HDFS 1060 Midterm Exam

First impression

takes milliseconds to form
allow us to immediately stereotype and categorize others
create the foundation for future expectations

Confirmation Bias

selectively perceive and emphasize what we already thought was true (not what proves us wrong)

Primacy Effect

first information we get about someone has the most weight on our judgements

Accuracy of judgements

people are typically overconfident in their beliefs about others
does NOT increase over time, but confidence that you're right does
existing beliefs are influential at every stage of relationships

Positive illusions

balance of idealism and reality is best however we emphasize our partner's strengths (leave weaknesses and flaws in the shadows)
makes us feel good about ourselves, more committed, self fulfilling prophecy

Idealizing partners

we bend our expectations to fit reality (shape our expectation to fit what we have so we become content with the person we are with)

Attributions

why we think people do the things they do
give characteristics to behavioral motivations

4 types of attributions

internal vs. external
stable vs. unstable
controllable vs. uncontrollable
global vs. specific

actor/observer effects

they generate different explanations for their own behavior than they do for the similar actions they observe in their partners

Attributional patterns

relationship-enchancing
distress-maintaining

relationship-enhancing

you are getting the best possible interpretation of someone's behavior

distress-maintaining

bad things are internal, good things are external and unstable

P space

little daily small things (good or bad)

Q space

overall satisfaction with relationship

Reconstructive memory

we are constantly rewriting and revising our memories based on what is happening to us now (the past influences the present and vice versa)

Dysfunctional "Destiny" beliefs

disagreements are destructive
mind reading is essential
partners cannot change
sex should be perfect every time
men and women are different
great relationships just happen

Self-concept vs. self-esteem

who you think you are vs. when you add the value on to that

self-enhancement

we like to be flattered (from casual friends)

self-verification

we like to confirm that our self-concept is right

marriage shift

the closer the relationship, the more we want self-verification

ingratiation

the kiss up to the extreme, you flatter the other person
positive impression management
more common for women

self-promotion

promoting yourself (more common for men)
positive impression management

intimidation

taking self-promotion but making it angry, threatening the other person
negative impression management

supplication

whiney version of ingratiation ("can you help me with my homework because you're so good at it")
negative impression management

nonverbal communication

all of the things people do EXCEPT for spoken language
far more impactful to how we interpret messages than verbal communication

object communication

a wedding ring, a uconn jersey, putting a backpack on a chair all communicate something

facial expression

crying, smiling, cheeks : virtually universal

display rules

when and where we should show expressions to display our emotions are culturally regulated

micro-expression

a brief, involuntary facial expression shown on the face of humans according to emotions experienced

paralanguage/vocalics

pitch in your voice, speed, accent

kinesics

body movement or body language
gestures, postures, movement, waving, flipping someone off, raising your hand

haptics

the use of touch to communicate

proxemics

closeness, personal space, depends on your relationship and interaction you are trying to have

chronemics

perceptions and the use of time

kitchen-sinking

list everything that is wrong all at once
get annoyed by one behavior and then rant off everything
dysfunctional communication

drifting off-beam

counter arguments

mindreading

you don't have to finish because I know what you're going to say (leads to interrupting)

other dysfunctional communication

interrupting, yes-butting

cross-complaining

answer with a complaint about other's behavior

Four horsemen

criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling

effective communication

never say never (or always)
I-statements
XYZ statements
active listening (paraphrasing, perception checking)
validate your partner

Triangle Test

you create an artificial love triangle, can you trust them to be faithful?

Endurance test

how much effort is this person going to put in to see me? We won't call them and see how long it will take for them to call us

Separation test

Does it matter when i'm gone and are you happy to see me? do you miss me?

Communication patterns (men)

discuss more impersonal objects and actions, seek humor instead of support/counsel, be more direct and confident, self-disclose less to same sex

Communication patterns (women)

discuss feelings, personal matters, gossip, more indirect and tentative, do less of the talking with opposite sex, self-disclose more

rewards

the gratifying experiences and commodities we obtain through our contact with others

outcomes

rewards - costs

costs

punishing and undesirable experiences

comparison levels

the value of the outcomes that we believe we deserve in our dealing with others (measure our satisfaction of the relationship)

Comparison level for alternatives

use this to determine if we could do better somewhere else

proportional justice

each partner gains benefits from that relationship that are proportional to his or her contributions
you get what you give

Happy-stable

outcome is higher than both CL and CLalt

unhappy-stable

outcome is higher than CLalt but lower than CL

happy-unstable

outcome is higher than CL but lower than CLalt

unhappy-unstable

outcome is lower than both CL and CLalt

How do rewards change over time?

go down in unsuccessful relationships
go up in successful relationships

how do costs change over time?

eventually decline in successful relationships
start high and stay higher in unsuccessful relationships

How does our CL change over time?

usually rises over time, while our outcomes usually drop
however we're being treated becomes how we expect to be treated

exchange relationships

people do favors for others expecting to be repaid by receiving comparable benefits in return

communal relationships

the partners feel a special concern for the other's well-being, and they provide favors and support to one another without expecting repayment

actual equity

changing your (or your partner's) contributions and outcomes

psychological equity

changing your perceptions of the relationship and convincing yourself it really is equitable after all

abandon the relationship (equity)

leave to seek fairness

personal commitment

when people want to continue a relationship because they are attached to their partners and the relationship is satisfying

Constraint commitment

people feel that they have to continue a relationship because it is too costly for them to leave

moral commitment

feel they ought to continue the relationship because it would be improper to end it and break their promises or vows

friendship vs. romance

have the same building blocks but different components
love is more complex, includes fascination, sexual desire, greater exclusiveness, results in spending more time together

elements of friendship

respect, trust, responsiveness, capitalization, social support

social support

emotional, advice, material, and invisible

friendship in infancy

babies prefer familiar people over strangers (stranger/separation anxiety)

friendship in early childhood

increase in associate and cooperative play
playmates take on stable characteristics, start to use the label "friends"
still based on enjoyment of similar activities rather than personality

friendship in middle childhood

shift to similar attitude/interests and personality traits

friendship in adolescence

friendships aid in movement towards "coupledom"
decreased time spent with family
often contain both conflict AND closeness

friendship in young adulthood

key is search for intimacy
evolution and re-invention of friendships

friendship in midlife

less time with friends, more with partner (dyadic withdrawal)
focus on family of procreation
increase in shared "couple friendships"
further decline in opposite-sex friendships

friendship in old age

less sociable than younger individuals
barriers perspective, disengagement perspective, socioemotional selectivity perspective

types of cross-sex friendships

mutually platonic
romance
rejection
mutually romantic

shyness

you feel awkward and hesitant in social situations
experience low self esteem, feel that they will be judged negatively, expect worse or avoid interaction
create self-fulfilling prophecies

loneliness - social isolation

have friends and they went home for the weekend and now you're alone (number of people)

loneliness - emotional isolation

no close friendships or best friends (quality and depth of connections)

what causes loneliness?

"inadequate" relationships
interpersonal behaviors

coping with loneliness

address your pessimism and be rational
remember to consider the situation and its not just you
be active, not passive and double check your goals

Sternberg's love triangle

intimacy, passion, commitment

non-love

no I, P, or C

infatuation

only P

liking

only I

romantic love

I and P

companionate love

I and C

fatuous love

P and C

empty love

only C

consummate love

I, P, and C

romantic love over time

tends to decline consistently over time
reality replaces fantasy, novelty wears off, arousal declines over time

companionate love over time

tends to be more stable and increase over time
this is what keeps marriages together

the fourth dimension

caring - empathy, looking our for best interests
very giving kind of love

Eros

being erotic, all about the physical, hard time with distance relationships

ludus

think of love as a game

storge

friendship, whats them to be their friend first and want close understanding

mania

lots of drama, lots of ups and downs, territorial

agape

sense of duty and obligation, "should" form of commitment, very selfless