Chp. 13: Separation & Divorce

US divorce stats

• 1974: more marriages ended by divorce than by death

• divorce rates peaked in 1981

• approximately 35-45% of marriages end in divorce

Legal meaning of divorce: annulment

• Marriage is deemed to have never met the legal definition of marriage

• Not actually divorce, but the legal marriage is dissolved

Legal meaning of divorce: fault-based divorce

• A person blames his or her spouse for the failed marriage

• Commons reasons: adultery, cruel and inhuman treatment, mental cruelty, habitual drunkenness, and desertion

• some states don’t allow this

Legal meaning of divorce: no-fault divorce

• Divorce without blaming or accusing the other, or proving the other responsible for the failure of their marriage

• All states permit this (makes divorce easier to get)

Process of separation

• divorce isn’t a single event, it’s a process

• begins when one person (initiator) is unhappy and eventually decides they can no longer go on in the marriage

Separation distress

• is common for people experiencing separation and/or divorce

• can be lessened w/ social support w/ others

Establishing a post-divorce identity

• Making decisions about who you want to be

• Recovering from the divorce and whatever caused

Easiest divorce

No children and married for a short time

Stations of divorce: emotions divorce

When one or both spouses are disengaged from the marriage

Stations of divorce: legal divorce

• court-ordered termination of marriage

• not good for children

Stations of divorce: economic divorce

• economic property, money, and resources

• potential for alimony and child support

• high costs ($15,000 - $50,000)

• individuals who don’t like to lose (involve courts & hurts children most)

Stations of divorce: co-parental divorce

Dealing w/ issues of child of custody, visitation, and support

Stations of divorce: community divorce

• juggling of ex-in-laws and friends

• whole social world can change, some people may choose to only stay friends w/ one spouse (stigma)

Stations of divorce: psychic divorce

• when one feels like a separate individual

• not going back to pre-marriage self → moving forward

• new identity

Societal factors affecting divorce

Changed nature of family

• work moved from home/farm to factory/workplace making family a non-essential unit

Social integration

• degree of interaction between individuals and larger community has impact

Individualistic cultural values

• when society values individual happiness over family happiness → divorce is more likely

• stressful lifestyles

Demographic factors affecting divorce

Employment status

• low-status occupations have higher rates than high-status

Income

• higher family’s income → lower divorce rate

Educational level

• those w/ both the least and most education tend to have lower divorce rates

Ethnicity and race

• Black and African Americans have highest rates

• Asian women have lowest rates of 1st marriages

Religion

• high frequency of religious attendance lowers risk of divorce

Life course factors affecting divorce

Age at time of marriage

• younger one gets married, higher risk of divorce

• becoming pregnant or giving birth prior to marriage increase likelihood of divorce

Cohabitation

• has a variable effect on marriages depending on other factors

• doesn’t cause increased divorce as it once did

Remarriage

• rate for remarriages is higher than for first marriages

• blended families can be much more stressful

Intergeneration transmission

• person whose parent are divorced have greater odds of divorcing

Family processes factors affecting divorce

Marital happiness

• Low happiness in early years of marriage increase risk of divorce, but risk decreases as marriage continues

Children

• couples w/ children decrease risk of divorce (increased commitment related to family)

Marital problems

• Problems arise due to infidelity, alcohol or drug abuse, growing apart, in-laws, and communication troubles

• Proximal causes: experiences in daily life that raise the likelihood of divorce (low sex satisfaction, infidelity, etc.)

• Distal causes: background characteristics that people bring to marriage that increase likelihood of divorce (age at marriage, education, income, etc.)

Economic consequences of divorce: no fault divorce

Laws systematically impoverish divorced women and their children

• women don’t want to be dependent on their spouses

• Married men typically have greater earning capacity during marriage → make more money post-divorce than

• Women are typically given custody of children are responsible for economic support → have to take care of kids

Alimony

Monetary payment to former spouse to meet their economic needs

• restricted in some states

Child support

Monetary payment made by non-custodial parent to custodial parent to assist in child-rearing expenses

• often lack of actual payments of child support

Non economic consequences of divorce

• more psychological distress

• Poorer self-concepts

• Lower levels of psychological well-being

→ women: more social support

→ men: more prone to depression

• Lower levels of happiness

• More social isolation

• Less satisfying sex lives (not having sex with same person)

• More negative life events 

• Greater risks of mortality

Noneconomic positive consequences of divorce

• Higher levels of personal growth

• Greater autonomy

• Improvements in self-confidence (more common for women)

• Improvements in career opportunities (more common for women)

• Improvements in social lives (more common for women)

• Increased happiness (more common for women)

Children and divorce: intersecting factors

• age

• gender

• personality

• parent’s personality

• economic stability

Children and divorce

Divorce tends to impact children more strongly than adults and impacts can last throughout life course

• Are more bystanders of the process

• Some struggle in school, have behavioral problems, and face depression years later

• Possible impacts on outlook of relationships in general

→ attachment (insecure/ less trusting)

→ idea that all relationships fail

• Not all kids experience this (more variability)

Children and divorce: high conflict

Divorce is best for children when parents experience very high conflict

Children and divorce: Different experiences

Divorce is experienced differently by each family member

• Adults may experience relief

• Children and adolescents may experience increased stress/distress

• If children perceive that their life will be better post-divorce, they experience it not as negatively

Stage of divorce for children: initial crisis

• Very stressful, unhappy time of conflict following decision to separate

• Conflict can escalate

• Parents are coping and likely not spending as much time helping kids cope

• What parents say to children is very important (game-plan prevents triangulation)

Stage of divorce for children: transition about short-term after math

• Begins about year after separation → extreme emotional responses have diminished or disappeared

• Family has restructured → social and economic changes occurred

Stage of divorce for children: restabilization

• Stage lasts from the end of year 1 until about year 5

• Changes are a regular part of daily living

• New normal

Kid’s responses to divorce: younger children

• May experience wide range of emotions

• Blaming themselves - need to help them see it’s never their fault

• Some may blame themselves, one parent or the other, or other factors (display anger towards blamed parent)

Kid’s responses to divorce: adolescents

• Often find parental separation to be traumatic

• Time of identity development - can be very confusing

• Some blame both parents

• Many distance themselves from one or both parents

• Group is particularly upset when parents start dating again

• Peer and social support is very important

Kid’s responses to divorce: older children

• Also experience loss and confusion

• Maybe old anger that will surface

Healthy divorce

• stability and routines

• be respectful of ex

• communication is still important

• work on having strong co-parenting relationship

• keep kids out of mess

• seek out and utilize support system (cannot be kids)

• seek therapy for both self and children to have help w/ coping

Healthy divorce coming from family of divorce

• Learn about healthy relationships

• Consider therapy to work through how divorce has impacted you

• Move slowly into relationships to build trust