TPTGW High School Edition - Chris lines

TAYLOR: …note for the cast Winston is still missing, we need to find him before the guard dog scene-

Taylor! Taylor!

TAYLOR: Get her off so Chris can do her stupid speech- oop!

Leave it. Just leave it.

ANNIE: You need it-

We don’t have time.

SANDRA: Thank heavens she’s here.

What a terrible snowstorm. Good evening, I’m Inspector Carter. Take my case.

DENNIS: Yes, Inspector. (Seeing the body for the first time)

This must be Charley Haversham. I’m sorry. This must’ve given you all a damn shock.

SANDRA: It did, we’re all still reeling.

Naturally. Tell me, are any of you the deceased’s immediate family?

SANDRA: I’m Florence Colleymoore. I’m her fiancee. Tonight was our engagement party.

I take it everyone is assembled here?

RACHEL: Yes. The only other member of the staff is Arthur the gardener, but I saw him and Winston leaving for the weekend hours ago.

Winston?

RACHEL: His guard dog.

Very well. Have you poured everyone a stiff drink?

MAX: Well then let’s all raise a glass— to a woman we all loved, to Charley!

Charley! Delicious.

DENNIS: Flammable and corrosive, ma’am.

Listen! You all must be distraught, but forgive me, the sooner I can begin my enquiries— the sooner we can get to the bottom of this ghastly business. Miss Colleymoore, Mr. Haversham, please wait in the study as I examine the body.

DENNIS: Her stillness unnerves me.

Seeing a cadaver for the first time can be unsettling. Check her pockets, Mary.

RACHEL: Inspector.

I need you to pull yourselves together and help me to dust her body for fingerprints.

RACHEL: A letter?

Now to dust the body for fingerprints.

DENNIS: Breathing, ma’am—

Nonsense, Miss Colleymoore. This woman is dead. Thank you. Now that I have finished examining the body, perhaps you would take it down to service quarters for the coroner to collect in the morning.

DENNIS: Yes, Inspector. (dusting the body)

Miss Colleymoore and Mr. Haversham, if you could please return.

MAX: Any ideas to the cause of death, Inspector?

Could be a number of things. Strangulation, suffocation, poison. Before the coroner fully examines the body I wouldn’t like to say.

SANDRA: Poison, Inspector? Surely not.

Try not to think about it, Miss Colleymoore. As soon as I’ve… finished… I’ll speak to everyone individually and then you can get some space to calm your nerves.

SANDRA: Thank you, Inspector, this is all more than I can bear.

I shall return presently, as soon as we have called the coroner. Perkins, please lock all the doors and be careful carrying the body.

MAX: Don’t worry, Florence, just follow my lead.

I’m sorry to have kept you. …but now I have finished examining the body our interviews can proceed. Perkins! Bring in Charley’s personal effects.

DENNIS: Where would you like them, Inspector?

Set them down on the mantelpiece.

DENNIS: As you wish, Inspector.

Don’t go, Perkins. I’d like to ask you a few questions first. Mr. Haversham, Miss Colleymoore, if you’d be so kind as to give us a moment’s privacy.

MAX: Naturally.

Don’t just stand there Perkins, take a seat. Go ahead. How are you feeling, Perkins?

DENNIS: A little shaken, ma’am. But I’ll be fine.

You and Charley Haversham were close?

DENNIS: Yes ma’am, very close.

You don’t appear very upset.

DENNIS: On the contrary, I’ve barely taken it in. She was such a kindly, charming woman.

It’s true.

DENNIS: You met her?

Once at the local police station. She was a consultant on a fraud case I was working on.

DENNIS: I see.

How long have you been working at Haversham Manor?

DENNIS: Eighty years.

Eighty years?

DENNIS: Eight years! Eight years.

Eight years. And have you enjoyed your time here?

DENNIS: My time with Miss Haversham has been nothing but a joy. I feel that since I’ve come here I have been seen not only as a butler, but also as a friend and confidant. If you need me I’ll be in my quarters. Exits.

Exits! Thank you, Perkins! If you’d be so kind as to send in Florence Colleymoore on your way out.

SANDRA: No need, I’m already here. Don’t ask too much of me, Inspector, I feel fragile as glass.

At last, Miss Colleymoore, you managed to find me a pencil?

RACHEL: Yes… Inspector.

And my notebook? I’d knew I’d left them somewhere. I’m going to have to speak to your sister alone.

RACHEL: Very well. I’ll be in the library, Florence. Dennis!

Don’t fret, Miss Colleymoore, my questions will be brief and to the point and then you can get some rest. Firstly, how old are you, Miss Colleymoore?

SANDRA: Twenty-one.

I’ll make a note of that. And when were you engaged to be married?

SANDRA: In the new year.

And when did you and your fiancee first meet?

SANDRA: Only seven months ago, but my sister has known her since school. She introduced us at a local gala and it was love at first sight. I knew from the very first moment I saw her that she was the woman I wished to marry.

Ah, I’ve run out of paper.

SANDRA: When you love someone there’s no such thing as rushing, Inspector.

Did you ever think you were rushing into this marriage?

SANDRA: Why wouldn’t I love her?

Did you love her, then?

SANDRA: How could anyone have benefitted?

Can you think of anyone who might have benefitted from your fiance’s death?

SANDRA: Cecil?

Not even Cecil?

SANDRA: I wasn’t having an affair! Don’t raise your voice to me, Inspector!

You were having an affair!

SANDRA: Don’t tell me to calm down!

Calm down, Miss Colleymoore!

SANDRA: But where did you find it?

I found your letter; the one addressed to Cecil, written in your hand, declaring your love for him and saying that the thought of marrying Charley repulsed you.

SANDRA: Charley read it—

But where did you find it? I’ll tell you where I found it: in Charley’s pocket!

SANDRA: Charley read it?! Then it was suicide!

Indeed! Or a murder, conceived by yourself and Cecil Haversham so you could run away together.

MAX: What is this, Inspector?

I’m merely interviewing Miss Colleymoore, nothing more.

MAX: I’m sorry about her, Inspector, she’s badly shaken, we all are. It’s been— quite the night and it’s getting late.

Indeed. Eleven o’clock already.

MAX: Well do you have any questions for me, Inspector?

Yes, similar questions to those I asked Miss Colleymoore.

MAX: Fire away, Inspector, I’m at your service.

Indeed. You and your sister, did you get along well?

MAX: Up and down. There was rather more strain on our relationship when father died. And it was no secret that our father cared for Charley more than myself.

I see. This is your father in the portrait, is it not?

MAX: It is. (Dog portrait)

He was the spitting image of Charley, wasn't he?

MAX: She was ever since she was quite young, yes.

You were the junior by four years?

MAX: Almost four and I didn’t know it. Charley patronized and embarrassed me throughout our entire childhood. She always thought she knew best, and father always took her side. If she ever didn’t get her way, she was unbearable.

She sounds far from the ideal sister. In fact, it sounds like you hated one another.

MAX: I won’t lie, Inspector, Charley and I never truly saw— eye to eye! But if you’re suggesting I had something to do with her murder then you’re mistaken.

I see. It’s a dark night, Cecil.

MAX: Inspector! (it’s a dark night)

You can barely even make out the trees.

MAX: What are you saying, Inspector? (dark night outside)

I’m saying, Cecil, that tonight would be the perfect night for you to murder your sister.

MAX: Inspector, please, me and my sister had our differences, but deep down we cared for one another.

And yet you had an affair with her fiancee?

MAX: What on Earth gave you that idea?

This letter I found in Charley’s pocket from Miss Colleymoore to yourself.

MAX: You know about that? (the letter)

I do! As, it seems… did… Charley!

MAX: Well, bravo, Inspector! You’ve found out about Florence and I, but it proves nothing… she saw them together at tonight’s engagement party and she lost control and she lashed out at Charley. A crime of passion, perhaps, but there it is!

Thank you, Mr. Haversham, you’ve been most helpful. Thank you, Mr. Haversham!… you’ve been most helpful. Perhaps you could fetch Mary Colleymoore. I’m going to have to follow more than one line of enquiry at a time to get to the bottom of this.

MAX: At once, Inspector, anything to help the progress of your investigation.

Hang it all, Charley. Who could’ve killed you? Everybody under this damned roof seems guilty. That’s queer. There’s something underneath these cushions. A ledger? Ahh! A ledger! A ledger… with Charley’s initials inscribed on the cover. Let me see. Notes, bills… What’s this? A newly written last will and testament dated only today? Let me see… “I, Charley Haversham, hereby amend my last will and testament to leave my money, possessions and Haversham Manor to one…” Good Lord!

MAX: Inspector. Mary Colleymoore for you.

Thank you, Cecil, but before I question Miss Colleymoore I have some papers I’d like to review in Charley’s study. I shall return presently.

RACHEL: Inspector! Inspector! Where’s Inspector Carter? There you are, Inspector. I don’t know how you manage to look so calm and collected in a situation such as this.

It comes from years of experience.

RACHEL: Indeed. (years of experience)

It is important we remain calm and we don’t let each other out of our sight. Where’s your sister, Miss Colleymoore?

DENNIS: What’s happening, ma’am?

Isn’t it obvious? Cecil has lost control.

ANNIE: Oh no not Cecil.

He killed Charley tonight, driven mad by his lust for you and now he knows we’ve found him out.

ANNIE: I’m panicking. I can’t believe… Cecil-

Cecil!

RACHEL: Now we’re— Now we’re all going to survive tonight, you hear me?

Take cover!

ANNIE: Ay me!

Don’t panic, Cecil is crossing the landing. We must lock him out.

DENNIS: Here they are, ma’am. Here they are, ma’am.

Hand them to me quickly, Perkins, before Cecil bursts in-

TAYLOR: Found the Beyonce…

Time of death: quarter to mid… five o’clock.

ANNIE: How will I go on? Sobs.

You! Take this body outside.

RACHEL: I’ll lend you a hand, Perkins.

I’ve seen an awful lot in the twenty years I’ve been an Inspector. But two murders on one evening is certainly unusual.

ANNIE: Oh Inspector, my fiance and my lover killed on the same eve.

Remember your breathing, Miss Colleymoore, now is not the time for another of your episodes.

ANNIE: I am having an episode, Inspector. I cannot help it.

Have an episode. Have… an… episode. Have an episode. No, Miss Colleymoore.

DENNIS: That’s a good question, Miss Colleymoore.

…and one we need to answer quickly if we’re going to get out of this house alive.

ANNIE: Oh Inspector, you’ve given me a chill.

Perkins, pour us all another scotch.

DENNIS: Of course, Inspector. (pouring scotches)

Now, tell me, is there anyone else that you know of in the grounds other than the four of us?

RACHEL: The gardener left at six, the only other member of staff is Perkins. Good God, I needed that.

Does anyone have access to the grounds?

DENNIS: No one! YES! No one could’ve killed him, except for the people who are in this room.

Good god, you’re right, it’s one of us.