Anger and Assertiveness

What is anger?

a natural and adaptive response to (real or perceived) threats- necessary for survival

What is fear?

it assesses for flight

What is anger?

adrenaline for flight.

______ and ______ are the same physiological response as in anxiety and stress.  

Fear, Anger

True/False: Most people are aware of the anger continuum.

False

What are the three categories of anger?

Passive anger, Self-inflicted anger, and Volatile anger

What is Passive anger?

this type of anger doesn’t always come across as anger and can be difficult to identify

What is self-inflicted anger?

this type of anger is directed toward the self and may be caused by feelings of guilt (depression).

What is volatile anger?

this type of anger involves sometimes- spontaneous bouts of excessive orviolent anger

When do you need to be looking for hidden anger?

When someone is passive or overwhelmingly positive

List some things that you can look for in hidden anger

Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks

Perpetual or habitual lateness

Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.

Frequent sighing Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness and smiling while hurting

Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams

Over-controlled, monotone speaking voice

Excessive irritability over trifles

Clenched jaws or grinding of teeth while sleeping.

Chronic stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.

Ulcers

what are some physical signs of immediate anger?

Clamming up

Blushing

Shortening of breath

Drumming with fingers

Foot tapping

Blinking or twisting

Laughing when nothing amusing is happening

Patting or stroking the back of the head

Clenching jaws or fists

Tucking a thumb inside a fist

Yawning or getting drowsy

Suddenly refusing eye contact with another person

Fidgeting Apologizing when none was asked for

A surge of pain in the neck

Gut or back pain

Sudden headache

A rise in voice pitch

What is the real problem with angry people?

they don’t know how to get their point across

How can most anger be managed effectively?

by learning to be assertive

What are the four types of behavior?

Passive, Aggressive, Passive Aggressive, Assertive

What is passive “non assertive” behavior?

Passive- “stuffing your feelings”

A non-assertive person is one who puts the rights of others before his own or minimizing his own self worth.

What this suggests to others: My feelings are not important. I don’t matter. I think I’m inferior.

Verbal styles: apologetic, overly soft or tentative voice.

How do you define “passive”?

stuffing your feelings

What does a non-assertive person do?

puts the rights of others before his own or minimizing his own self worth

What is passive (non assertive) body language?

Lack of eye contact; looking down or away.

Swaying and shifting of weight from one foot to the other.

Whining and hesitancy when speaking.

Recipient’s Feelings of Himself: guilty for taking advantage, or superior

Recipient’s Feelings Toward Passive Person: irritation, pity, disgust

What are potential consequences of passive non assertive behavior?

Lowered self esteem;

anger at self;

false feelings of inferiority;

disrespect from others;

pitied by others.

What is aggressive behavior?

“Aggressive – spewing anger at whomever is in the path

An aggressive person stands up for his rights but he or she violates the rights of others.

What this suggests to others: the target’s feelings are not important, the target doesn’t matter, the aggressor is superior.

Verbal Styles: “You” statements, loud voice, points fingers

What is aggressive behavior body language?

Leaning forward with glaring eyes.

Pointing a finger at the person to whom you are speaking.

Shouting.

Clenching the fists.

Putting hands on hips and wagging the head.

Recipient’s feelings of Himself: Hurt, Humiliated

Recipient’s feelings toward Aggressor: Angry, Vengeful

What are some potential consequences of aggressive behavior?

Guilt, anger from others, lowered self esteem, disrespect from others, feared by others.

What is passive aggressive anger?

Acting out on aggressive impulses in an indirect way

Use of manipulation, guilt to accomplish a goal

Indirect attempt to control and punish

Minimize the other’s experience

“So, I was a little late with my part of the project. Didn’t we get it in on time anyway?” “Oh, don’t bother. I’ll figure out a way to do it myself.”

what is the definition of Passive Aggressive?

being misleading instead of stating feelings openly.

What is the definition of assertive behavior?

“I win; you win”

An ____ person stands up for his rights while maintaining respect for the rights of others.

Implications to others: we are both important, we both matter, I think we’re equal.

Verbal Styles: “I” statements, firm voice.

What is assertive behavior body language?

looking direct, relaxed posture, smooth and relaxed movements.

Recipient’s feelings toward himself: Valued, Respected

Recipient’s feelings toward Asserter: Generally respected

What are some potential consequences of assertive behavior?

higher self esteem, self respect, respect from others, respect of others.

What is assertiveness training and what does it teach?

Teaches the person to ask for what he or she wants directly: Indirect ways of asking for what you want may not be understood.

Teaches how to use assertive body language.

Teaches how to say “NO.”

Teaches how to use “I” statements

Teaches how to respond to criticism

Teaches when to be assertive.

How do you create assertive body language?

Stand straight, steady, and directly face the people to whom you are speaking while maintaining eye contact.

Speak in a clear, steady voice - loud enough for the people to whom you are speaking to hear you.

Speak fluently, without hesitation, and with assurance and confidence.

How can you say ‘NO’?

Basic principles to follow: brevity, clarity, firmness, and honesty.

Begin your answer with the word "NO" so there is no opportunity for miscommunication.

Do NOT give a long explanation.

Be honest, direct and firm.

“No, I cannot attend your party but I appreciate your invitation.”

What should you NOT say when being assertive?

“I’m sorry but…”

When should you discuss conflict?

a. after the anger has passed and you are CALM

b. as soon as you feel the anger building

c. when you are getting overwhelmed

a. after the anger has passed and you are CALM

What should you say to express your emotions?

a. You always leave your mess lying everywhere.

b. You never tell me how you’re feeling.

c. I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t heard or acknowledged.

c. I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t heard or acknowledged.

When both of your needs are pressing, use ________.

a. conflict management

b. assertiveness

a. conflict management

When your needs are more pressing than the other person’s, use ______.

a. conflict management

b. assertiveness

b. assertiveness

How do you handle a child’s anger?

Acknowledge anger. Reassure. Redirect.

Offer way to regain control of emotions that will not be embarrassing.

For anger over not getting his or her way, redirect attention to another positive target.