10/21Relationships and Well-Being II

Nelson 2014, argues that

asking whether parents are more or less happy than their childless peers is not a meaningful question. Instead, we should ask WHEN AND WHY parenthood is associated with higher or lower well-being

pros and cons for parenthood to wellbeing transition

Pros: purpose/ meaning in life human needs, positive emotions, social roles. Cons: Neg emotions, financial strain, sleep distrubance, strained partner relationships

specific questions to ask for parenthood to wellbeing transition

1. WHY is parenthood associated with more or less well-being, 2. WHEN is parenthood associated with more or less well-being

pains of parenting

neg emotion like burnout, strained partner relationship, 

neg emotion- burnout

parental burnout involves: feelings of exhaustion, emtional detachment, loss of enjoyment in parenting, stray from ideal style of parenting

cost of parental burnout

Parental neglect, Parental violence, Escape ideation, Alcohol abuse, Sleep issues, Poorer parent-child relationship

strained relationship

parents most affected by lower marital satisfaction were: mothers compared to fathers, parents of infants (<2 years old) compared to older children

meta analysis on strained partner relationship

participants compared MARITAL SATISFACTION of married couples with children versus married couples without children, correlation between parenthood and marital satisfaction is r=.10. Summary: Parents vs nonparents are generally LESS satisfied with their relationship with their spouses

doss, 2009

8 year longitudinal study compared trajectory of change in relationship functioning between parents vs nonparents (every year for the first 8 years of marriage, have child at year 3)

POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP FUNCTIONING (Doss, 2009):

measured changes in relationship satisfaction, relationship confidence, relationship dedication

NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP FUNCTIONING (Doss, 2009):

Poor conflict management, Negative communication, Problem intensity

positive relationship functioning (un married vs married in relationship satisfaction)

women always had lower relationship satisfaction (steep drop when they had kids). Without kids, there was just a negative slope.

positive relationship functioning (un married vs married in relationship confidence)

with kids: women had a straight horizontal line for -4 to 0, had a 90 degree straight drop, to have a horizontal line again (women had higher relationship confidence until they had kids and then it was lower than men). For men, there is a slight n shape curve. For without kids, men and women had a slight u with women being lower. 

positive relationship functioning (un married vs married in relationship dedication)

with kids: at the start, men had lower dedication and it goes up  until they have kids (lower than females), then there is a vertical decline, then there was an increase (higher than women). For women, it was higher than men and has a slight lower decline to vertical decline and then decreased slighted until lower than men. no kids: women had a slight positive u shape (higher than men), and men had a slight n shape (lower than females) 

negative relationship functioning (poor conflict management)

with kids: for men, a slight positive linear(always lower than females), for women, they had a negative slope, until they had kids, then there it had a vertical increase and then back to a negative linear slope. WITHOUT kids: both men and women have a positive linear slope with men having more 

negative relationship functioning (neg observed communication)

with kids: men and women have the same shape which is a negative linear slope until the kid is there then both have a vertical increase, ack to a negative linear slope. Men are higher, then same, then lower than women. WITHOUT kids: both are negative linear slope the whole time

negative relationship functioning (problem intensity)

with kids: lower horizontal line until kids, then women have a vertical up  then back to a horizontal line (higher than men). For men, its a horizontal line, then a linear positive. WITHOUT kids: both have a positive linear line

strained partner relationship summary

Parents demonstrate immediate deterioration in relationship functioning at the birth of their child (Transition to parenthood is a challenging time for couples); Over the 8 years parents and non-parent couples show similar overall decline in relationship functioning (Happens suddenly for parents (at time of childbirth), Happens gradually over time for non-parents)

The Pleasures of Parenting (bernsten, 2011)

85% of young adults become parents by age 45 (Child Trends, 2002); 94% of parents say that having children is worth it, despite the costs; Parents refer to their children as “bundles of joy” or the “light of my life”; Parents report that having children is the most positive event in their lives

The Pleasures of Parenting

purpose/ meaning in life, positive emotions,

The Pleasures of Parenting: Purpose/Meaning in life

Parenting provides a sense of PURPOSE (valuable goals to pursue: supplying food, shelter, affection; offering guidance and education); parenting provides a sense of MEANING (contribute to society, have legacy)

The Pleasures of Parenting: Positive emotions

Children infuse positivity into parents’ lives (fun, entertainment, pride); parents experience more positive emotions in daily life than nonparents (nelson, 2013), parents feel more positive e,otions with their children compared to the other activites. Parents feel AWE or PRIDE from interacting with their children (personal growth; talent in academics, athletics; resilence, determination; compassion, kindness)

The Pleasures of Parenting: Positive emotions associated with

Greater satisfaction with life; Fewer negative emotions; Greater meaning in life; Greater psychological richness

The benefits and costs of parenthood may be exacerbated by

Parent demographic characteristics; Parent psychological characteristics; Child demographic characteristics; Child psychological characteristics

Parent demographic characteristics:

Parent age: Younger parents experience poorer well-being as opposed to middle-aged or older parents

Marital status:

Unmarried parents experience poorer well-being as opposed to
married parents

Social support:

Parents with low social support experience poorer well-being; Parents with high social support experience better well-being

Child age:

Parents with young children experience poorer well-being

Child residence status

Noncustodial parents experience poorer well-being; Empty nesters experience better well-being

Child problems:

Having at least one child with problems predicts poorer parental well-being

Child temperament

Having a child with an easy temperament predicts better parental
well-being; Having a child with a difficult temperament predicts poorer parental well-being

Deiner & Seligman (2002) sampled college students and compared the top 10% of happiest people to the bottom 10% of most unhappy people

The QUALITY OF SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS was the only factor that reliably distinguished the two groups

Holt-Lunstad, 2010 investigate the association between social relationships and mortality

Structural aspects of relationships (Social integration); Functional aspects of relationships (Perceived support). having high social relationships help reduce mortality rates 

Main effects model

Social relationships DIRECTLY influence cognitive, emotional, behavioral, and biological influences on health

Buffering hypothesis

Social relationships provide informational, emotional, or tangible resources that PROMOTE ADAPTIVE RESPONSES TO STRESSORS (Help from relationships BUFFERS the negative influence of stressors on poorer health outcomes)

what affects your relationship (dispositions, motivations, behaviors)

ATTACHMENT as an important disposition, EXCITING ACTIVITES (SELF-EXPANSION) as an important behavior, CARING as an important motivation

types of attachment

secure (caregivers were responsive and kid is trusting and relaxed); anxious-ambivalent (caregiver was unpredictable and inconsistent leading the kid to be nervous and clingy); avoidant (caregivers were absent and rejecting leading the child to be susicious and withdrawn)

secure attachment

easy to get close to ppl, i dont often worry about being abondoned

preoccupied attachment

worry partner doesn’t love/ want to stay with them, want to get close but it scares ppl away, finds other dont get as close as they would want (uneasy and vigilant towards any threat to the relationship, needy and jealus)

dismissing attachment

uncomfortable being close to tother and finds it difficult to trust people (doesn’t like to depend on people), nervous to get close to anyone (partner wants them to be more intimate than they are comfortable with). Is self-reliant and uninterested in intimancy

fearful attachmemt

fearful of rejection and mistrust of others, sus and shy

Partner buffering

can promote higher relationship well-being in the face of CONFLICT for those who are anxious and avoidant

Buffering attachment anxiety during conflict

Partner of anxious individual can provide buffering by showing love and reassurance, avoiding retaliation. When the anxious person recieves buffering, they are 1. less afraid of being abandoned, 2. feels more positive emotions, 3. feels more accepted

Buffering attachment avoidance during conflict:

Partner of avoidant individual can provide buffering: supporting the person’s autonomy and validating their view. Avoidant partners feel more independence is maintained, les angry and withdraw, more successful discussions

two types of love

passionate love (feelings of intense longing, physiological arousal, feelings of ecstasy when fufilled), companionate love (feelings of intimacy and affection, felt for someone we care deeply about)

passionate love

tends to START HIGH and then decrease overtime

companionate love

tends to start low and then INCREASE over time

to maintain well-being and excitement in long-term relationships

the self-expansion theory says that we have fundamental motivation. partner promotes self expection by taking on the partner’s identities, knowledge, interests (hobby), experiences. In long term relationships, partners promote self expansion through engaging in NOVEL AND EXCITING ACTIVITES

Muise and colleagues (2019) examined the effects of self-expansion for couples’ relationship and sexual well-being in daily life

How much did being with your partner result in you having new

experiences?; How much did being with your partner expand your sense of the kind of person you are?; How much did your partner provide you with a source of excitement?

Seld expansion today will increase relationship satisfaction tomorrow

the reverse is NOT signifcant 

self-expansion led to

closeness, otherness sexual desire