CMN Unit 1 Exam

the four reasons to study interpersonal communication

1. its a skill you do every day

2. to improve your relationships

3. to be more successful in your career

4. to have better health

it’s a skill you do every day

can be better or worse at it, and you can improve (negotiating, conflict, etc. - more one on one) 

-interpersonal comm is a skill you can improve 

-have to go out and practice to get better 

-growth mindset 

to improve your relationships

with friends, family members, co-workers, romantic partners

to be more successful in your career

you advance more in job when you're good at conflict management and listening to others 

to have better health

-interacting with others does physiological things in your body (e.g. getting married) 

-can recover more quickly from stressful conversations 

what is the difference between communication and communications?

Communication:  

• More specific in media 

• Industry oriented: Journalism, advertising, broadcasting 

CommunicationS: (how you do the job) 

-this plays a role in when we are in a job interview 

communication

the study of how people create and share meaning

communicationS

the practice of producing and delivering messages through media 

are we studying communication or communications in this class? 

communication

if you are a major or minor, are you a communication or communications major/minor? 

communication

synchronous

interpersonal communication, like a conversation, call, facetime 

asynchronous

there is a delay, ex. Writing a letter, texting

impersonal

the interaction wouldn’t change depending on the person 

-Impersonal is with a starbucks barista,

2 definitions of interpersonal communication

situation and communication type

situation

Interpersonal communication is communication between two people 

-e.g.: two students talking to each other (ONLY TWO) 

-intrapersonal (between yourself) 

communication type

Interpersonal communication is communication of a certain closeness (you know the person SO well) 

-three best friends talking 

-family 

communication closeness can be described as a)

a continuum (meaning anywhere on a range-very low to very high): the range is Impersonal……Personal (Impersonal is with a starbucks barista, the interaction wouldn’t change depending on the person. Personal is when the barista is one of your best friends, communicating with someone that you wouldn’t with just anyone 

communication closeness can be described as B)

three levels: cultural, sociological and psychological

cultural level

impersonal

• in the US we shake hands to say hello, in Costa Rica they do a kiss on the cheek, people bow) 

-tailoring

-not interpersonal communication

tailoring

we change depending on the person 

sociological level

• group communication norm, tailoring to specific group, but still broad 

-e.g. Community of UIUC 

-in the middle of the continuum 

-not interpersonal comm 

psychological level

• you and specific individual have your personal way of communicating 

-inside jokes, when friend is sarcastic vs. serious, when parent is angry 

-communication is the closest it can be 

-personal on the continuum 

-interpersonal communication is psychological and on the personal continuum 

Which level and end of the continuum is considered “interpersonal communication” by this definition? 

it’s on the personal end of the continuum and is psychological

what are the 5 principles of interpersonal communication

purposeful

relational

irreversible

transactional

synchronous and asynchronous

purposeful

that it’s strategic and people have goals when they communicate

relational

comm and relationships are intertwined (calling family members, the way you communicate with people matters) 

irreversible

can’t say “i didn’t mean that” or “i take that back” when you communicate in a certain way we can only move forward 

transcational

i give you something you give me something back, when teacher lectures we give visual cues of laughing or sighing  

synchronus and asynchronus

interpersonal communication can be when we communicate simultaneously or that there is  delay.

What are 4 common misconceptions of interpersonal communication? Why are they wrong? 

1) everyone is an expert in communication

2) communication solves all problems

3) more communication is always better

4)successful communication = complete understanding

misconception interpersonal communication: everyone is an expert in communication

-hence why we overthink conversations or get embarrassed  

-all can improve 

misconceptions of interpersonal communication: communication solves all problems

-e.g. You and your roommate have a conflict, can communicate problem but there has to be a behavior that happens (not washing dishes to washing) 

misconception of interpersonal communication: more communication is always better

-communication is inherently good 

-more communication isn’t always better (e.g. arguing when you have different values) 

communication competence

communicating in ways that are effective and appropriate for a given situation 

effective

how well communication chiefs goals

appropriate

how well communication attends to rules and expectations of a social situation 

growth mindset

believing your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work (e.g. “failure is an opportunity to grow”,  “I can learn to do anything I want” 

matching hypothesis

we have a concept of our own attractiveness level, and we go towards people who are approximately the same level 

What are the two qualities that communication needs to be competent, according to the lecture definition? 

effectiveness and appropriateness

What are the 4 things you need to be a competent communicator? 

-knowledge

-experience

-motivation

-attitude

knowledge

understanding how to handle situations (e.g. getting tested on our lectures) 

experience

have to actually apply it (e.g. use what we learn in class within the real world) 

motiviation

motivated to use the knowledge + experience we have (e.g. professor worked at bar, when they sold shirts they make no tips because aren’t selling drinks 

attitude

it’s internal

two subcomponents of attitude

-attitude towards others

-attitude towards your self

attitude towards your self

growth mindset

growth mindset

believing your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work (e.g. “failure is an opportunity to grow”,  “I can learn to do anything I want” 

three interpersonal communication needs

-inclusion

-affection

-control

inclusion

we as humans want to be included (e.g. make eye contact with barista, it’s a form of social interaction) 

-extroverts feel sad when they don’t socialize but introverts don’t mind it 

affection

(all humans like to feel loved and appreciated) 

-some of us like more affection than others 

control

across relationships and within relationships - also setting boundaries 

what are the four interpersonal relationship wants?

-attractiveness

-similarity

-more rewards than costs

-reciprocal liking

attractiveness

matching hypothesis

similarity

draws us to people (people bond with those they’re similar too, when people mirror, or levels of affection) 

reciprocal liking

we feel good when people like us

matching hypothesis

we have a concept of our own attractiveness level, and we go towards people who are approximately the same level 

affinity-seeking

we do things to indicate we like a person and are seeking recipricol likeing 

seperate test

you seperate from the person / pull away - “do you miss the person, do they reach out”

triangle test

flirt with a third person and see how other respond 

endurance test

how much do you like me: you have a car “ would you be willing to drive me to o’hare”, will you go shopping with me. Other person wouldn’t do it, but they would do it for you 

5 coming together relationship stages

1. initiating

2. experimenting

3. intensifying

4. integrating

5. bonding

initiating

meet the person for the first time; have to interact 

experimenting

flirting stage

-afinity-seeking strategies

afinity-seeking strategies

• we do things to indicate we like a person and are seeking reciprocal liking 

-Gift giving: flowers, chocolates, buying a drink at a party, buying dinner for someone at a party (in some cultures they just buy women the dinner) 

-doing favors: holding the door open for someone, offer a ride, help them study 

-making best impression of yourself possible: might dress fancy 

intensifying

3. the “situationship” stage 

• Test the relationship  

test the relationship

-indirect suggestions (jokes)

-endurance test

-triangle test

-seperation test

indirect suggestion jokes

might say something like my friend saw us talking and walking together and thought we were dating - see the reaction 

integrating

form depp commitment

-could stay in this stage forever 

• Interdependence: what i do impacts other person and vice versa (coordinate schedules, friend groups mix) 

• “We” and “Us” language 

• Relational Symbols : have a go to song, photos, places, stuffed animals 

bonding

institutionalize your commitment (a formal, documented indication that you are tied together) 

-e.g. Signing a lease together, getting married, beneficiary, have a kid together; birth certificate, merging bank accounts, adopting a pet together 

For example, in which stage do we try to demonstrate how we fulfill the 4 interpersonal relationship wants? 

experimenting

What is the order of the 5 relationship stages of coming apart? 

6. differentiation

7. circumscribing

8. stagnating

9. avoiding

10. terminating

differentiation

remembering that were different people 

-having our own hobbies 

-go out with our own friends 

circumscribing

“we’re fighting”  

• Restrict communication: don’t tell them all your thoughts 

-safe topics: what we ate for dinner 

-less intimate feelings 

-less self-disclosure 

• Disagreements 

• If you stay in this stage for a long time- “I just don't feel like we talk to each other anymore” 

stagnating

Doubting the relationship 

• expectation of unpleasant talk, “do I still want to be with this person” 

• spend less time together since it isn’t a pleasant experience 

• avoid each other in public 

avoiding

“we’re separated” but technically still together 

• Interaction becomes painful 

• Avoid each other in public and private 

-e.g. Drive separate cars, don’t show up to events together 

• Separate rooms 

• Trial separation 

terminating

you have a break up conversation, acknowledge relationship is over 

which stages are the maintenance stages

integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing

paraphrasing

checking your interpretation by summarizing the message in your own words

-helps you understand what you’re doing

pseudolistening

using feedback behaviors to give the false impression that one is listening

glazing over

splitting time between listening and day dreaming

what communication skill do we spend the most time doing?

listening

what are the aspects of the HURIER model of listening

H= Hearing  

U= Understanding (comprehending- do I know the definition of the words they are using)  

R= Remembering (retain what someone says to you) 

I= Interpreting (perspective taking - if I were them, why would I be saying this? What would I be feeling) - put yourself in their shoes 

E= Evaluating (evaluate the situation from your perspective) e.g. if someone says something “i didn’t think about it I just agreed” now that I think about it I should take a step back 

R=Responding (verbal & non verbal = verbal response or nonverbally make eye contact) 

what are the four steps of paraphrasing

1. Wait until they are done talking  

-no interrupting 

2. Start with saying you’re paraphrasing 

-”what I heard you say was…” 

-”let me summarize what I should do to make sure I got it right.” 

3. Restate, don’t repeat  

-in your own words  

4. Ending with a “did I get that right” question 

three guidlines for effective listening

1. be present both physically and mentally

2. efficiently use the difference between speech rate and thought rate

3. consider what your partner is thinking and feeling

be present both physically and mentally

-your nonverbals are matching your attention

-pseudolistening

efficently use the difference between speech rate and thought rate

-speed at which a person speaks, we can think faster than others can speak 

-glazing over:

consider what your partner is thinking and feeling

-this is the I= Interpreting step in the HURIER model 

4 barriers to listening

1. noise

2. information overload

3. message complexity

4. self-absorption

noise

external noise (noisy), can also be an internal state (preventing you from focusing e.g. you’re super hungry, or tired, caught up about an issue)

information overload

quantity of information is too much, you get cognitively tired 

message complexity

type of information (takes all of your focus to pay attention), e.g. speaking a diff language can be tiring

self-absorption

focus on ourselves, main character, e.g. instead of listening to person in argument you’re already planning what you’re going to say next 

-e.g. Stop paying attention until topic you're intrigued in is mentioned 

small talk

the polite, causal conversations that often focuses on unimportant or trivial topics 

-sall talk is culturally situated

free information

the extra information that suggests further conversation topics

open ended questions

not restricted to predefined choices. E.g. hows your day 

close-ended

have limited set of 1-2 word answers, not just yes / no  

e.g. what your name, where you’re from, what’s your major 

3 cultural dimensions

1. collectivism-individualism

2. low context-high context

3. weak uncertainty avoidance - strong uncertainty avoidance

-U.S. in the middle of this

collectivism

• society sees the group as more important than the individual, emphasizes the group. E,g, family, nation, work / colleagues 

-peru, china, indonesia 

-you insult yourself and others bring you up (my food is bad and others compliment you) 

-relational harmony and conformity to group norms and obligations 

individualism

• emphasizes the individual 

-bragging about yourself 

-personal goals and identities 

*What is the main guide for an individual's behavior? In the U.s. We are individualism 

low context

• Low context: meaning is directly stated 

• In the united states we’re low context 

• Low context and individualism tend to be connected