BIRDS 1.3

Clark: This is my wife, Edith.

P: It’s a pleasure to meet you. Call me Pam.

(Edith can’t respond.)

John: I’m sure you tossed and turned all night.

Would anybody care for a drink?

Clark: How the hell do I make that?

Never mind, I’ll do it.

Fred: …You’ve alot to be proud of, Mrs. Newcomb.

Believe me, I am.

Fred: …wives political experts…

Pam: Whatever you say goes, darling.

Fred: Fine. Say the Soviets get a few chemical formulas. So what.

(Edith brings Pam the julep.)

Fred: We the people must have faith in the government. That’s what makes this crazy country work.

If you’re looking for the restroom it’s down the hall.

Fred…Right, Clark?

Clark: Right.

Another julep, Mrs. Hansen?

Fred: Oh, right. Sorry, ladies.

I’ve got to tell you something.

Clark: What is it?

Come to the kitchen-

Clark: I didn’t ask her to, okay—

(Edith starts leading Clark to the kitchen)

Daisy: Were you sweethearts?

Fred: No, not exactly.

Clark…

Pam: Where did you go to school?

Spotsylvania.

Pam: Then you’re a country girl. How charming!

Clark: …it doesn’t matter to me one bit.

Please come, it’s urgent-

Clark: …What was it called?

Goolrick’s

Clark: …an angel appears before me.

John?

John: Yeah?

Clark: …What did I order, darling?

When?

Clark: At Goolrick’s, when I first saw you.

A cheeseburger with pickle.

Pam: You don’t mind if I use your telephone, do you?

There’s an extension in the kitchen.

Fred: …get crackin’ then if we want a team to face up against yours!

(Edith enters)

Pam: …They’re watching Howdy Doody.

(Edith has been somewhat removed. Closing the curtains and such.)

Daisy: Is it true about the recruiting?

Fix me a martini, will you?

Daisy: Okay…how do I make that again? Gin and water?

(With a sigh) Never mind.

Clark: There’s enough room for a little league diamond, don’t you think? (There’s a clatter of glasses and bottles at the bar.)

(Edith rushes to the rescue. She fixes herself a martini.)

John: Okay, so where’s the cake and champagne?

(Utterly defeated.) In the kitchen, I’ll get it.