Interpersonal Behavior Topic 5: Romantic Relationships and Attraction

Fundamental basis of attraction

We like people who reward us, either directly or indirectly

Proximity and Romantic Relationships

• We like those who work/live near us more

• Proximity makes people more likely to interact

Exposure and Romantic Relationships

• Increased exposure increases our liking for someone

• People living closer to each other like each other more (also dislike each other more)

• People like women the more they visit their classrooms

Perceptions of physically attractive people

• People think attractive people have other good, but unrelated characteristics like kindness, sociability

• Attractive people earn more money, and attractive professors get higher student ratings

• Infants stare more at attractive people

• Automatic thought across cultures

Physical attractiveness in women

• Hourglass figure (waist to hip ratio of 0.7)

• Large eyes

• Small nose

• Full lips

• Prominent cheekbones

• Men prefer women with longer hair

• Men say looks are more important

Physical attractiveness in men

• Waist to hip ratio of 0.9

• During fertility, strong jaw and broad forehead

• Other times: warmer features

• Women prefer men with a shaved head (perceived as more dominant)

• Women are attracted to intelligence- men tend to use more elaborate vocab to impress women

Universal features of physical attraction

• Proportional and symmetrical faces

• Men and women find people more attractive when wearing red

• Looks have the strongest effect on attraction

Impact of culture/economics on attractiveness

• Heavier women are perceived as more attractive when the economy is struggling

• Looks matter more to people near the equator

Similarity and Attraction

• We like people if we see ourselves in them (i.e., people are more likely to fall in love with similar names)

• Also similar with age, sex, race, education level, attitudes, BUT NOT PERSONALITIES

• Perceptions of similarity is more important than actual similarity

• Half of all spouses live within a mile of each other before marriage

• People years into friendships/relationships think they’re more similar than they actually are

• Dissimilarity can decrease over time

Long Distance Relationships

• Couples have longer and more personal convos, tend to be more positive and avoid touchy subjects (tend to have a more idealized image)

• Reunions tend to be stressful due to renegotiating roles and autonomy

  • 1/3 break up 3 months after reunification

Do women or men report having a more attractive partner?

Men

Attractive people and Relationships

• Attractive people tend to have more social skills and be less lonely since they are more popular

• Less stable marriages, high divorce rate

• People tend to lie to attractive people, making them less trusting

• Attractive people believe praise more from people who do not know what they look like

Matching

Tendency for partners to have similar attractiveness

• Does not apply to people who were friends first

Formula affecting the start of a relationship

Desirability = attractiveness * probability of acceptance

Mate value

Attractiveness of a reproductive partner

• Shy people tend to pursue less desirable partners

• People can have similar mate value but very different assets

  • Men want women who can reproduce

  • Women want men who can provide

Selectivity and Attraction

• People who say yes to everyone during speed dating are less liked, as are people who say no

• Selectively hard to get works best

Stimulus value theory

3 types of info we learn as we meet people

1. Stimulus (age, sex, looks)

2. Value (beliefs)

3. Roles (roles in parenting, careers, housework)

Fatal attractions

When what initially attracted you to someone becomes the most annoying thing about them

Do women or men care more about their partners financial status?

Women

Whose social lives do looks affect more?

Men

Matching principle

People are matched based on attractive and social experience/status

Balance theory

We prefer symmetry and consistency in relationships

Do similarities in roles matter?

Not all, but housework and gender roles do

• Couples sharing tend to be content

Secure attachment style

• Children who receive responsive care

• High self-esteem and trust

• Low anxiety of abandonment, low avoidance of intimacy

Anxious attachment style

• Children who received inconsistent care

• Low self-esteem, high trust

• Low avoidance of intimacy, high abandonment anxiety: desires a relationship but feels unworthy

Avoidant attachment style

• Children who were raised by strict parents who rejected basic needs and expected independence

• Tend to have commitment issues

• High self-esteem, low interpersonal trust

• Tend to reject the other person at some point to avoid rejection

• Low anxiety of abandonment, high avoidance of intimacy

Disorganized attachment style

• Could have been raised by inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive parents

• Low self-esteem and interpersonal trust

• High anxiety of abandonment, high avoidance of intimacy

• Inconsistent and contradictory behavior

When do opposites attract?

When they’re complimentary

• Working to achieve the same goal

Universal desired traits in partners

Different in long vs short-term relationships

• Warmth

• Loyalty

• Attractiveness

• Vitality

• Status

• Resources