marple

yes.. well. hopefully hell have more to say later. And that…

ehem. **pause** ehEM. **pause** EHEM!

who has somehow solved over two dozen murders. I present to you, miss marple!

oh, dont bother with a spotlight for me. its too much trouble, and the bright lights hurt my cataracts.ill simply be in the back if you need me. i brought some knitting. (HOLD UP KNITTING NEEDLES)

i witness miss marple just this evening talking to madame doyle, moments before she entered the ballroom. And everything about their interaction piqued my interest…

My dear. Would you mind taking a sip of this and telling me if it tastes right? Im worried the grapes have turned.

…the Doyle estate and it is quite renowned. Let me have a sip.

(PUSH CUP BACK) Do get a good taste. I really want you to be sure. Im so old, im afraid my tongue doesnt work. (CHEEKY WINK AT AUDIENCE)

So confess! admit that you killed madame doyle! confess now!

Oh, dear. I see. If thats what you think, then ill just go ahead and confess. I really dont want to be a bother. I do have a cat that needs milk, but… im sure i can find someone to take care of her. if not, well… then im sure shell starve. but mittens will understand. shes like me, she doesnt want to be a bother.

okay, well…that was, uh, less satisfying than i thought it would be.

Oh, well dont be hard on yourself, youre doing the best you can.

solving crimes with their exceptional minds or their batsuits or whatever. its tough to compete.

Oh, i can tell youre a fine detective. And im sure your mother is very proud of you.

and i think shes mad at me!

(pull hankerchief from bosom, dab her eyes, and give it to her. then wait to take it back. shove it back in. then hold hands)

you dont really seem like the murdering type. you just seem like a sweet old lady.

oh, well isnt that nice of you to say. truth is, i never have committed an actual murder. so i suppose that makes sense.

what? but you just confessed.

No dear. I didnt. i just didnt want to disagree with you. you seemed so sure of yourself when you came in, so i said i did it. I just wanted to make things easier for you. you do seem like a nice person.

i cant arrest you if you didnt actually commit a crime.

Are you sure? im happy to go to jail for the rest of my life if it would make your life easier. Im sure i could get a lot of knitting done!

but if you know who did kill madame doyle, can you tell me that?

Oh…I…I dont know… (SCOOCH FORWARD IN CHAIR, ASHER HELPS GET UP, WALK LEFT SLOWLY)

by being in rooms, unnoticed, where people admit things they otherwise wouldnt

I suppose thats happened once or twice.

you have to tell me! what did you hear? what did you see?

(THINKING POSE + HMMM) Well, I suppose I did see one thing that struck me as odd.

yes?

Those college students. Who live in their van. I saw them just after the murder. I dont think they noticed me. most people dont. but what they said was… quite troubling. (ON LAST LINE LOOK OUT AND AROUND, THEN FREEZE FOR FLASHBACK)

Anyway, lets keep our mouths shut and out of jail. we can all do that, right? (all nod yes, wait for lights out then on)

People often mistake me for wallpaper because im so old. Which i understand. you young people are so busy. and frankly, im happy to be your wall. (WALK BACK TO CHAIR AND GET KNITTING NEEDLES TO LEAVE)

that i was not the only one who partook in murdering madame doyle. isnt that right, miss marple!

(STAND SLOWLY, WALK SLOW TO FRONT STAGE WHERE DETECTIVES ARE) Oh, dear. It appears Mr. Holmes has uncovered my dark little secret.

but you were so sweet! and unassuming.

But i was in the same predicament as mr. holmes. madame doyle wasnt just a fan of mine, she was blackmailing me too, something so shameful and secret that i would do anything to stop it from coming to light. its also the reason those rowdy teenagers agreed to help me. isnt that right, mystery crew? (LOOK TOWARD MYSTERY CREW)

its true. hes the one that reached out to us in the first place.

and convinced us to work together.

wait! stop. think about what youre doing! youre detectives! like us! youre not murderers!

I know that this is very upsetting. but sometimes change is necessary. and its amazing what you can discover about yourself when you try something new. all you need is a little… push!