STUART (STU) Bathroom Humor

I saw death.

God, What have I become? You don’t even realize you’re sinking until you hit rock bottom.

I’ve become a base animalistic waste of flesh.

There I was, standing on the roof singing Grateful Dead tunes with the moon and that little voice called to me Just one more step, Stuart. Just one more step.

I slowly lifted my foot to take that last long step.

And thank God I was so drunk I fell backwards and smashed my lampshade on the shingles.

That sobered me up.

And now I see things differently. I didn’t realize what I’d been putting in to my body. Until it all started coming out.

I smoked a burrito.

I ate plant food. I snorted bath soap. I’m not sure, but I think I ate kitty litter.

Look at this face.

I can’t believe I’m only 24. No more. I’m going to a gym. I’m going to church. I’m going to get my car inspected!

And Stuart, Monday morning, you’re checking in to a rehab.

Now wait a minute. Let’s not go that far. You’re standing here in a toga and a lampshade. You’re in no position to refuse.

Besides, think of all those young nurses.

I hope they make me turn my head and cough (laughs) I’m proud of you Stuart. Let’s go have a drink and celebrate.