Chp. 8a: Engagement, Weddings, and Institution of Marriage

Retreat from marriage is associated with:

• increases in employment of women

• smaller gender wage gaps in earnings

• persistent economic inequality between racial groups

• older age in first marriage

• continued divorce rates

• increases in cohabitation and non-marital births

Individualized marriage

Emphasize personal fulfillment and personal growth in marriage and expect that our spouses will facilitate such growth and be sources of unprecedented support.

Marital sanctification

A process through which one’s marriage is believed to be sacred, have divine character, and in which God is believed to be an active partner in the relationship.

Defense of Marriage Act

Denied federal recognition of same-sex couples and gave states the right to legally ignore gay or lesbian marriages.

Obergefell v. Hodges

2015 U.S. Supreme Court landmark decision that held that the Fourteenth Amendment guarantees the right to marry to same-sex couples

Endogamy

People usually marry others from within their same large group (nationality, ethnic group, socioeconomic status, etc.) because they share common assumptions experiences, and understandings.

Exogamy

Marry outside certain groups.

Homogamy

Tendency to choose a mate whose personal or group characteristics are similar to ours.

Heterogamy

Tendency to choose a mate whose personal or group characteristics differ from our own.

Religious homogamy

Has a stronger effect on marital quality

Interracial marriages

Found to be at greater risk of divorce

Success in black-white intermarriages may depend on the degree to which partners possess pride in their race/culture

Hypogamy

Marrying below your socioeconomic level

• men do this more often

Hypergamy

Marrying above your socioeconomic level

• women more often “marry up”

Marriage Squeeze

Gender imbalance reflected in the ration of available unmarried women and men.

Mating gradient

Tendency for women to marry men of higher status

Marital history homogamy

The tendency of individuals to marry or form unions with others who have a similar marital history

Residential propinquity

Tendency we have to select partners from a geographically limited locale.

Complementary needs theory

People select a spouse with different needs from their own.

Value/Role theory

People select a spouse that feels and thinks similar to how they do

Parental Image theory

People select a spouse similar to their opposite sex parent

Filter Theories

People choose partner based on a number of different factors that become more or less important (can change over time)

Stimulus-Role-Value Theory

Stimulus: Being attracted before interacting

Value: Weighing each other’s values, seeking compatibility

Role: Analyzing other’s behavior to determine how other person fulfills certain roles

Rocky and turbulent courtship

Periods of upset and anger - more typically experienced by “difficult” personalities and people who are exceedingly independent-minded

Sweet and undramatic courtships

Between people with good hearts - helpful, sensitive, gentle, warm, and understanding. Find enjoyment and pleasure in each other’s company

Passionate courtships

Plunging into love and having sex early in relationship - sharing far more affection that eventually fizzles out

Premarital factors

Background factors - level of education, race, parents marital status, etc.

Contextual factors - support and approval, freedom from pressures to marry, etc.

Individual traits - self-esteem, interpersonal skills, physical health, etc.

Couple characteristics - similar backgrounds, gender-role expectations, communication, etc.

Behaviors indicative of eventual breakup

• harsh startups to discussion (accusatory or negative)

• displays of the “four horsemen” (criticism, personal attacks on character, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling

• flooding (negativity is overwhelming - feeling “shell shocked”)

• failed repair attempts (one’s attempts to deescalate tension and conflict fail)

• bad memories (couple’s recall and describe their history with a negative view)

Difficulties in Engagement experience:

• gender role conflict

• idealization and disillusionment

• marital expectations

• self-knowledge

4 Types of Engaged Couples

• vitalized

• harmonious

• traditional

• conflicted

Types of Engaged Couples: Vitalized

Highest relationship quality, highly skilled in communication and conflict resolution

Types of Engaged Couples: Harmonious

Moderate relationship quality, higher level on intrarelationship/communication and lower on things in the future (i.e., children, parenting)

Types of Engaged Couples: Traditional

Low on intrarelationship, high on things in the future (expectations)

Types of Engaged Couples: Conflicted

Low on intrarelationship and things in the future

Engagement

• moving beyond dating

• more intimate relationship exclusively with one person

• moving up levels of commitment

• become more alike in attitudes, beliefs, and values

Purpose of Engagement

• gain better understanding of relationship

• enhance the chances of successful marriage

• define the goal of relationship in a public commitment

• think about the realities of life together

• move toward kinship with each others’ families

• strengthen the couple relationship

Wedding Customs

culture and time period based

customs are built into some cultures (rings, honeymoon, flowers)

Elopement

Non-traditional, intimate wedding experience focused on the couple, often with a small guest count (or no guests at all!). Is more common than ever

Reasons for eloping

• lower costs

• less time

• avoid family dynamics and family pressure

• focus on couple/each other

• avoid being center of attention

Institution of Marriage

A socially and legally recognized union between people, establishing rights, obligations, and a foundation for family and community stability

Nowhere in US is marriage allowed between

• parents and children

• grandparents and grandchildren

• Brothers and sisters

• Uncles and nieces

• Aunts and nephews

• 19 US states allow first cousins to marry

Benefits of marriage

• intimate bond

• economic well-being

• starting a family

• physical and mental health benefits

• personal happiness

Social causation

benefits are a result of marriage

Social selection

benefits are a consequence of the types of people that marry