Clue on stage High School Edition Wadsworth Lines

Good evening. I'm not sure if Im in the right--

Yes indeed you are expected, Colonel.

Oui

Very well then. Let the game begin.

(Opens door to Mustard)

Good evening.

(End of McCarthy's voice)

Yvette?

Monsieur! I didn't hear you come in! You frightened me half to death!

Wouldn't want to do that. There are so many better ways to die. Please, turn off that noise. Is everything ready?

oui

Good. Cook?

You called sir?

Everything on schedule?

Dinner will be ready at 7:30. Sharp. (doorbell)

Ah, right on time. You have your instructions?

How do you...

It is Colonel Mustard, isn't it?

No, that's not my name. My name is colonel--

I believe it's been recommended that tonight you use a pseudonym.

Oh, no thank you. I took an antihistamine before I came.

May I take your coat?

Oh, all right. I suppose I---(champagne cork)

Oh, not to worry, Colonel. It's just the maid, in the hall, with the champagne cork.

Are you expecting someone else?

Indeed. I'll be with you in a moment.

With pleasure my dear. (open door to White)

Do come in Madam you are expected. Welcome

Do you know who I am?

Only that you are a socialite to be known this evening as Mrs. White?

Yes, it said so in my letter, But, why---

May I introduce you? Mrs White, this is the maid, Yvette. (sting) I see you two know each other.

"Champagne?" "I think not."

Please, warm yourself in the lounge.

Why? Do I look cold?

A bit. (bring to lounge) I'll be right with you.

Doorbell) (white) More?

Oh yes. (close lounge)

Bonjour madam. Please, come in from ze rain.

Mrs Peacock I presume.

Oh yes, that's me!

Cook, will you please take Mrs. Peacock's stole? (sting) I see you two know each other.

My lips belong to the lord!

PLease, make yourself comfortable in the lounge.

Thank you. Oh! For your hospitality... And theirs a coupla Benjamins hidden under the camels for you, butler.

How...Sticky.

I expect to be treated like the wife of a ... (doorbell)

Hold that thought. Right this way. After you, Mrs. Peacock.

(front door)Is this the right address to meet a... Mr. Boddy? (dogs barking)

Sit! (he sits) No, not you sir.

Sorry, Sorry.

PLease, come in.

Excuse me, I suppose this letter has me rather anxious.

You must be Mr. Green.

Yes. That's exactly who I am.

Welcome sir.

Whoa This isn't at all what I expected.

I find that if you expect nothing, you're never disappointed.

Oh, I'm not disappointed... (doorbell)

Pardon me sir (open door)

Well, here I am.

Professor PLum.

Well, Well, well. And I thought I'd seen everything.

Miss Scarlet. Welcome. I didn't realize you and the professor were acquainted.

I didn't realize we were heading to the same place until we arrived.

How was your drive?

Its a long haul.

Indeed it is a long hall. But then, its a very large house. This way please.

Say... What is this godforsaken place anyways?

This old place? Oh this...is Boddy Manor. Cook. Dinner?

Directly.

Appetizers in the lounge. After you.

There are so many of you--I didn't realize...

Right, Good then, you are all here. Colonel Mustard. Miss Carlet. Mrs. White. Professor Plum. Mr Green. Mrs. Peacock.

How do you do?

Greetings. I am Wadsworth, the butler. Tonight, as you may have surmised, nobody is being addressed by their real name. A courtesy your host has provided to ensure your privacy. I suggest you follow his lead and refrain from revealing too much about yourselves. You never know when.. (gong) Ah, Dinner.

Mr. Wadsworth, you were saying...."You never know when..." what?

What?

What?

Hm? This way please. (gong) We really oughtn't keep her waiting. Cook can get cranky. Ladies and gentlemen, follow me, the Dining Room is right this way.

(entering dining room)

You'll find your names beside your places. Please, be seated.

This place, at the head of the table. Is that for you?

Indeed no sir. I don't sit. I am merely a humble butler.

What exactly do you do?

I buttle sir.

Dinner is served.

Thank you cook.

All right then, what's this about, butler; this "dinner party?"

Ours not to reason why, Ours but to do and die.

Die?

Merely quoting sir, from Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Sp, who is our host? Is this where he sits?

All in good time sir.

Wadsworth, we've had about enough of this! Where is our host, and why have we been brought here? (doorbell)

Ah, speak of the devil. Pardon me sir.

The acoustic coupling of the glass allows sound waves to travel from one side to the other.

All the guests have arrived as expected, sir. Everything's going according to plan. We'll meet you in the study.

Oh, for goodness sake! Who was at the door?! I demand to know what's going on!

Can I interest any of you in fruit or dessert?

NO!

In that case, may I suggest we adjourn to the Study for coffee and brandy, at which point I believe your newly-arrived host will reveal his intentions, your letters will be explained, and the game will be afoot.

Coffee? Brandy?

Thank you Yvette. That will be all.

For Wadsworth. Open after dinner. It's for you.

Right then, are you comfortable?

Oh, out with it Wadsworth!

Ladies and gentlemen, these instructions are clear.

I'm glad something is.

It seems the six of you have all received the same letter. (take plum's letter) It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because a Mr. Boddy will bring to end a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability.

yes that's what mine says!

As it turns out, you all have one thing in common.

That tyrant McCarthy! We're all being blacklisted, aren't we?

Close Colone;. You are all being blackmailed. For some considerable time all of you have been paying more than you can afford to someone who threatens to expose you.

Yeah lady, don't we all.

Anyone else wish to deny it? Until you received your letters, you hadn't known who was blackmailing you. But now, I'm sure even the least discerning amongst you has determined that the man behind your ransom... Is Mr. Boddy himself.

Who is this Boddy fella, you brutish butler?!

Who Mr. Boddy is, is no concern of yours. Suffice it to say, he's a supporter of the House Un-American Activities Committee - and he feels that your activities have been decidedly un-American. My task this evening is to expose your secrets to each other, rendering you all culpable in each others indiscretions.

But we hardly know each other.

Precisely.

Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?

I'm afraid I have no choice. We'll start with you, Professor Plum.

Oh, this ought to be good.

It says here you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in pathological, lying lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

Yes, but now I work for the US Government.

So your work has not changed. But you can't practice medicine anymore, can you? Your license has been lifted, correct?

Why? What'd he do?

You know how doctors aren't supposed to date their lady patients? Yeah well, he did.

You're disgusting

Are you making moral judgements Mrs. Peacock? (Well, I---) How then, do you justify taking bribes in return for delivering Senator Peacocks votes to certain lobbyists?

My husband is a paid consultant. There is nothing sinful about that!

Not if its publicly declared. But if you slip ash under the stall door at Old Ebbitt's grill? How would you describe that transaction?

No, its a vicious lie!

But you've been paying the blackmail for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers. Seems a little...sticky...no?

not me

You're not being blackmailed?

Ha-hah! So it is true!

A double negative!

Double negative, you mean, you have photographs?

That sounds like a confession to me. In fact, the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

You don't need any help from me, sir. Colonel, looks like you hold a sensitive security post in the pentagon. Those "negatives" would most certainly compromise your position.

This is an outrage!

Let's see, who's next? Mrs White, you've been paying out friend the blackmailer ever since you husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances.

Why would he want to kill you in public?

I think she meant that he had threatened in public to kill her.

It was all over the papers.

And yet he was the one who died. not you, Mrs. White, not you.

A Iikely story.

But he was your second husband. Your first also disappeared.

That was his job, he was an illusionist.

But he never reappeared.

He wasn't a very good illusionist.

And lastly, Mr. Green, who is a...

I don't need you to unmask me Wadsworth. I know what you are going to say about me!

What's that?

You asked, Who is a homosexual, and I said, not me.

Yes thank you Colonel. But there's more to it than that, Mr. Green.

How do you mean?

There's evidence to support the question of... your politics.

My politics? Since when is working for the Republican Party a Crime?

You swore an oath of allegiance to the Republican Party, but neglected vote for Eisenhower in the last election. That's grounds for an ousting if there ever was one.

Everything has its price, Mr. Green.

So--there you have it.

Have what?

A crooked senator's wife, a lascivious doctor, a disloyal republican, and so forth... Not exactly adhering to an all-American standard of bohavior, are you?

But is this Boddy fella is such a noble civilian himself, than why didn't;t he report us to the authorities?

And give up the opportunity to make a buck? What could be more American than that?

Who cares?! I'm not waiting to find out! I've done nothing wrong, I'm leaving.

I'm sorry Mrs. Peacock. You can stay in denial, but you cannot leave this house.

Locked?!

Indeed. All the doors are locked. The windows are barred, and the grounds are are patrolled by vicious dogs. There is no way out!

You can't hold us hostage!

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your host for the evening, and your blackmailer for life...Mr. Boddy.

Thank you, I've studied martial arts.

There is one moe piece of information you may like to have. (What?!) The police are coming in less than an hour.

Sorry, Sorry. A little accident prone. Sorry.

What's this about sir?

In this bag, there are six packages that I though our guests might find useful this evening.

Packages?

Presents, if you will. I'm a generous sort of fellow.

Are you?

Wadsworth, would you please see to it that each guest receives a gift?

Gladly

I'm putting that theory to the test.

You are?

If I didn't;t have to pay Wadsworth for his silence. "Wadsworth!?"

That's a lie!

He may look suave and charming...

Thank you.

But he's really conniving and manipulative.

False!

You called the police?

Only because HE instructed me to do so!

then I will eliminate your blackmail altogether and eliminate this terrible business once and for all.

You would never!

What a patriot.

After all I've done for you? He's a liar, I'm one of you! I'm not a butler, I'm an indentured servant!

It's Mr. Boddy!

Oh, thank goodness