FMST 314 Conflict

conflict

when one person’s wishes or actions obstruct/impede another person’s wishes or actions

criticism

attacking a person’s character instead of their behaviour

attributional conflict

arguing about who’s right and wrong instead of the core issue

illegitimate demands

asking for somethign unreasonable/unfeasible

rebuffs

expecting a specific supportive response but not getting it

cumulative annoyances

minor irritations that build over time until they trigger a blow-up

natural relationship tensions (dialectics)

• autonomy vs connection

• openness vs privacy

• stability vs change

• integration vs separation

personality traits effect on conflict

• high neuroticism → impulsive reactions

• low agreeableness → less cooperative

• low conscientiousness → less perspective-taking

attachment style effect on conflict

anxious and avoidant couple is especially volatile

life stages and stressors effect on conflict

major changes increase tension, eg: having children

similarity effect on conflict

opposite conflict styles can lower compatibility

demand-withdraw pattern

one partner pressures while the other avoids, which often escalates

competing conflict style

• high concern for self

• low concern for others

• want to win at all costs

avoiding conflict style

• low concern for self

• low concern for other

• want to avoid conflict altogether

accommodating conflict style

• low concern for self

• high concern for other

• give in because they think the fight is not worth it

compromising conflict style

• moderate concern for self

• moderate concern for other

• meet halfway and compromise

collaborating conflict style

• high concern for self

• high concern for other

• try to find a solution that wins for both, not just a compromise

emotional intelligence - role in conflict

• self-awareness

• self-management

• social awareness/empathy

• relationship management

separation

withdrawing without conclusion

domination

one person gets their way completely

compromise

both give something up to reach a middle ground

integrative agreements

creative solutions to try and satisfy both partner’s goals

structural improvements

lasting positive changes in behaviour/communication as a result of resolving this conflict

dialectics

tensiosn between opposing needs or desires (eg: autonomy vs connectino) that naturally create strains in relationships

negative approach reciprocity

the tendency for partners to respond to each other’s negative behaviour with more negativity

flooding

becoming emotionally overwhelmed during conflict, which makes constructive communication difficult

voice

actively and constructively trying to improve a relationship during conflict, eg: discussing problems, seeking solutions

loyalty

passively waiting for things to improve without taking action

neglect

passively allowing a relationship to deteriorate by avoiding dealing with problems

exit

actively harming the relationship or leaving it altogether

validators

discuss conflicts calmly, showing mutual respect and empathy

volatile couples

have frequent, passionate arguments but also display high affection and fondness

avoiders

rarely argue, try to avoid confrontation altogether

hostiles

conflicts are full of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, negativity - marriages tend to be unstable

speaker-listening technique

a structured method for discussing difficult topics that ensure each partner takes turn speaking and listening without interruption