-mindedness → curiosity/imagination

2. Extraversion → sociable, assertive

3. Conscientiousness → reliable, responsible

4. Agreeableness → compassionate, cooperative

5. Negative Emotionality → worry, anxiety, anger (most impactful on relationship happiness)

• Positive traits predict long-lasting relationships; negative emotionality predicts conflict

self-esteem in relationships

• Low self-esteem → misread partner, overreact, relationship struggles

• High self-esteem → closeness, constructive behaviors

• Tends to rise with age & positive relationship feedback

True size of sex differences?

Example: men slightly higher sex drive on average, but many women score higher than average men.

Gender differences vs sex differences?

Gender → social/cultural roles, fluid and flexible

Instrumental traits (assertiveness) → culturally “male”

Expressive traits (warmth) → culturally “female”

Androgynous individuals → happier, higher marital satisfaction, better communication

Androgynous meaning

one who has both masculine and feminine characteristics

ex; man wearing skirt

why is communication crucial in relationships?

Misunderstandings between intentions and perceived impact (“interpersonal gaps”) can prevent relationships from thriving; good intentions alone aren’t enough.

What is nonverbal communication & why is it important

Communication beyond words: facial expressions, gaze, body movement, touch, posture, smell, paralanguage. Conveys emotions, intimacy, support, and relationship cues, often more honestly than words.

facial exoressions in communication

Largely universal, signal emotions, predict social/relationship outcomes. Can be feigned, but microexpressions leak true feelings.

Eye behavior and gaze

Conveys attention, interest, affection, and dominance. Lovers gaze more than friends/acquaintances.

touch in relationships

Conveys emotion, intimacy, support. Improves satisfaction and physical health.

Interpersonal distance zones

• Intimate: 0–1.5 ft (loving/hostile)

• Personal: 1.5–4 ft (friends)

• Social: 4–12 ft (formal/business)

• Public: 12+ ft (lectures)
  Factors: culture, temperature, gender, relationship quality.

Chemosignals / smell in communication

Emotions release detectable chemicals (fear, happiness). Affect observers’ emotions and social/sexual interactions; anosmia (lack of smell) linked to fewer sexual relationships.

Paralanguage definition

Nonverbal aspects of voice: pitch, tone, rhythm, loudness. Conveys emotion better than facial expressions; signals mate value, attraction, and fertility cues.

Nonverbal channels work together

Touch, distance, smell, facial expression, paralanguage reinforce each other. Discrepancies reveal true intent. Mimicry fosters liking; adjusting cues regulates intimacy.

Nonverbal sensitivity

Ability to encode/decode cues predicts relationship satisfaction. Women generally better at it. Poor skills → vicious cycle of dissatisfaction. Can be improved with practice.

Self-disclosure and intimacy

Gradually sharing personal info builds closeness. Social Penetration Theory: relationships deepen in breadth & depth. Reciprocity strengthens connection.

Interpersonal Process Model of Intimacy

Intimacy develops when:

1. Meaningful self-disclosure occurs

2. Partner responds with empathy & interest

3. Disclosure perceived as understood & respected
   Tip: Ask follow-up questions to signal responsiveness.

Secrets & selective disclosure

Some privacy is healthy. Keeping shameful/significant secrets can be stressful. People usually disclose when burden outweighs risk. Motivations: protect self, relationship, or others.

Coming out & LGB disclosure

Often known in teens; delayed disclosure to protect relationships. Typically first to trusted friends, then family (mothers > fathers). Goal: closeness/authenticity but risk of discrimination exists.

Taboo topics in relationships

Avoiding sensitive topics can be constructive, but avoidance due to fear or incompetence reduces satisfaction. Some test fidelity indirectly rather than communicating openly.