fear, floss, and mixed emotions script

Hello there and thank you for calling…

Daphne could you give me a hand for a quick second there seems to be a slight problem.

What is it Dr. Matthews?

Could you please hold this while I drill a hole in this man’s tooth, thank you.

WOW I hope that person is all right!!

Oh no! Oops! (Patient screams) Daphne hand me some gauze and tape please. See now that wasn’t so bad was it?

Ah suck it up buttercup!!

Daphne! That is no way to talk to a patient! Now here you go sir take these three times a day for two weeks and after they are done come back to see me for a quick check-up. (Both DAPHNE and DR. MATTHEWS walk out).

Is that guy okay?

Oh ya he’s fine he’s just…uh…uh….

A PIRATE!!! Ya that’s what he is (Closes one eye and shapes finger into a hook) ARG!!

Wow that was close! Anyway, about what you said to the patient, how many times do I have to tell you to stop harassing the patients? If you ever want to move up from being an intern to a dentist then you have to be nice to them!

First of all, the patients need to suck it up they’re all such babies, secondly I like to view myself as an apprentice and I intend to learn the ways of the floss.

Daphne, Daphne you must understand that when people come to the dentist they are often very nervous to begin with -  I mean did you see the size of the drill we had to order last week? That thing was huge! It alone could even have made Chuck Norris run for cover.

Well I guess you’re right if I want to learn the proper ways of the floss, then I guess I should be a bit more supportive.

That’s all I ask. Oh and by the way, (Whispers) we have a very special client coming in today so I would appreciate it if you don’t go crazy when he comes in - I know he is one of your favourite actors.

Well if you mean Warren Evans who acted in (Looks into space) Wars in the Stars Episode 3: Revenge of the basement nerds… (Points at Warren) then he’s right over there. His manager checked him in a few minutes ago…

He’s here! Already?? (Looks at WARREN) Oh my gosh it is you! You look so different in real life! (Walks to centre stage) I told myself I wouldn’t get myself too worked up but…(She begins the scream and “go crazy”)…. okay I’m calm, I’m calm (Walks back over to Daphne who has her arms crossed).

Hypocrite (Sits back down at her desk)

(Panting then leans up against desk) I think I need some water I’ll be back momentarily (Walks over to TYSON and WARREN) Well I have to go…um…get some…um…dental supplies so I’ll be back shortly (Quickly walks off stage)

I see...

Well I’m back sorry for the wait. You can come in now Mr. Evans.

Well, when I was but a young child, I had a small cavity that had to be drilled out. The dentist tried the drill, but couldn’t drill through my superior teeth. So they just gave me another appointment later; little did I know it was just so they could order the “heavy-duty” dental drill just for me! It was like they shoved a jackhammer into my mouth! I never liked dentists anymore after that.

Well that is absolutely horrible. We would never do any such thing right Daphne?

LASER DRILL?!?

Uh-umm (Looks at DAPHNE) she means the new super accurate drills with laser pointers, to ensure the utmost comfort for all of our patients... eh-heh.

Hmm I see. Thank you for that very valuable piece of information. (Stands up) Now that I have what I want, it is time to do something I have wanted to do for a long time (Rips off wig and moustache but realizes how much it hurt) Ouch! (Clears his throat) Anyways, it is I! Tyson Jones! Warren Evans’ arch-nemesis actor! (WARREN stands up)

Well that was a dramatic twist!

I could have never seen that coming, it’s just like in the movies!

We should go get some popcorn. Ironically, I brought some today.

All right then lets get it.

(Steps between TYSON and WARREN) We will be right back (Points finger at them) so don’t do anything until we return!

Yes it has been good.

Okay you may continue.

Wow that was just like the scene from….

Sshh! Just watch. It just reached the climax in the story!

Bravo! That was very entertaining!

Okay Warren, are you sure you’re ready to come in now? I promise it won’t hurt a bit.

I have to go in now that’s my favourite type of chocolate

(Looks at DAPHNE) Wow good bribing technique. (Looks back at WARREN) Come on in Warren we have a seat all ready for you.

Daphne my young intern - I mean apprentice, I am very proud of you this means you are on step closer to learning the ways of the floss.

Yes sir I have a great story about how Warren Evans is… (Turns to see WARREN has gone into the dentist’s office) Wait no never mind I will call you back later, darn I almost got him. Maybe if I wait he might come out screaming like a girl. (Hangs up the phone and takes camera out)

(From backstage) Well Warren it looks like you have a small cavity in one of your teeth. It looks like I have to put a filling in.

(From backstage) Will it hurt… Wait, what’s that a drill?! No not again!!!

(From backstage) Don’t worry, just close your eyes and it will be over soon.

Oh! I can’t wait to tell this story to the press!

(From backstage) There all done!

Well just because you got away this time does not mean I will not be watching for another mistake. I will get you eventually mister perfect and your stupid chocolate bar too! (TYSON runs off stage)

Well that was certainly an interesting day. (Takes her lab coat off, grabs her purse that is under the desk; DAPHNE does the same)

That’s for sure (They begin to walk out but the stop). Oh darn!!

What’s wrong?

After all this time of Warren Evans being in my presence, I forgot the most obvious thing to ask him (They continue to walk off stage then exit completely).

(From backstage) What’s that?