Mizzou HDFS 1610 Exam 3 Study Materials on Conflict Styles and Relationship Dynamics

Intimacy

feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding with another person. It encompasses emotional support, trust, and a sense of sharing.

Passion

the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. It includes the intense feelings and arousal associated with love.

commitment

the decision to maintain a long-term relationship with someone. It encompasses both the short-term decision to love someone and the long-term commitment to that love

Nonlove

Low intimacy, low passion, low commitment. Example: Casual acquaintances.

Liking

1. High intimacy, low passion, low commitment. Example: Close friendships without romantic feelings.

Infatuation

Low intimacy, high passion, low commitment. Example: A crush on someone you don't know well.

Empty Love

Low intimacy, low passion, high commitment. Example: A long-term marriage that has lost emotional and physical connection.

Romantic Love

High intimacy, high passion, low commitment. Example: A passionate relationship that hasn't yet made a long-term commitment.

Companionate Love

High intimacy, low passion, high commitment. Example: A deep, lasting friendship or a long-term marriage where passion has diminished but friendship remains strong.

Fatuous Love

Low intimacy, high passion, high commitment. Example: A whirlwind romance that leads to quick marriage without deep understanding.

Consummate Love

High intimacy, high passion, high commitment. Example: An ideal relationship that embodies all three components.

Ghost Love

High intimacy, low passion, low commitment. Example: Strong emotional ties that persist even after a relationship has ended.

compassionate love as a distinct form

Caring and compassion

Eros (Romantic Love)

characterized by passionate and physical attraction. Eros lovers often prioritize physical intimacy and emotional connection.

Example: A couple that feels an intense chemistry and often expresses their affection through physical touch.

Ludus (Playful Love)

see love as a game and may engage in flirtation and casual relationships without deep emotional attachment.

Example: Someone who enjoys dating multiple people at once and treats romantic encounters as fun, without wanting to settle down.

Storge (Friendship Love)

emphasizes deep friendship and emotional connection over physical attraction. Storge lovers often develop romantic feelings gradually.

Example: A couple who started as close friends and developed a romantic relationship over time, based on trust and companionship.

Pragma (Practical Love)

approach relationships with logic and practicality, considering factors like compatibility and shared goals.

Example: A couple that evaluates their relationship based on practical aspects like financial stability and mutual interests before making a commitment.

Mania (Obsessive Love)

characterized by intense passion and anxiety. Mania lovers may experience extreme highs and lows in their relationships.

Example: A person who feels jealous and insecure, constantly needing reassurance from their partner and often feeling possessive.

Agape (selfless love)

prioritize the well-being of their partner, showing unconditional love and compassion. This style often involves sacrifice.

Example: A partner who consistently puts their partner's needs above their own, offering support and care without expecting anything in return.

Major views of love from before

Low expectation of love/romance

High importance of family union, practical partnership

Relationships typically had high commitment, low intimacy, and the passion simply depended on the couple

How do age and gender associate with love?

Age- emotional intensity

Gender- Beliefs/attitudes about love and role of love components

arousal

the function and timing of hormones

thought

intensity, urgency, positivity

- excitement transfer, maybe misattribution

romantic vs companionate love (e.g., think stability/satisfaction)

Someone in a romantic love may be satisfied but does not have stability and someone in a companionate love may have stability, but does not have satisfaction.

Conflict

Occurs when one persons wishes/actions impeal those of someone else

Dialectic

opposing motivations that contradict one another

Autonomy vs. Connection

Independence vs. interdependence or belonging

Openess vs. Closedness

wanting adventure vs. staying comfortable

stability vs. change

staying put vs. trying new things

integration vs. separation

we and we only vs. integrating with peers or family

key predictors/correlates for higher levels of conflict

- Personality

- Attachment style

- Motivation/goals

- Stage of life

- Similarity

- Stress, sleep, and alcohol

four common categories of instigating events for conflict

- Criticism

- Illegitimate demands

- Rebuffs

- Cumulative annoyances

rebuffs

bluntly refuses

attributional conflict

conflict over who is "right"

negative affect reciprocity

partners trade escalating provocations back and forth

o Flooding

o Attachment

demand-withdraw pattern

a pattern of behavior in which one party makes demands and the other party withdraws from the conversation

- The woman is typically the demander

Active and constructive

voice

active and destructive

exit

passive and constructive

loyalty

passive and destructive

neglect

Identify the four types of couple conflict styles

- Volatile

- Validators

- Avoiders

- Hostiles

volatile

high highs and low lows

validators

validate partners actions but often gets upset

Avoiders

avoid conflict all together

Hostiles

mostly low lows and little highs

identify each of the five possible endings of conflict

- Seperation

- Domination

- Compromise

- Intergrative agreement

- Structural improvement

domination

one person wins and the other backs down

integrative agreements

win-win agreements that reconcile both parties' interests to their mutual benefit

structural improvement

when people agree to change the basic rules or understandings that govern their relationship to prevent further conflict

ways to engage in conflict that can help relationships

- be a buffalo

- start off constructive

- control what you can

- use your skills

be a buffalo

address the issue at hand

start off constructive

You want this to be soft and not a harsh startup

Control what you can

o Attributions

o Take responsibility

o Be respectful

o Lower negativity

o Calm anger, consider underlying emotions

Use your skills

o Perspective - talking; go to the balcony

o Actively listening

o Stay present, avoid withdrawal

abstinence only

teach abstinence as the only morally correct option

abstinence plus

strong message of abstinence, but also some information about conception

comprehensive

teaches safety practices along with interpersonal and communication skills

men about sexuality

more okay with sex without love, usually feel better than women morning after hookup, more approval of cheating

women about sexuality

less okay with casual sex, report more regret than men the morning after hookup, less approving of cheating

United States attitudes over time

became less conservative over the decades but is more sexually conservative than other countries

United States attitudes compared to other countries/cultures

Africans hold more permissible sexual attitudes than whites do, with hispanic and asians more conservative

what percent say that premarital sex is "always or almost always wrong"

25%

sexual double standard

- Men

- More okay with sex without love

- Usually feel better than women morning after hookup

- More approval of cheating

- Women

- Less okay with casual sex

- Report more regret then men the morning after hookup

- Less approving of cheating

what percentage of adults say americans say sexual relations between same-sex adults is “morally wrong”

31%

How many say it is morally acceptable to have same sex relations

63%

Kinsey's continuum of sexual orientation

A continuum, not distinct

sociosexual orientation

- Beliefs and behaviors that describe our feelings about sex

- Restricted: sex is only okay in committed, affectionate relationships

- Unrestricted: okay to pursue sex without closeness or commitment

basic patterns in frequency of sex

- Relationship types with higher passion will have more sex

- The longer couples are in a relationship, the less they will have sex

- Men have greater desire for sex

- Women are gatekeepers to this desire

- Orientation includes behavior, self identity, attraction/reaction

the 4 motivations for having sex

- Emotional

- Physical

- Progmatic (means to amend)

- Insecure

Distinguish between, and consider relationship implications of, extradyadic sex and forms of consensual non-monogamy

- while extradyadic sex is associated with betrayal and secrecy, consensual non-monogamy fosters communication and mutual consent. Understanding these differences is crucial for navigating relationship dynamics and ensuring that all parties are on the same page about their desires and boundaries.

- Men cheat more often

- Rates vary by type of relationshop

the various factors that increase the likelihood of engaging in unsafe sex

- Underestimate risk

- Illusion of unique invulnerabily / wont be harmed

- Thinking errors / aroused or intoxicated

- Pluralistic ignorance / acceptance of behavior

- Power inequality / person with more power

- Abstinence only education / neglect use of protection

- Impact on pleasure / decreased intimacy

self-determination theory

o we are happiest and healthiest when we routinely engage in activities that allow us to choose and control our own actions (autonomy) to feel confident and capable (competence), and to establish close connections to others (relatedness).

sexual growth beliefs

grounded in the idea that sexual satisfaction and intimacy can bedeveloped and improved over time through effort, communication, and learning.

Destiny beliefs

sexual compatibility and satisfaction are innate qualities, predetermined by chemistry or compatibility between partners

how growth and destiny beliefs influence one another

how individuals approach their sexual relationships, affecting communication, problem-solving, and ultimately, sexual satisfaction.

How is frequency of sex associated with sexual satisfaction

- Type of relationship

- Cohabitating (having the mosr sex; 3x a week) married (2x)

- Duration of relationship

- Sexual orientation

In what ways can communication help with sexual satisfaction (e.g., how and about what)

Different people may like different things, therefore if you communicate with your partner the sex will more likely become more fulfilling

the basic components that constitute sexual consent

Understand various forms of pressure/coercion

- Often use nonverbal strategies

- Grunting and moaning

- May simply do nothing to resist

- Must be “sound mind” to consent

- Consent should be an enthusiastic and ongoing yes

- Consent can be revoked at anytime

Understand the continuum of inclusion/exclusion

- Maximum inclusion

- Active incllusion

- Passive inclusion

- Ambivalence

- Passive exclusion

- Active exclusion

- Maximul exclusion

- We feel hurt when…

- Our percieved relational valuefor orthers is lower than we want it to be

- Relational devaluation: when other value of our relationships with them decreases

- More sensitive to decreases inacceptance than to increases in rejection

Understand the key features of ostracism and how people react to it

- Silent treatment

- Similar to maximal exclusion

- Responses vary

o Try to repair

o Defensive; aggressive

o Dismissive

o leave

deception

intentional behavior that creates a knowingly false impression

various forms of deception

- concealment

- divert attention

- half-truths

- white lies

- staright lies

main motivations for lying/deception

- usually self-serving

- sometimes to protect/ benefit

the concepts of deceiver's distrust and the truth bias

Deceivers distrust: liars start to think “recipient is dishonest”

- believe others are just like them, and to justify their actions

jealousy

a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship

- Does not equal envy

- Hurt, fear/ anxiety, anger

- Reactive

- Suspicious

reactive jealousy

- having proof of something to be jealous of

suspicious jealousy

having no proof and simply working ones self up

destructive

- Anti-social behaviors (violence, substance abuse, etc.)

- Threatening rivals

- Spying on or restricting partner

- Pretending you don't feel jealous

constructive

- Honestly confront concerns - communicate, not ruminate

- Investing more in relationship (make it an attractive place)

- Separate self - worth from the relationship

- Ending the relationship

gender differences in jealousy

- Both sexes are equally jealous but about different things

- And they react in different ways

- Men are more jealous about other men who are more successful

- Women are more jealous about other women that they believe are more attractive

betrayal

"hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we did not expect such behavior"

forms of betrayal

- Lying

- Cheating

- Telling secrets / betraying trust

- Abandonment

- Some are unavailable, unintentional

benefits of social media in relationship stresses

Points of connection when there is distance, enhance a connection

drawbacks of social media in relationship stresses

Digital footprint, miscommunication, FOMO, confirmation bias (jealousy)